I Believe
The lookout at Hyuna had always been one of her favorites. From the little bell knoll perched just above the treeline, one could look out and see the soaring heights of Haruna, only the first in a long line of peaks that all were prowled by her kin. Home. And yet, if she looked just to the east, she could see the planes stretching out below, forever, it seemed, in the golden light of the rising sun. Like a whole other world awaited beyond the protective barriers of the mountains.
But no sun shone upon the planes, and the mountains peaks were black ink painted upon the midnight sky. Night’s embrace was upon them. The emerald of the wolf-girl’s eyes had gone with the rising of the moon, now glowing disks themselves as she took to her element. She stood tall, as a mortal might, but only because it was to be expected in their lands. She was, after all, a princess. Any to look at her in her royal press breastplate and fine palace silks dressing her armor would know it.
Most anyone that is.
Except for the group that had seen her out of her element. Away from her home. Away from the grace her station demanded. Away from the rules and regulations they charged her to uphold every moment she walked upon her family’s grounds. Away from everyone and everything that made her the royal princess of the northern clans. It was perhaps that this group had seen more of her true self in a moment of anger and, yes, she would admit, jealousy, than even her own family had known for so many long years. The seasons would change, and she with them, but outwardly it was always the same. The same rituals. The same processions. The same ridiculously outdated standards.
It had taken her a long time to realize it, a long time to even conceive of it, but as she stood looking at her beloved home, she knew with absolute certainty that, whatever may come, she had made the right decision.
“Ayame?”
From below the crest of the hill, Kagome called up to the she-wolf. She was breathless from the climb, and her voiced rasped slightly, but it had the desired effect. It only took seconds for her eyes to catch the flaming red of the girl’s aura, and seconds longer to see the equally red tuft of her hair as she took the leap from her lookout position. A short drop later, along with a perfectly executed landing, Ayame was standing beside her.
Kagome tried to scowl, tried to be annoyed that her friends could do things with such incredible ease when here she was struggling just to make the climb up the little hill, but she just couldn’t. They all had their gifts. And though hers would never include such easy grace and speed of her mortal form; that did not mean she could not enjoy her freedoms.
She settled on rolling her eyes. “You know you’re going to have to carry me back down since I climbed all the way up here, right?”
“Yes.” Ayame smiled. “But then I thought you might enjoy the exercise after…” She trailed off purposefully, indicating with a sweep of her arm the camp below rather than give words to the disastrous episode that had just taken place.
Kagome grit her teeth to keep herself from hissing her frustration out. “I take it you know that Inuyasha and Kouga are-”
“Off proving their masculinity and all around maleness to each other as we speak,” Ayame finished for her. She wrinkled her nose. “I don’t think one really needs my senses to have followed those explosions on their path.”
“Yeah.” Kagome let out a breath. She knew nothing anyone would ever do could ever put a stop to Inuyasha and Kouga biting at each other’s necks. It was just the way they were. Besides, they both seemed to like it that way.
But it wasn’t the boys and their unhealthy use of their time that had motivated Kagome to haul her ass up this massive hill. She looked over at Ayame. And the wolf-girl, sensing the weight of her gaze, straightened her posture to a pose more suited her regal self.
“I’m sure,” Ayame said without looking. “I know what you’re going to ask, the same thing you asked Kouga, and I’m sure. I want to do this.”
Kagome shook her head. “If that’s your answer, then you have no idea what I’m going to ask.”
Shock turned Ayame to look at the mortal priestess. “Are you saying you won’t marry us?”
“I never said that.” Holing up a hand to ask for patience, Kagome tried to ease the wolf’s worries. She knew how impulsive Ayame could be. In that way, she and Kouga were very much alike. And it was only one of the reasons Kagome believed they would make a wonderful pair. She knew that they were not rushing into something without knowing the fullness of their commitment, and being wholly committed to it. In their way, they loved each other dearly. And that was all she needed to know.
But Ayame was an Alpha, a Princess of her tribe, and made this situation much more complicated. Kouga was a passionate fighter, a devoted ally, and a dear friend. But though he was a born leader, he wasn’t born to be a leader. At least not according to the Northern Tribe. His clan had all but been destroyed by Naraku, leaving him little to offer a royal family besides his love for their daughter. Hardly a dowry they thought befitting.
Grey Wolf, the elder and leader of the Northern tribe and also Ayame’s grandfather, had refused Kouga’s suit just as he refused his granddaughter when she begged him to perform the mating ceremony for her with this, her chosen male.
The young couple’s hopes had been dashed, but their love had endured. So they had come here, to be among friends, and, more importantly, to ask Kagome, a Miko of the Mortal class, to perform wedding rites. It would never be the same as the rituals performed by their people, but, as Kouga had said: It is not the ceremony that binds them, but the will to stand up for it together.
Kagome had made her decision almost immediately. If it was their wish to be married, she would be honored to perform the ceremony for her friends. But she knew in her heart that it was not an honor she deserved. Just as she knew that Ayame and Kouga deserved better.
After a moment, Kagome spoke. She did so slowly, calmly, not wanting to provoke or offend, but knowing the words needed to be spoken. “I think that there’s something you’re not telling us.” Ayame opened her mouth to protest, but when no words formed, Kagome pushed them to the surface. “Something that would give Grey Wolf reason to deny his only granddaughter the mating of her choosing.”
“I-It’s not…” But it was no use trying to hide it. The look in Kagome eyes told Ayame that she already knew everything; she just wanted it out in the open. Infinite patience and understanding warmed the ocean blue of the Miko’s eyes, and Ayame couldn’t stand looking into them for more than a moment. She looked away, sighing softly. “It’s a long story.” she said.
And Kagome smiled as she folded herself to take a seat on the grassy hill. “I’m not going anywhere.”
It started out simple enough. Though in human years old enough to have already lived and died, Ayame had been young. Young enough make all the mistakes of youth; old enough for them to mean something.
“It was so easy,” Ayame said. “Everything I wanted and it could be mine. ‘You’re a princess,’ my friends said, ‘Use it.’ And I did. Shamelessly. Anything I wanted. Anyone I wanted. I just took it and didn’t look back. But then I met Him.”
She looked over at Kagome and smiled. “He said no. Can you believe it?” But the smile was fake. It hid the fact that she wished he had never said it; more, wish that he had meant it. “I couldn’t believe it. It was such a shock. After everything I had, everything I could have, that would be mine, and here was this guy saying no to me.” She shook her head, and set her sights back on the horizon, on the view of the mountains where it had all happened to the plains beyond where she now wanted to go. “I couldn’t just let it be. It kept nagging at me. I found myself barking at friends and snarling at the omegas. I wasn’t myself.”
She was drifting further away, so Kagome put a comforting hand on her friend’s shoulder. “You couldn’t have stayed in that bubble forever,” she said lightly. “If everything is always just given to you, then you will never have anything that is truly your own.”
“I know that.” Ayame’s voice trembled and the light catching in her eyes dimmed as they became heavy. “At least, I do now.” But it was in the past, and Ayame wanted to focus on the future. She shook away the heavy feelings of regret, cleared her throat from its tightness, and went on. “Back then, I couldn’t think of anything else. I had to have him. It was a simple as that. All the other males were nothing compared to him. Oh, I had known it before. He had always been the best of the lot. But before I had been too young, too inexperienced. I had lacked to confidence to approach the old ones, the powerful ones. But I had grown, I told myself. I was able. I could play the game as well as any one of them. Better. Because I was a princess. And they all wanted a piece of that.
“Except he didn’t. Turned out the guy I had been chasing after wasn’t just a dignitary from another province like all the others that always ate from my Grandfather’s table. He had never said so or made it apparent in any way – besides his aloof demeanor, but I was so used to that from those around me that I hardly noticed – but he was one of the Cardinals, one of the four Lords that rule this land.
“I can’t really say why, but instead of being frightened back into my place, the challenge of it all just seemed to push me harder. Cardinal or not, I would have him as mine. So I made certain to always be at his side. During dinners, festivals, I even sat in on the pack meetings just to make certain he couldn’t escape me. My Grandfather was delighted with my interest, of course. It was too hard to tell him that it wasn’t for any interest in the rulings that I would endure the hours of boredom sitting in on those gatherings.”
“Who?”
Kagome had been listening so quietly that Ayame was shocked to hear her speak. Or maybe it was the subtly soft vibration of anger that wavered her friend’s voice that was so shocking. “Who what?” she asked as she turned to look at Kagome. She almost wished she hadn’t.
Kagome might have said she expected something like it, but the truth was she hadn’t been expecting this at all. Nor could she ever have expected the anger she felt hearing the words and knowing exactly where they were going. “Who was the Lord?”
Ayame stuttered. “It’s not really –”
“It is important.” Kagome cut in, if a little harshly. “Look, you don’t have to sugar-coat it for me, alright. I’ve heard them all a thousand times. I get it. You went after this guy, finally ended up bagging him, and then, what? You realized that after you spent so much time chasing him, making him think that you were really interesting in him, in spending time with him, sharing yourself with him, that you really only wanted the thrill of the chase. And once you caught him, and he still thought that you wanted the same things he wanted, you didn’t.”
The sudden rush of provoked anger snapped Ayame to her feet. “It wasn’t like that!”
Kagome rose to meet her, but slowly, finally setting the other girl with an all-too-knowing look. “It was. And that’s fine. I’m not going to hold it against you. It happens to us all when we’re young and still figuring things out. Hell, I’m still trying to figure it out. But you will tell me, Ayame. Who was the Lord?”
“He wanted to mate me!” she said instead. “I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t be the perfect princess all the time. It was exhausting! And being a mother? No way! I wasn’t going to give him all the little soldiers he wanted just to please my Grandfather!”
She was working herself up, no doubt shouting out the same arguments now as she had many times in the past. Kagome let the anger of them wash over her. Calmly and slowly she stepped closer to the panting wolf. She took her hand, held it softly, and asked, “Who was it Ayame?”
There were tears moistening her eyes as she finally gave her reply.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
“Are you really sure about this Kagome? There’s still time to go back.”
They had left the camp and traveled west across the mountains. With Ayame’s speed and Kagome’s magic to snuff out the trail, they couldn’t be followed easily. But that didn’t mean they couldn’t be followed. Inuyasha and Kouga would bite themselves out eventually and come back to the camp, fully expecting Ayame and Kagome to be there when they returned. If they weren’t – or at least if one of them wasn’t to explain the other’s absence – then the hunt would begin. Kagome knew this all too well.
“Go back and tell them exactly what we talked about. I’m with Grey wolf on the northern mountain and will be there till morning. Then you go with Kouga to round up his mates and send Sango to get me at dawn.”
“Why Sango? Why can’t I just –”
“I don’t want you around him in case things don’t go how I hope they will.”
“You don’t want me around him?” Ayame was taken aback. “I’m youkai, Kagome. I can handle myself. What about you?”
“I’ll be fine.”
Ayame wasn’t buying it. “This was a stupid idea. I never should have agreed to it. It’s way too dangerous. I can’t ask you to do this for me.”
“You’re not asking,” Kagome said evenly. “I’m offering. And you don’t need to worry. He won’t hurt me.”
It was just too hard to believe. There was just no way this human girl could ever stand up to Him. “Kagome…”
“Ayame. Do you want to marry Kouga?”
“What? Of course I do.”
Kagome smiled because it was good that Ayame was so set on her marriage, but the smile was tight because she knew that just wasn’t enough. “Wouldn’t you rather be his mate?”
“I –” She couldn’t deny what was really in her heart. She wanted more than anything for her mating to be celebrated with her people. As it should be. As it was always meant to be. And to have her chosen male stand up in front of all of them. To give Kouga a chance to show them all what she already knew: That he was an Alpha, and he was ready to lead. More, he was meant for it. Still, “That isn’t enough of a reason for you to put yourself in danger.”
“I’m not in danger.” Kagome was sure of it. No words of peace or truce had ever passed between them. He had saved her life but even so that was not what made her so certain. It was in those moments, during the years of seeing him across the battlefield, when their eyes met and lingered just long enough to see the truth that she knew. There was, of course, always a reason to look away; but the knowledge stayed with her. Always. “You shouldn’t be worrying about me,” she said with a crooked smile, “What you should be worrying about is how you’re going to get Inuyasha to go along with this. I’ve gotta say, I think I’ve got the easy end of the bargain.”
Ayame wasn’t so sure. If worse came to worse, she could always beat the bloody hanyou so hard he was naught more than a walking coma when he took Kouga’s flank. She would prefer not to, but if it meant making her wedding day perfect, well, she wasn’t above resorting to drastic measures. But what Kagome was planning was more than drastic. It was practically insane.
Even more infuriating though was how calm the miko seemed. “I can’t believe you’re acting so nonchalant about this, Kagome. Don’t you realize what he could do to you? What he has done to humans who overstep their boundaries?”
“Lucky for me I’m not exactly human.” It was a joke, but Ayame wasn’t biting. Kagome rolled her eyes. “What do you want me to say, Ayame? That I’m afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?”
“If he were a wolf, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”
“Maybe not. But then, if it had been easy in the first place, you never would have gone for him.”
Ayame’s eyes narrowed. “That’s not funny,” she said tersely.
I wasn’t trying to be, Kagome wanted to reply. Instead she smiled sweetly. “I guess I can’t be on all the time. But it’s too late to turn back now.”
“It’s not too –” Ayame’s head snapped up, her focus sharpening. She could hear it now, the distant rumble that was no storm. Her ears were good, but her nose was better. He was much the same. But he was downwind, and she up. He must have had her scent now for sometime to have come so close and she hadn’t even known. But Kagome had. And she was right. It was too late.
“Kagome.” Ayame grabbed her arm and held it tight. “We can still go. Once we cross the mountains we’re no longer in his territory.”
Kagome couldn’t help but laugh at that. “Do you really think that would stop him from following? He’s already come all this way. What’s another few steps off his path to catch up to a couple of girls who called him out and then lost their nerve at the last minute? No, Ayame.” Kagome slipped her arm out of her friend’s grasp and took a step back from her. “You go. I’m staying.”
There would be no changing her mind. Ayame knew it. And though she would have done just about anything in that moment to get Kagome out of there and take her away from what she was set on doing, there was a part of her, a small, greedy part that she wished wasn’t her own, that was glad. Glad to think that might really get the mating ceremony that she had always wanted. Glad to know that she had a friend that would face such terrible danger just to help her get it. Glad that even though she was saying one thing, Kagome was doing exactly the opposite. But that part of her, though glad, couldn’t keep the rest of her from feeling like she was just being pathetic and selfish, that there should be nothing so important that she risk such a friend – one willing to go to such lengths for her – not for anything.
Ayame was stalling, but there was so little time left and she still needed a moment to prepare herself. So Kagome offered her a warm smile that radiated the confidence she really wasn’t feeling. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.”
“How can you be so sure?”
Because a woman always knows. Kagome’s smile turned wistful as her gaze wandered, looking somewhere other than what was in front of her eyes. “I’m sure.”
Ayame couldn’t help herself from turning to follow Kagome’s line of sight. She was wound a little tight knowing that He was so close. She didn’t want to turn around and unexpectedly come face to face. But when she looked she saw nothing, she realized that once again the miko was seeing something that only her eyes would ever see. Maybe that was why she could be so confident, Ayame thought. Maybe she really was seeing a vision of what could be, of what would be. Maybe, but that didn’t make it any easier to walk away from her.
“Dawn then,” Ayame finally conceded. She caught Kagome’s eyes and pulled her back from wherever she had wandered. “Not a minute later. If Sango doesn’t bring you back exactly when she’s supposed to…” She let the threat go unfinished.
Kagome waved her hand in dismissal. “Sure, sure. If that happens, feel free to send in the cavalry. But I’m telling you, it’s not going to come to that. Now get going. The longer you stay, the harder this gets.” He could hear every word they spoke by now and Kagome knew that not one of them were going to make him feel any more cooperative. She took a step back to clear Ayame for her departure.
But the wolf-girl lingered in hesitation. Finally she said, “Be careful.”
Kagome nodded once. “I will.”
Ayame half-turned, preparing to lave, but she stopped at the last moment and looked back. “Whatever happens, I want you know how much I…Well, that I…I…”
“It’s not very regal of you to be tripping on your words,” Kagome said with an impish grin.
That was Kagome: always finding a way to make even the impossible seem no more troublesome than a walk through a field of flowers. Ayame found herself smiling back as the tension in her seemed to be washed away. “Thank you.”
“Hey, what are friends for?”
One last farewell and Ayame was on her way. Kagome watched her go for a moment or two, then, with a deep, steadying breath, she turned to face the West.
It was so easy to be confident for others, but when it came right down to it, she knew she wasn’t nearly as confident in what she was doing as she had worked so hard to make Ayame believe. Oh, she was sure that he wouldn’t hurt her. Not physically at least. Not purposefully. But that didn’t mean he wouldn’t lash out at her with his venom, even if it was only the kind that came laced on his words. And it also didn’t mean that he would give her any quarter, let alone his ear. It didn’t mean that he wouldn’t leave her here to fend for herself regardless of what creatures may be on the prowl for blood or power. And no matter how many times she tried to tell herself otherwise, it didn’t mean that he wouldn’t take her willing presence and use it in some horrible way against Inuyasha.
She really had no idea what to expect. She could only hope that he could be as reasonable as she thought him to be, and pray that she wasn’t wrong in thinking that he wouldn’t throw acid in her face again. The last time really sucked. Even being highly resistant to youkai poisons as she was, she didn’t have Tetsusaiga’s sheath this time to protect her from the corrosive effects, not to mention the fact that would have to dig herself out of another steaming, bubbling, pile of melted whatever. Not cool. Not cool at all.
Actually, now that she thought about it, the guy really was a son of a bitch most of the time. And she didn’t just mean it literally. Putting aside the fact that he had done the funky chicken dance with Ayame then refused to withdraw his suit with her grandfather to make her his which had led to this whole mess in the first place (she was trying seriously hard to forget that fact actually), He went out of his way to make Inuyasha’s life hell. But then, he had also gone out of his way to bring Inuyasha back from hell. That made him a conundrum.
It had been because of these seemingly so different objectives that had led her to ponder for hours over the puzzle he presented her with. But, as with a puzzle, she knew she needed more pieces to make them all fit together. So she had watched, looking for more. Until she realized that he was watching back.
She wanted to say that she was shocked to make this discovery, but the more she thought about it, the more she came to realize that even though they were often separated by the field and the players on it, she and he had much more in common than either would ever be able to express. Especially not to each other.
Until now. Because it was all going to come out tonight. Or it was all going to go to hell.
One more deep breath to set her resolve, then she let it out slowly as she lowered herself into a respectful bow. He was there. Even if she couldn’t see him, she could still feel his presence. It was time.
“Sesshomaru.” She spoke his name in greeting, letting him know if he hadn’t already that she knew his presence, and more, that she was ready for this meeting to begin.
His response took only seconds. In less time than it would have taken her to blink had she been looking did he reveal himself on the path before her. Still, she remained in her bow. Even when she realized that the proportions were all wrong, that what stood before her was not a man (or the semblance of one that she usually saw from him) but rather the beast, she did not look up. She waited for him to make the next move.
It was a long time coming, but finally, he asked, “What do you want?”
Hearing a youkai’s voice was always an interesting experience. The trick was to listen to the sound, not the words. Or was it the words not the sound? Either way. The words weren’t really there, not in the sense that a human might decipher them. There is sound, but it is far too animal to make and logical sense. But that was the whole point. It was the animal part of the human brain, not the logical part, that would decipher the meaning of the sound and, in a warped kind of universal translator sort of way, overlay it with the words that would give it the proper meaning. Either that or youkai were psychic and they were implanting the words in the human mind, but Kagome much preferred her analysis of the problem. A person’s thoughts should be their own.
Finally straightening from her bow, and looking up – way up – to face him as best she could, Kagome replied, “I want to talk to you.”
Her voice didn’t waver, didn’t betray any hint of fear or hesitation to the massive beast before her. But then, she had seen him this way before. Of course, then he had stood evenly on two forelegs instead of one, but even that was just another of their unspoken understandings. Because she could see that the power was still there. The arm he had lost was just skin and bone, easily replaced should he choose to do so. Why he didn’t was his own prerogative. The point was that she knew. And after threatening to take it off for good, even though the others had assumed she referred to his borrowed limb at the time, he had understood the full potency of her threat.
She supposed he must have changed into his true form when he caught Ayame’s scent. Or maybe it was that he was always in that form and only chose the unnatural humanoid form when it was more conductive to his dealings with humans and their like. Then again, maybe he was just trying to be an ass and intimidate her. All good theories, but not a damn bit helpful by way of figuring out just what the hell she was supposed to do with a fifty foot dog towering over her and dripping globs of drool big enough for her to drown in, if, of course, they didn’t strip the flesh from her bones in a nice hot acid bath first.
Still, she waited for his reply. The uncomfortable silence seemed to stretch on forever, but Kagome wouldn’t budge. Then, just when she began to think she just couldn’t wait it out any longer, the change happened.
It was so subtle at first, like the tingle of hair standing up on the back of her neck or a shiver across her skin. But steadily it grew until she could see, and more importantly understand, what was happening. It was power. Dormant in the earth and sky and every living thing until called upon. And he was calling it now, drawing it to him, building power upon power until even the massive size of the beast was encased in it.
She had thought that to leave this form youkai would have to expel power, push it away until they were left with an amount more manageable by their smaller frames and humanoid bodies. She couldn’t have been more wrong. It took power to contain power. And with as much as he had at his disposal, Sesshomaru had to draw upon massive reserves from the land itself in order to contain the full magnitude of his strength and form.
It was exhilarating to watch the change. Even after it was done, after he stood before her in all outward appearances looking like a man, Kagome couldn’t help but remember the rush of that power, couldn’t help still feeling the course of adrenaline through her veins that it had provoked, couldn’t stop herself from shivering with the pleasure it had left in its wake.
Sesshomaru could see her reactions clearly, could almost taste the affect the change was having on her in her scent. But even knowing – especially knowing – that she more than any creature would be sensitive to the change, he spared her no mercy for it. It was she, after all, who had called this meeting. She who had used the Bitch’s scent to draw him out. This was her doing. The consequences of it would be hers as well.
“So talk.”
The chill in his tone made her shiver again, but violently, no pleasure accompanying the sensation. It broke her away from whatever lingering feelings the change had brought out in her with haste. She inhaled sharply, gasping for air that she suddenly seemed to lack.
It didn’t take long for her to collect herself, but under the unrelenting scrutiny of his gaze it seemed like an eternity before she managed to speak. When she did, she just hardly managed to keep her voice from wavering. “I suppose you already know why I’m here.” He said nothing to either confirm or deny it, but his silence managed to heat her temper enough to burn away her hesitations. She told him anyways. “Ayame and Kouga are to mate. But, apparently, they can’t do so as long as you won’t relinquish your claim over her.”
And still he said nothing. Fine, Kagome thought. If he wasn’t going to cooperate, then he didn’t deserve the sugar-coated explanation that she had rehearsed. He was going to get it straight up. Truth as it was: hard and cold and completely unfeeling.
“They’ve asked me to marry them. And I have agreed to do so.”
Finally, she got a reaction, even if it was only a slight narrowing of his eyes before he looked away to some distant point on the horizon. “Do what you want,” he said coolly.
“That’s the problem,” Kagome said as she side-stepped to the left to bring herself back into his immediate field of vision. “I don’t want to marry them. The fact of the matter is that I shouldn’t have to.”
If his calculating gaze before had been cold, now it turned to daggers of ice meant to cut. She had hit a nerve, and she knew it. But she wasn’t about to turn back now.
“All it would take is a word from you and Ayame could have the mating ceremony she has always dreamed of, and Kouga wouldn’t have to fight for her ever moment of every day as her grandfather turns the pack against him. Just one word and it would change their world. Just one word; that’s all it would take. And I know that they would do whatever it took to pay back your generosity.”
“It seems you have it all worked out, miko.” He spoke slowly, deliberately, every word laced in venom. “But there is one small problem with your plan.”
Kagome wished she didn’t have to ask. “What’s that?”
Then, to her surprise, he smiled, but it was ugly, twisted by something even more vile. “I never want to see that bitch ever again.”
Kagome was shocked into silence. She had never heard him speak in such a way. It was so unbelievably foreign that she kept repeating it over and over in her head to be sure she had really heard what she thought she heard. She didn’t know what to make of it. Worse, she didn’t know what she could do about it. And worse still, having said all he was going to say, Sesshomaru was making to leave.
Kagome couldn’t let him go. She wouldn’t. So she spit out the first thing that came to her mind that she knew would make him stay. “Coward!” She knew fear in an instant when he turned stiffly back to her, but she swallowed it down and hid behind her brave front. “That’s right,” she said. “You’re a coward. You won’t even stand here and face me, how could I have ever expected you to face her?”
“You dare –”
But Kagome wouldn’t let him finish his threat. “Damn right I do! I’d slap you if I thought it would knock any sense into you.”
He took a rigid step closer to her, but though trembling with trepidation, Kagome refused to succumb to his intimidation. “Then go ahead, miko,” he told her a voice so soft it might have been a whisper to a lover not the looming threat it really was. He leaned down to her so that his height did not hinder her strike. He even went so far as to turn his cheek, offering it to her in spite. “Do it.”
How dare he? Did he think himself invincible, that she couldn’t hurt him? Did he believe her human blood to be so thin that she couldn’t stand against him, that she wouldn’t? Was she truly so weak in his eyes as to be unable to strike him, that she would bear the humiliation of his audacity without retribution?
Anger burned within her, so much so that she stepped up to the challenge, her hand twitching in readiness at her side and swimming with power enough to teach this arrogant old dog a lesson. No one was more deserving of it than him. After everything he had done, all the brutal, callous, hateful things she knew and still those she knew she didn’t, no one deserved it more. It would be her great pleasure to be the one to knock him from his golden pedestal of deluded self-grandeur.
So then why couldn’t she bring herself to do it?
Because he wants me to. It should have been so obvious, but in her anger she had been blinded to what he had really been doing. The Killing Perfection, The Assassin, he was trying to manipulate her into striking the first blow. One which, if allowed, would shatter every ounce of delicate trust that had been the invisible shield between them all these years. Kagome would not allow herself to be manipulated like that. She would not play this hurtful and dangerous game. She didn’t want to.
But why, she couldn’t help but wonder, was he playing it at all?
Had he finally seen enough to know that even with her gifts she was still one of the humans he so despised? Was this his way of breaking their unspoken truce so that he could walk away faultless? After all this time, did he really want for her to be his enemy?
No. Kagome refused to believe it. Sesshomaru was pompous, arrogant, callous, and cold, but those things could never fully conceal the pride he had in himself, the honor by which he stood, and the loyalty he gave to those who stood with him.
So then why? Why was he doing this? Why was he trying to force her hand?
Then it struck her, more forcefully than she could ever have done to him. It had only been a matter of weeks since Naraku’s wicked games had taken Kagura from him so terribly. And now, so soon after a loss that he had tried for the world to seem unaffected by, he was being forced to watch as the girl he had sworn his life to be bound to another. Her smiles of joy and happiness, each one was a lash against his already bleeding heart.
Beaten and betrayed by the women who had meant the most to him in his life, why would he expect anything less from her?
He had offered it so freely, but Kagome would not add to his torment. It hurt though, more than she would have expected, that he thought she would care so little, that it would be so easy for her to cause him pain now when he was obviously suffering so much already.
Her anger faded on a breath. The pain, though, that lingered. “Tell me what happened,” she said quietly.
A scowl pressed his lips at being forced back. “No.”
But Kagome wasn’t deterred. “You have to talk to someone.”
“And you think it should be you?” He had scoffed out the comment like it was laughable.
“Well, why shouldn’t it be me?” She found she really wanted to know. After all, she already knew so much about it, and about him. So what if it was only by association, the fact remained that she did know. More than that, she could finally admit, if only to herself, she actually cared. “Do you think I would automatically take her side?”
That stopped him. Whatever scathing comment he planned on returning died on his lips before it ever formed. He blinked, a curious emptiness to his gaze showing clearly that it really hadn’t occurred to him otherwise, then he blinked again and it was gone. But with it, too, had gone the heat of his anger. He shook his head, looking anywhere but at her. “It doesn’t matter. It wouldn’t change anything.”
But something had changed. It was in his words, the formality gone as though it had never been there. And it was in his voice, the cold edge that no longer chilled but settled deep into ache.
“Sesshomaru.” She called his name, waiting until his eyes finally turned before reaching her hand to touch his arm. It was a measure of comfort she so often gave to her friends with hardly a thought, but she couldn’t help but think of how pivotal the simple gesture seemed in that moment. Because while in the past any truce they had was painted upon fragile barriers of glass – any contact superficial, any words exchanged devoid of meaning – this was something real, solid, true. Something more than an understanding easily broken. It was an olive branch she was holding out to him, giving him the choice to deny or accept what she would offer.
As she was watching him, he was watching her. In his eyes she could see the same focus, the same curious calculation, the same heated interest she had only even been able to glimpse at a distance. Only now it was right in front of her. He was right in front of her. And he wasn’t going to pull away.
She felt the hard flex of his arm when her fingers first brushed the surface, chords of muscle and tendon drawing tightly. But it was a reflex, simple reaction and defense animation in an unknown situation. It was quick to pass.
Kagome almost smiled, but couldn’t quite coax one that wasn’t heavy. Because she knew. “Whatever happened…” She let it go unfinished. She knew enough. She wouldn’t ask him again. She just wanted to let him know that she was there for him. Whether he needed it or not, she was there offering her support.
He wouldn’t take her up on her offer. They both knew that. There wouldn’t have been anything she could have done anyways. Not even she could change the past. But she had offered. That was enough.
She smiled then, tightening her hand against his arm to give it a squeeze. Be strong. “You have to do this, you know.”
Had she not been so close, she never would have known he had sighed. “I know.”
Kagome might have only understood half of what it was costing him to agree, but she knew more than enough to be grateful for it. A half-step was all the distance that remained between them. She closed it, sliding her arms past his sides and around his back. Her cheek pressed against the soft fur draped over his shoulder as she hugged him.
“Thank you,” she whispered against him.
And though he didn’t say anything, she understood when he sighed again before bringing his arm up behind her to pull her closer that it wasn’t for Ayame that he was going to do anything.
Warmth flooded her chest. For someone who was always so cold, it was amazing to find that where he held her all she knew was heat. Strength. Security. Comfort. She knew all these things folded in his embrace. But she knew something else, as well. Knew it in how she found her hand had wandered, pulling away from his back to touch timidly against the plating covering his chest. Knew it in the way she could feel her breaths lift her chest against his, and how her spine would shift ever so slightly to increase the contact. Knew it in the beat of her heart as it speed its rhythm and quickened her breath.
The sensation shocked her. She stiffened against him, her weight settling firmly on her own feet instead of against his frame. She didn’t pull away, but she couldn’t bring herself to face him either. She stood there, frozen, knowing he was looking down at her but unable to look up and meet his gaze.
A million thoughts tumbled through her mind, but they all boiled down to one unavoidable question: What am I doing?
His patience was lasting, but not infinite. After too much time had past, he asked her, “Do you want this?”
And though one tiny voice inside of her answered with a resounding ‘Yes’, there were a million others that told her unequivocally why she shouldn’t, couldn’t, and wouldn’t.
“No,” she said. And she meant it. But that didn’t make her any less reluctant to pull away from him.
He did it for her. He released her and stepped back to give her space. He wasn’t angry though, she knew that even before she found the courage to finally look up at him. A little disappointed, maybe, but only a little. Because as she had known without him ever saying what was troubling him, he knew exactly what was holding her back. And he respected that, would respect her for it.
She offered him a weak and wavering smile of apology, but Sesshomaru only shook his head. It wasn’t necessary. “Come,” he said. “It is late. There should be some shelter nearby.”
Kagome was beyond grateful to him for letting it slide. Her smile was real as she fell in step beside him. “Oh, I don’t know,” she said with a soft giggle that melted away the last of her tension, “I’ve stayed up this late already. I might as well stay up for the sunrise.”
He glanced over at her, one brow lifted curiously. “Indeed.”
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
“Umm, I don’t mean to nag or anything, but…don’t you think you might need some kindling or something if you plan on starting that?”
Kagome pointed at the pile of rather large logs that Sesshomaru had dropped on the ground in front of the shelter – ‘Shelter’ of course being in his terms, meaning a massive oak tree with an impressively wide base and an even more impressive canopy of leaves overhead. Really, she should have known that he was speaking Dog, but she hadn’t really caught up with her thoughts processes enough at the time he had said it to translate properly.
It wasn’t like she was about to complain though. It didn’t look like they were going to get any rain, so the canopy would be more than enough to keep the nightly settling of dew away from them. Plus, there was the added bonus that the tree was so incredibly huge that it had choked out any other foliage that might have thought to compete with it, leaving a great view of the eastern sky where soon the rising of the sun would bring in the dawn.
But really, had the guy never started a fire before? It occurred to her, briefly, that it was entirely possible. After all, what use did he have for fire? If he was cold, he could just conjure up more fur. And it wasn’t like he actually had to cook any of his meals.
She was still working over the current puzzle in her head when a short whistle drew her focus up. It should have been obvious, since Sesshomaru was the only other person there and all, but Kagome just had to ask, “Did you just whistle at me?”
His only response was a sly wink before he tossed a grey lump of…well…lump at her. Kagome just barely managed to catch it. Once it was, finally, secure in her hand, she managed to discover it wasn’t a grey lump of lump, but rather a grey lump of rock. So much better.
She made a face. “It’s flint,” she said dryly.
Sesshomaru made his way over to her then, stopping once to stoop over and pick up a stone he had toed from the dirt. “So,” he said as he handed her the little sharp-edged rock, “light it.”
“You can’t be serious.”
“I would do it, naturally, but…” he trailed off with a shrug that he must have known would draw her eyes to the empty sleeve of cloth that should have held his left arm.
The action itself, not to mention the evident ploy to place a sympathy card on the table – one he knew she wouldn’t give as surely as she knew he didn’t need – It was highly suspicious. Kagome told him so with an incredulous look. But even so, she decided to play along.
She held the flint rock steady in her left hand and prepared to strike it with her right. He was right beside her, hovering just a little closer than he needed to. It made her wonder. But, in some way she didn’t quite grasp yet, it thrilled her as well.
One strike. That was all it took to rake a shower of sparks from the stone. And one instant, one sweep of his hand to release a rain of acid over the tiny flashes of light, was all it had taken to turn mere sparks into a blast of roaring fire. Like hairspray when held up to a flame, whatever poison he used was not only corrosive and deadly but so flammable it could release an explosion at his whim.
Startled, and reacting only on instinct to put distance between herself and the deadly flames, Kagome pulled back, bringing her arms up to shield her face. But the heat faded almost as quickly as it had come, and by the time she risked a peek out from behind her pathetically weak barrier, all that remained of the inferno was a steady burn that had settled on the logs.
Her features were slack. Shock and awe made her jaw hang uselessly as she stared in wonder at the licking flames. But then, like a switch had been thrown in her head, she snapped out of the moment of shock and began to cheer.
“Whoo!” She clapped and threw up her hands. “That was freakin’ awesome!”
Heedless of what she was doing, her only thought to share her joy with the one who had given it to her, Kagome turned and threw her arms around Sesshomaru. She pulled herself up against him, and in one infinitesimal space in time, she made a choice.
She kissed him.
Maybe she had only meant for it to be a chaste press of the lips, but she would never really know for sure. Because as soon as her lips touched his he took to them with hungry abandon. His arm pulled up around her, holding her close, not letting her stray. And his lips moved against hers, drawing her closer still, making her forget ever wanting to let it end.
It was a moment of bliss, of complete surrender to needs and desires that had gone far too long without being met. But as all things must end, so did that moment.
Breathless and dazed, Kagome pulled back from Sesshomaru. Her hand trembled as she lifted it to cover her lips. Sesshomaru must have seen it, must have realized that it was thoughts of consequence breaking through to make her hand shake. Easy as it had been to cross the boundaries between them, temptation was never without its consequences. And she was feeling them now.
“I’m sorry.”
Kagome’s focus was drawn up to Sesshomaru when he spoke. For a moment, she said nothing, simply looked at him, her eyes glazed and distant. Then, “I’m…” Slowly a smile began to warm on her lips. “…not.”
She didn’t wait to see his reaction. Her own was telling enough. Her cheeks burned scarlet, not simply from embarrassment. And even pulling her bottom lip between her teeth couldn’t bite back the smile that simply refused to leave her now that it had come.
She meant it, she knew. She wasn’t sorry. A million consequences be damned; she wasn’t sorry. Time and time again she knew she would see him on the field and off it; she couldn’t now imagine the time not knowing this side of him. On the field he was of one mind: to conquer. To others, friend and foe alike, he was hard, unyielding, and arrogant. But with her, now, he was something else entirely.
As solid as his hold had been, it had been giving, responding to every move she made, steadying her when her lifting hold around his neck and press from his lips tipped her off balance. And oh his lips. So sure in what he wanted, yet so yielding and compliant to every motion of hers. He was greedy, always wanting more, pressing harder, deeper; but as much as he took, he gave back as well, letting her demands to taste him win over his. But then, a kiss can only go so deep, can only yield so much, until when it was over – when his lips only touched hers softly, wrapping around one or the other and pulling it out toyingly, letting her do the same until they both knew every curve of the other’s mouth – and a kiss became so much more.
No, she wouldn’t be sorry for that. She would not regret that.
Taking her seat by the fire, Kagome leaned back against the base of the tree. She didn’t have to look up to know that Sesshomaru had followed. But when he didn’t make a move to sit, she found herself squirming with nerves. It was almost funny – enough to make her laugh, but not nearly enough to make it sound anything but forced. “So much for not being awkward,” she said.
“Hmph.”
Whether his reply was a scoff of disgust or assent, she wasn’t really sure. But either way, he took the hint. After slipping the bone-plated armor he wore over his head and letting it fall heavily to the ground, he shrugged off his pelt and lay it against the tree. The padding was soft and plush, and he reclined easily into it as he surely had a thousand times.
Kagome really didn’t need an invitation to that one. She slid closer to him, at first thinking just to share the soft comfort; but when he moved his arm aside instead to open a cradle for her to lie in, she couldn’t help but smile and cuddle in beside him. It was so easy, the comfort she felt with him, like they had been friends forever. And maybe they had been, even though they could never say it, never show it.
She lay there with him, just watching the lick of the flames in the fire. Red and yellow, blue and gold. There was silence, but it was full somehow even without words. And Kagome breathed it in deeply in contentment.
But something else came to her on that breath. “Cedar,” she said. Her voice was distant, trying to catch up with the fleeting image that had danced through her drifting mind. They say that scent is the sense most strongly connected to memory. And it was the scent of the cedar logs burning on the fire that had triggered hers. “I remember. Cedar chips and the smell of cherries – tobacco from my grandfather’s pipe. That’s what the shed always smells like back home.”
Home…But she wasn’t home, was she?
Kagome lifted herself so that she could look up at Sesshomaru. He had tilted his head down to watch her. Those golden eyes, the telltale mark of his lineage, they were so familiar, but so very different at the same time. His hair was spun of silver threads, but kept and neat and so very unlike what she had come to know. His features were strong, but not in that rugged, hard-worn kind of way. Regal might have been the best way to describe them. And he was just as confident in himself as he would be in battle, meaning that no matter how much she looked at him or what weight her gaze might have carried, he would not look away.
No, she realized, she wasn’t home. Home was a place far from here. Far from him. She knew this. Just as she knew that she would return to that home once this night was over. She would return, and everything that happened on this night would in turn become a memory. She would never have time like this to spend with him again, never get so close, never hold him or have him hold her. It simply would never be.
He must have known this as well. And he had no intentions of wasting what time they had.
He leaned over her and took her lips. Only this time he offered no apology for his actions, and she no excuses for hers. He kissed her deeply, long and slow. And she fell willingly, her arms wrapping around his neck, pulling him even closer, giving her leverage to pull herself up and meet him.
The movement was seamless. She shifted her right leg to cross his thighs and moved her body to follow. He lifted her as she lifted herself, never breaking the lock of their lips until she was on top of him, her legs straddling his and her arms, like his, free to touch, caress, and explore.
When she broke away to take a breath, her arms tightened around his neck. Don’t leave yet, they said. And he didn’t. Instead he worked his way down from her lips, kissing her jaw, her neck when she bared it to him, and still lower until his mouth was biting at her breast through her blouse.
Kagome mewled in pleasure, arching her back to press harder against him. As she did so her hips shifted, sliding, rubbing, and she moaned, pulling back again and dipping her head down to steal his mouth away from her chest. And again their lips took to each others. Harder now, seeking heat from pressure and pleasure from heat, they fell into the pace of lovers; kiss, touch, friction, all of it mingling and intermingling to create sensation, passion, and drive their lust.
A long press of her hips met with a hard thrust of his and Kagome’s breath caught. Pleasure rocketed through her frame on an intense jolt. It was numbing in its wake, making her collapse weakly against Sesshomaru. He held her to him as her breathing paced. And she held him close, never wanting to let go.
But still she knew, “We have to stop.” Her words were a whisper, reluctant but sure. “No matter how much I may want to…” She let her hips press down meaningfully as she shifted her weight so that she could look at him. Her lips twitched into a crooked grin. “I don’t want to end up being ‘that bitch’ you never want to see again.”
“That wouldn’t happen.” His response was immediate, certain.
As if to prove it, he leaned in to her to take her lips again. But Kagome pulled back out of reach, shaking her head no. Because it would happen, just like that, if they let themselves be ruled by temptation. She brought her hand up to cup his face, fingers trailing delicately along lines of crimson. The irony was poetic, that of the two of them, it was she who would be strong.
She smiled at him, for him. Because it had been wonderful, incredible, but, “This can’t happen.” And she wasn’t only referring to the physical nature of what they had been doing. She was bound to another, had promised to always be by his side. Though she had indulged herself in this night’s pleasure, had been just as willing a participant as him to take part in the intimacy they shared, she knew it could never be anything more than a fantasy made real, a dream that would end with the night.
A long breath left him. Resigned, he nodded. Of course he knew these things as well. But still, he leaned into her touch, letting his eyes slip closed as he brushed his cheek against her hand. His lips found her palm and pressed against it. Once, twice, then again, only pausing on the third, lingering, his breath hot against her skin. Even though she couldn’t see it, she could feel it so clearly when his expression changed, the soft touch of his lips tightening against the sensitive skin of her palm as he smiled.
His sudden grip against her wrist startled her, but the more shocking was the unexpected feeling of teeth on her skin, pinching hard against her inner wrist. She let out a short cry, but knew in an instant, as her head swam with foggy pleasure, that it was no cry of pain. She swooned against the intensity of the feeling. And it was then, with her thoughts a fog and her eyes hazy with pleasure, that he ripped himself away from her wrist and stole her lips.
If saying no during an anti-climax was difficult, then doing so when caught in the heat of the moment was nearly impossible. It was just too easy to fall back into it all, and in no time Kagome was lost in his passion all over again.
The change was subtle – so gently he leaned her back, so easily he settled atop of her – but it was enough, that subtle change that put him in control. It was enough to remind her with vivid clarity what it was she was doing and with who.
“No.” Kagome tensed underneath him. She put her hands on his chest and turned her head to avoid his next kiss. “Stop.”
When he didn’t, choosing instead taking advantage of how exposed her neck had become from turning her head, Kagome grew agitated. “Sesshomaru.” Her voice was as hard as the pressure she applied against his chest to push him away. If he thought he could make her forget herself just because he could entice pleasure from her flesh, he was sorely mistaken.
Finally, he relented and pulled back, releasing a breath that might have been a sigh. “Are you really going to deny me again?” he asked, but there was more than the question he had asked in his voice. It was almost a challenge, but one which he seemed certain she wouldn’t answer.
And Kagome couldn’t help but smile at that. Because as much as she was fighting with herself to do the right thing, just by calling her out on it, by forcing her to say aloud the truth of what they both seemed to know her answer would be, he was letting her know that he knew just as well as she, that, like her, he was letting this happen, making it happen even knowing that it shouldn’t.
“Yes,” she answered truthfully. As tempting as it might have been, and it was very tempting, she wouldn’t let things go any further than they already had. It had been enough. Anything more would asking too much.
Having expected her answer anyways, Sesshomaru merely shrugged, returning her smile with a ghost of his own before he leaned down and kissed her again.
Beneath him, Kagome squirmed, trying to fight off giggles as much as him. Every time she pushed him away, he would shift and come at her from a different angle. And every time she turned her head to try and block him from his target, he would find a new patch of skin to snatch with his lips. Not forceful. Not anything like that. It was playful, teasing, each kiss a chaste peck, each advance as easily pushed away as the last. Yet Kagome found herself giving in as often as not, stealing kisses of her own as she played along.
One kiss, though, lasted longer than the others. Not chaste this time. Not even close. When at length it had finished, her lips lingered on his, brushing softly, toying gently.
“Why do you keep trying?” she asked him in a whisper
And he answered simply, “Because I want to.”
As always, there was more to what he said than just the words, and it wasn’t anything as simple as the action they implied. It wasn’t just that he wanted to, but that he wanted to with her.
This time when he kissed her, she didn’t try to pull away.
Time passed without their knowledge or consent, until at last, when Kagome opened eyes, she found herself looking into his in the early rays of the morning sun. They were so clear they looked like glass. Not golden though, not exactly. She hadn’t noticed before, had never been given the chance to; but his eyes only appeared to be made of gold. Dark amber streaked from the pupil into the softer shades of yellow that made up the iris, meeting somewhere in the middle to create the illusion.
She smiled dreamily and whispered, “It’s morning.”
“So it is,” he replied. And what a night it had been.
He kissed her again and Kagome responded immediately, knowing now the course of the dance, only taking cues for the pace. It was slow, soft, tender; perfect. And after having not slept all night, her sluggish thoughts and motions gave it a dreamlike quality as well.
Until the dream was shattered.
Sesshomaru sat up in a rush. His posture had hardened. His focus was alert. He looked up sharply at the figure gliding above the trees.
“Was that…” Kagome was so shocked she could hardly believe what she was seeing. “…Sango?”
Sesshomaru made a sound in his throat, something so deep it might have been a growl. “It would appear so.”
Kagome stared incomprehensively for a second or two, but when everything finally managed to catch up to her, inappropriate as it might have been, she laughed. “Oh my God! Seriously?” She couldn’t really explain what she found so funny, but she couldn’t help herself. She laughed even harder.
After a moment watching her, Sesshomaru gave in to the humor of it all. He smirked. “Her timing does leave something to be desired.” Then stood and offered her a hand up.
Still giggling, Kagome took his hand and pulled herself to her feet. The laughter faded then, but her smile did not. She stood before him, just looking at him. She couldn’t find words, but then, she didn’t think she had to. Even if he wasn’t smiling as she was, the softness of his gaze as it fell upon her was telling enough.
“Kagome?”
Kagome jumped an inch in start. She was quick to turn, quicker still to slide her hand from Sesshomaru’s. “Yeah,” she called back to the slayer girl who had touched down with Kirara just on the edges of the tree’s clearing. “I’m coming.”
One last time she looked back to Sesshomaru. The smile she gave him might have been forced, but the meaning behind it was true enough. Goodbye, she said without ever really saying it. Thank you.
Out loud, her words were far less intimate. “See you around.”
- - - - - - - - - - - -
There was silence for a long, lingering moment after the girls took to the skies before Sango finally spoke.
“So did you enjoy making out with Sesshomaru?” When Kagome said nothing, she added bitterly, “Was he at least a good kisser?” In other words: was it worth risking your relationship with Inuyasha for just one night of spontaneous pleasure?
Kagome stayed stiff in her silence. What had happened she would not look upon as anything but the beautiful memory it had become. She would not have anyone tell her what she did was wrong. Not anyone.
“It didn’t go very far,” she said, but her meaning was clear. Drop it. Leave it alone. It’s none of your business.
“I didn’t think you would let it,” Sango replied, not saying, but clearly implying that she didn’t think she should have let any of it happen in the first place.
Kagome said nothing. She didn’t want to fight with her friend. Besides, she and Sango were so close that a little disagreement about morality would blow them over in a matter of minutes once they cooled off. Her secret was safe in the slayer’s hands. Sango would say nothing to the others. And since she had already said her part, though Kagome resented having to explain herself at all, she knew that the worst of it had passed.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
“It was a beautiful ceremony, Ayame.” Kagome hugged the wolf-girl tightly, but not so tightly that her tear-stained makeup would rub off on her friend’s elaborate gown.
And Ayame returned the embrace with just as much strength and love. “It could never have happened without you, Kagome.”
“Oh, I’m sure you would have found a way.” Kagome said with a grin. She looked to Kouga who was now and forevermore standing proudly at Ayame’s side. “Besides, who could say no for long to such a handsome guy?”
“Apparently, you,” Kouga returned with just as much joyful banter.
Kagome untangled herself from Ayame to give him a proper hug as well. “I’m so happy for you,” she whispered in his ear.
“Thanks, Kagome.” Then, with a lop-sided grin as he pulled away, he added, “I suppose I’m going to have to stop calling you my woman now.”
“Keh. It’s about fucking time you mangy wolf.”
Inuyasha might have thought his gruff dismissal of Kouga was enough to hide it, but Kagome couldn’t be fooled by him. “Come on, Inuyasha,” she teased. “You might as well admit it. I saw you get all fogged up when Kouga and Ayame were performing their rites.”
Inuyasha bristled for a second at the jibe, but, always quick on his feet, he made a fast recovery. “You were the one acting like a blubbering fool out there, Kagome,” he sneered. “I was just trying so damn hard not to laugh at the flea-bag over there when he went and licked her –”
“Inuyasha sit!”
Kagome was bright red with embarrassment and fuming over the subjugated hanyou. She couldn’t believe he was about to go and make such a beautiful rite of passage into something so vulgar.
The other’s, well accustomed to seeing Inuyasha get put in his place by the little miko, just took the commotion in stride. Ayame still smiled her radiant smile. Kouga still held himself taller than he had ever before this day. And the other guests, though glancing their way with passing interest, let it slide down with another taste of their drinks.
Miroku used his staff to probe the fallen hanyou’s back and check for signs of reanimation. “Really, Inuyasha, won’t you ever learn?”
On his arm, Sango huffed a breath of disbelief and mumbled, “Not in this lifetime,” before turning to Ayame and offering her a wide smile. “It really was a wonderful ceremony. Thank you so much for letting us be a part of it.”
“I wouldn’t have had it any other way,” Ayame said, and she meant it wholeheartedly. “Not even the fighting, or lack there of,” she added with a telling glance down into Inuyasha’s self-made crater, “could have made this day any more memorable.”
A muffled, growling reply from the ground and the hanyou half-buried in it had them all laughing.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
The sounds of celebration and merriment were fading now. His duty done, Sesshomaru meant to leave it all behind. Ayame had made her choice, made it freely and with all her heart. There was nothing left between them but the understanding of free compliance and aid should he ever ask her of it. Likely he wouldn’t, but one never really knew what the future held. Except for maybe Her…
He had known, expected it even, to see her there with that moronic hanyou by her side. He had known, expected, but had been completely unprepared for the tearing fury that threatened to rip away from him and lash out at Inuyasha because of it. Because of her.
But then, it was because of her that he had come. He had given his word and he couldn’t go back on it. He wouldn’t. So he had been given no choice but to smother his anger, bury it down so deep to a place where it could only smolder not erupt in a torrent of rage. It wasn’t so much more difficult that hiding any of his other emotions. It wasn’t, but that didn’t mean he would subject himself to if for longer than absolutely necessary.
So he had left. He would hardly be missed. It wasn’t his place anyways. Not like it was hers. He had seen her. So easy and comfortable in her camaraderie, she hadn’t even noticed as he took one last look. None of them had.
Just as well, he supposed. Some things simply weren’t meant to be. While others truly were impossible.
His next step seemed heavy, reluctant, until he realized that with his thoughts a maze of distraction, his body had taken up his defenses reflexively. He was not alone. He turned quickly, fluidly, at the same time as setting his stance to be prepared for anything.
Funny thing about emotions: you can’t really prepare yourself for them. So when he turned and saw that it was no enemy he was facing, but the little miko he had been so distracted thinking about, he was a loss for what to do.
She was keeping her distance several paces from were he stood. She wouldn’t come to him now. Not with eyes to see and ears to hear. He knew that. But she just stood there. Waiting. Though for what he couldn’t tell, couldn’t even guess at.
But then, it seemed to him that she was just as unsure. Her hands clenched the hem of her skirt anxiously. Or maybe it was nervously. And her eyes, even across the distance between them, seemed to plead with him for something that, though he didn’t know what, he was almost certain she didn’t either.
Moments ticked by, time always pushing forward, and still silence stretched between them. But there was nothing he could say. He wouldn’t take it back. Even knowing it couldn’t ever go anywhere beyond what had already been, he wouldn’t take it back. And he wanted to believe that she wouldn’t either.
But then he realized that in the silence that stretched between them, there was something else, too. There was a longing. His. Hers. It lay heavily on the air like a blanket concealing the secrets only they shared. She would not act on it. She made it clear by keeping her distance as she did. And he would not pursue it. He had shown her as much when he refused to rise to Inuyasha’s ridiculous and impulsive challenge.
There was really nothing left to be said, so he said nothing. Instead, he smiled, slowly, warm from the memory and the knowledge that she had come to him this one last time. Then he bowed to her in respect and honor. When he rose there were tears streaming from her eyes, but they could never have taken away from the beauty of her radiant smile.
That was how it had ended. He turned from her then and walked away. Leaving, but leaving nothing behind. Instead he carried something with him, something that started as only a glimmer of an idea, but which, over time, would grow and blossom.
Because in that moment he found that it wasn’t so hard to believe. In anything. In everything.
Fin…
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What a lovely story, don’t you think? I just had to write this one. Whatever it took, I needed to give it words. I know, I know, no angst, no smut, no Shadowy chaos; but this story has a little something special woven into it. You know, like brownies when you make them with…ahem…love :)
Anyways…The Title. It might seem like it doesn’t fit, but you’re just going to have to trust me that it is beyond perfect. There’s only a handful of people out there who know the reason why, and probably only a handful more that can guess. For those of you who can guess though, let’s just keep it between us. For those who know already, I dare you to call me on it.
So I guess that’s all for now. I hope you all enjoyed.
Yours.
Shadow