A radiantly infatuating defeat… I know it was illogical, that her eyes gazed at the infuriatingly lucky but often disabling lack of talent that my half-brother embodied. I could only imagine that the reason for those feelings were some strange echo of the soul that had once belonged to another. One that had been, if the stories are to be believed, rather smitten with the useless half-breed. I had nothing left but to hope; no, in fact pray, that was the case. It was only more implausible that during my visits to see how Rin was coming along that I'd begin to grow curious of her. Of the manner in which she seemed to so effortlessly gain the friendship and admiration of the others that surrounded her. A natural sort of leader, charismatic to the point of paragon, powerful yet compassionate in a way that had reminded me of my adopted ward. The fact that Rin was studying in part with the girl had forced our first real contact where I wasn't trying to slay here for pesky interference in matters that were none her affair. The conversations had been troublesome at first, the way in which she'd get angry at the tiniest slight or smile at the smallest remark was something that continues to confound me even now. I never realized that I was visiting so often, or that there was a deeper meaning to those seemingly frequent checks on Rin's welfare. Blinded by a wickedly amused Cupid playing a prank, for I still cannot recall at what point his toxic arrow struck. At first it was just a matter of Rin's education, making certain one of her tutors as a woman was actually learned in the manners he wished her instructed in. Just business, a lovely professional cover for the infuriating disease that was to follow. The more in which I watched her, spoke with her, became befuddled by the manner in which she spoke, the almost inappropriate etiquette she used...the more I wanted to walk into the fog of chaos. She was unique, different from any girl; or man for that matter, that I'd ever met before, despite the fact that I'd nearly killed her on more than a single occasion she often didn't show me fear. She rarely let me see her fear at all, not that I couldn't pick it out amongst the seraphic scents of myriad flowers and fruits that followed her. Nonetheless, one that doesn't show their fear to one such as myself has an incredible personal will. I could attribute it to the short time I aided her during Naraku's downfall, she has seemed to have developed some sort of feelings of camaraderie toward me sense then. Though it isn't quite good enough, I don't desire to be friends, though it will make do until I am able to hold her in an entirely different matter. I know it's disgraceful of me, that I in the end have turned out to be no better than my father...but at least I had not chosen another mate, I in fact will not. There are few things I have not acquired that I wanted, and while Inuyasha did get one of those in father's sword, the favor of fate itself will not save him from giving up the second. He doesn't need to be alive for the transaction, but I cannot openly kill him in front of her...no, she is too human, too much like Rin, she would not forgive me if I let her know I was the one whose claws were covered in his blood. Though the option wasn't forgotten, I was biding my time, there was still something I didn't fully understand and I would need to arrange the puzzle pieces in the order to see the picture before I could act further. A week, that was how long it took me to discover the fact that she simply vanished for a few days at a time. Another day before I overheard her friends discussing the ancient well near the village where she apparently spent a great deal of time by how heavy her ambrosial scent hung in the air. I had been nearby and recently finished looking over the thing for any clues when she suddenly climbed from it's depths, a hole that had been empty to my eyes moments before she stuck out her head and pulled herself upward. There were a variety of scents on her I'd gotten glimpses of in past visits but now could make out with greater clarity, things completely foreign to me despite my wide travels in younger days. She had somehow used the well as a connection to a place I not only couldn't recognize, but would have had no way of comprehending. From the future? What a trait, one more of the many that lured me into the trap. I found myself doubtful even when I heard her speaking of it with Inuyasha, though I know they had no reason to lie being unaware of my presence. While my half-brother's nose might be powerful, there is little to be done if I use the wind to keep my scent from carrying. He knew later that I had been nearby, but my already common visits to my ward helped to cover the true nature of my spying neatly. My plans were slow, methodical, I was very capable of playing a almost political game of the girl's affections, it had to be carefully planned or she would slip through my fingers as surely as if I'd tried to grasp sand. My claws however are extremely gentle when I so choose, I would control the tides if it meant coming even a single step closer to my goal. She couldn't know what I was thinking, the way her personality had neatly enticed me with all the rest of the masses, if she knew things would never go as needed. She had to begin to see Inuyasha for what he was, which required a greater act of stealth, if I were to make the half-breed look bad, I would have to make the half-breed question his own feelings. I set the idea on him through a rambling Jaken during one of the visits where I'd only come to offer her new clothes. "He's such an idiot that Inuyasha." The imp had squeaked for me perfectly, his acting rather better than I'd expected. "If he really loved that other priestess now that he has the Tensaiga absorbed into the Tetsuagia he'd just use it to bring her back to life." The seed of knowledge, the thoughts that it embodied, some mortals called this the greatest sin man had created. With ideas comes the craving to fulfill them, things had already started to degenerate when I'd come by the next week at a time that was common for me to check on my ward. The second and first woman Inuyasha cared for in the same place, it had driven Kagome to apparently leave to her home time, through the well. Though her absence and the pain she had to be caused were regrettable one couldn't make an omelet without first breaking a few eggs. It was best for her to know for certain that once Inuyasha's first love had returned, he'd lost his eyes for her. A problem I felt obliged to resolve for her early on, it would cause her less pain in the long run if she learned the certainty of it early. The first phase was finished, competition eliminated.
I stare in speechless wonder as the world grows both cloudy yet unmistakable, and the stories of ages past have become unexpectedly comprehensible. It is one thing to read of love, it is another to recognize it, and it is a gift to seize it. I am in a place I have never reached before, and looking backward, I almost lament at myself for not realizing the heights I could reach sooner. Or perhaps for thinking that was as far as I could reach…assuming that what I already held was all I would ever hold…
I still continue to climb even as I think I can’t fall further but that thought always manages to prove incorrect considering that each time it reaches greater cataclysmic depths and exceeds the highest Herculean rise. It’s the most seductively deceptive series of paradoxical phrases that has ever been or will ever be.
But I’m not suppose to be in this place…
Nothing that sounds perfect is…
What good is a love that is unrequited?
I am suppose to be better than this…I am above descending to this level…Sesshomaru is above falling in love...