A/N: THIS ONESHOT BASHES TWILIGHT!!!!!!! DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE GOING TO FLAME!!!! That's just dumb. If you do want to inform me, politely, why you think Twilight is a good novel feel free to message me. I say again THIS ONE SHOT BASHES TWILIGHT!!!! YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!!!!!
I just got bored and thought it would be funny to write a oneshot where Sesshoumaru bashes Twilight...anyway enjoy.
~Haiden
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Sesshoumaru Takahashi, best-selling author of countless books, was annoyed. Perhaps that didn’t quite cover it…outraged, enraged, frustrated and confused. His fiancé had told him that she wanted him to read a vampire book, which she said was amazing, and then tell her what he thought of it, but for the life of him, he could not understand what the point of the book was. After reading it twice, along with dissecting it, Sesshoumaru had finally decided on one thing.
This shit makes no sense, he thought, using one of Kagome’s common phrases.
Rising from his expensive leather couch, Sesshoumaru left his office in search of his fiancé. She had some explaining to do.
“Kagome,” he addressed once he found her lying on their large bed in their bedroom.
“Did you finish it,” Kagome asked, seeing him holding her book in his hand.
“Yes, twice,” he calmly replied.
“I knew you’d like it! Isn’t she a great author!? Who’s your favorite character? What about your favorite part?”
“Kagome,” he stated, she instantly quieted, “I did not say that I liked it.”
“But you read it twice. If you didn’t like it, then why read it twice?”
“I was trying to figure out how this woman became a best-selling author in such a short amount of time. She obviously is an amateur writer, so I was trying to see whether or not there was brain washing techniques implied,” he replied, taking a seat next to her.
“Sessho, don’t be mean. She didn’t brain wash her readers. She wrote it really well,” Kagome stated, taking her book from him.
“I strongly disagree.”
“Well not all of us are amazing authors like you,” she teased, becoming annoyed.
“Perhaps you should be more like me; then you wouldn’t be obsessing over a poorly written story by a woman who cannot develop a plot or who lacks the ability to create interesting characters.”
“What’s wrong with the plot,” Kagome questioned, becoming angry.
“It is too choppy and does not flow well from scene to scene,” Sesshoumaru calmly replied. He smirked down at his fiancé, amused with how she was becoming so annoyed with him over a silly story.
“Well I suppose I see your point, but I don’t agree with you about her characters. They’re amazing and their love for each other is so well portrayed,” Kagome replied, hugging her book and reminiscing about the story.
“Hardly.”
“Now what’s wrong with it?”
“The male character has no flaws. By doing this, the author has taken away any potential of there being any character vs. self conflict. This is a very important part of constructing character traits along with that, self conflict helps to add to the plot. If the character was having an internal battle with himself, it would make him vulnerable, showing that he has a weakness. Readers cannot relate to perfect characters,” Sesshomaru explained.
“But he is having a conflict with himself. Edward is torn between turning Bella into a vampire or to wait until their honeymoon to turn her,” Kagome replied.
“No, that is a conflict between characters. Edward has made his decision to turn her after their wedding. Bella is trying to convince him to turn her sooner, thus a conflict of character vs. character not character vs. self.”
“Okay, fine….but he’s still really hot,” Kagome replied, a smile plastered on her face.
“I was unaware that you were attracted to the stalker type. I suppose now you want me to watch you sleep,” he teased.
“Ew, no. That’s weird,” Kagome nearly shouted, cringing.
“Did you not just state that you thought him attractive?”
“Well yeah, but that’s a little weird. It’s the dangerous vampire part about him that I love,” Kagome replied.
“I did not know that you liked you men sparkling.”
“Sessho, don’t be difficult,” Kagome pleaded. She really didn’t want to get into a fight over the book, but it seemed he wanted to get his point across.
“Her vampires reminded me more of blood-sucking fairies, rather than vampires. Was it the same for you,” he asked, his smirk growing wider.
“Fine, Edward is a shitty vampire. Can we drop the subject,” Kagome asked, “Besides I like Bella better.”
“Oh yes, I see how you can relate to her clumsiness and skill at constantly placing herself in dangerous situations. Let us not forget her enthusiastic personality either. It is official, you and Bella would be the best of friends,” Sesshoumaru replied.
“Hey, I’m not that clumsy,” Kagome retorted.
“I’m sorry, you are right. Immanent objects do enjoy jumping out at you.”
“Sessho, stop,” Kagome whined. She got it that he didn’t like the book, but he didn’t have to be so mean about it.
Realizing that he had let his mouth run away from him, he leaned over and wrapped his arms around, his fiancé. The last thing he wanted was a pissed off Kagome.
“My apologies. I will not say anymore,” Sesshomaru stated, kissing her temple softly.
“It’s okay Sessho. I forgive you,” Kagome replied, “but I have an idea of how you could make it up to me.”
“Name it. I will do whatever you ask,” he stated, desperately wanting her to forgive him for hurting her feelings and bashing on her book.
“You could take me to the midnight showing of the movie tonight.”
Damn it, he thought, it was a trick.