Wow...can't believe I forgot the disclaimer. Anyways...obviously I don't own Inuyasha. So I make no money off of my stories. They are purely for entertainment purposes.
Secret
Everyone has secrets. Some people steal. Some people kill. Some people cheat. Kagome...her secret was a walking, talking, six foot six, male. Kami help her, but he was her dirty little secret and she couldn't let him go.
Staring discreetly up at the tree that Inuyasha sat perched on Kagome thought, 'How could I let it get this far? How did I get into this mess in the first place? Inuyasha's going to be so angry when he finds out. What will Miroku and Sango say? My family?....and where the hell is she? Damn it she's late!'
After forcing herself to calm down and reminding herself that she wasn't the only one keeping secrets Kagome once again began thinking about how she came to be in the position she was. 'I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I didn't mean to let it get this far....I was just curious.....we both were....things happened...and now they keep happening.'
When Shippo whimpered in his sleep she turned her attention to him and patted his back gently for a moment before he calmed down. When he was once more sleeping peacefully she sighed regretfully and thought, 'It doesn't matter how it all started. The fact remains it's a reality...and I don't know if I want it to change....and I know he doesn't. Last time he told me not to come unless I've decided. He made his intentions known and told me that everything else was up to me. It's my decision where things go from here.'
Rolling over gently Kagome starred off into the distance as she considered her options. 'I could go back to the way things were. Separate. Apart. Platonic. Distant....but do I want to do that? Do I want to give up what is for what I'm not even sure I want anymore? Did I ever really want that life? I was 15 when I fell down the well...that was almost 5 years ago and since then Inuyasha really hasn't changed...but I have. I was a silly school girl when we first met. A foolish girl with foolish notions of how the world worked. Everything was black and white to me. Right or wrong,...but I've changed since then. I've grown up...Inuyasha hasn't....even he has changed. Granted not very much, but there has been change. I've seen it. I've felt it....and truthfully we've changed together. Inuyasha and I have gone through so much together but he always keeps that part of himself, that piece of himself from the past, away from me. Every time we've ever had the chance to become more she's shown up and Inuyasha would leave me behind....he has kept nothing from me.'
Closing her eyes Kagome remembered every moment she'd spent with him. She remembered the heated touches, the intimate moments they'd shared. And she remembered seeing him kill without mercy. She'd seen exactly how cruel and vicious he could be in battle. He hid nothing from her and made no apologies for who or what he was. Inuyasha wasn't like that. Inuyasha not only kept himself distant from her, but he refused to allow her close when he felt like his beast was gaining control. Inuyasha didn't trust himself and as a result he didn't trust anyone else either.
'And I can't do that. I can't live without trust....I want to know that the one that stands beside me trusts me as much as I trust them....Inuyasha doesn't do that. He doesn't even trust me to stand beside him. He's always throwing himself in front of me...he doesn't trust me to take care of myself or to watch his back....even though I've been training and my control over my miko powers have surpassed hers. Still...he doesn't believe in me. But he trusts me. He's always trusted me to stand at his side.'
Letting regret fill her for her hanyou friend that so isolated himself Kagome thought, 'I wish he could let his barriers down...if not to me...than to someone. I know he doesn't even trust her...of course I wouldn't either. With as many times as she's betrayed us to Naraku over the years it's no wonder he keeps some distance between them as well...I know he's led a hard life, but I...I can't keep waiting for him.'
Feeling a pang of longing shoot through her body as his call reached her she thought, 'I didn't keep waiting for him....I keep denying...I keep pretending that this is just a fling...something to do while Inuyasha makes his choice...but it stopped being that a long time ago....if that's ever what it was. I...Kami I didn't mean for this to happen...I really didn't.'
Letting her gaze wander inconspicuously up to the hanyou who was scanning the trees in the night she let her guilt consume her. 'I made him promises...I promised to never leave him...to never betray him. All his life he's been alone...been betrayed by everyone he's ever trusted...how can I do that to him? I couldn't bear for him to look at me with betrayal in his eyes...but...but the fact remains my feelings have changed. As much as I hate to admit it I just couldn't wait for him any longer....I...I moved past him...I found someone else.'
Finally catching sight of the wraithlike creatures that signaled the impending departure of her hanyou companion Kagome waited with baited breath as he scanned the campsite to make sure the rest of their pack was sleeping. Of course she had long since learned to feign sleep to avoid detection. Once Inuyasha was sure that no one would notice his absence he took off through the trees.
'Secrets...we all have them...he goes to her every night...and I go to him. The difference is Inuyasha believes that once she passes on, as she must, I'll still be here waiting. He doesn't realize that I have secrets of my own.'
Feeling his call again Kagome closed her eyes tightly. 'He's called me every night for a week and I haven't answered. I haven't had an answer for him. He said not to come until I'd decided...he said he was tired of things being the way they were...and frankly I'm tired too. This back and forth is killing me...it's time to make a choice.'
Rolling onto her back and looking up at the star lit sky she thought, 'I didn't mean for it to happen....I never meant to fall in love with him. At first it was just about not feeling lonely anymore...then...then I'm not sure what it was about...but now? Now it's about....feelings. I...have feelings for him....and I know he has strong feelings for me. He wouldn't have told me to choose if he didn't. He wouldn't have offered me a place at his side. I have to choose.'
Closing her eyes Kagome relived every moment they had shared. The nights spent simply talking. She'd told him things of the future. He'd told her things of his past. Slowly, steadily, hesitantly a friendship had formed. Then one night changed everything. One night she had tried to kill her and Inuyasha had refused to believe it. Inuyasha had yelled at her and told her she was lying because she was jealous of her incarnation...then he'd run...to her....believing the lies she'd spun about what happened. Believing it had been an accident. Determined not to face the truth.
That night her lord had come as he usually did. He'd sat beside her at the stream she'd come to meet him at and let the silence stretch. He made no move to comfort her and frankly she'd been grateful for it. She didn't know how he knew what had happened, but she knew he knew. They'd sat in silence all night, and when the sun began to rise they both knew she had to return to camp before Inuyasha discovered her missing. He'd stood, held his hand out to her and helped her to her feet, but he didn't relinquish his hold on her hand. No. Instead he'd pulled her into his chest, placed a gentle kiss on her lips and whispered, "Why do you wait for him when you could find happiness with another?"
He'd walked away after that, but they both knew that something had changed. They changed, and they had kept changing together. 'And now? Now there is no going back,' Kagome decided as she stood slowly from her sleeping bag without waking Shippo. Looking across the camp site she saw Miroku and Sango deep in sleep. Once again Kilala was the only one that noticed her departure, just as she had Inuyasha's, but the miko knew the fire cat wouldn't be spilling any secrets.
Moving stealthily Kagome made her way through the forest as she followed his call. After about a half hour of walking she broke through the tree line and spotted him. He was lounging against a large oak and starring at her with calculating eyes. She stood her ground and regarded him just as coolly.
"Have you chosen?"
Taking a deep breath Kagome smiled a true smile at the Western Lord and replied, "Yes Sesshoumaru...I've chosen. No more secrets. I will be your mate."