General Stuff/Disclaimer: This is my first attempt at a drabble series, so be gentle with me as I'm sorta learning how it goes. Other than that the usual stuff. I don't own Inuyasha, this isn't for profit, etc etc blah blah. Enjoy the story!
“This is what my life adds up to."
It was a sad thought for the woman.
“I only wish I knew what I was suppose to be doing. That if there was something more I was destined for it was more important than the fruitless days I’ve wasted here.”
Kagome leaned back to look at her laptop, the several thousand dollars of hardware open to Farmville, one of the many facebook games where she spent most of her evenings. It was settled on the edge of the designer coffee table in the living room. It matched the rest of the overpriced furniture, all the latest trends. She didn’t really want it, but Hojo had insisted on it for when he entertained guests at the house. Not that they’d had guests in several months, but she thought in his own way he was trying to give her something else, to draw her out of the depression that had latched onto her soul with such ferocity she doubted it would ever leave - she wasn’t certain she cared anymore if it did.
She knew a lot of people cared for such luxury but to her it had become a beautiful representation of the rest of her life, she didn’t belong with such a lifestyle, she never had. Somehow she knew she never was suppose to be here in the first place, after all the years she’d chased after her crush, finally defeating the evil of Naraku. It was all some distant dream now, and there were many days where she had started to wonder herself if she hadn’t imagined all of it. That was what Hojo was certain, he wanted her to see a psychiatrist after she’d attempted to confide in him why she was so sad, and he’d only thought her insane.
“Maybe I am.” She stared at the screen, waiting for her eggplants to finish growing, they were all at ninety-nine percent so soon they would pop up so she could pick them and plow fields before planting more. It felt like a endless pit, where nothing was actually accomplished, her games, her marriage, her entire life was just more surviving the days, wasting every possible moment trying not to fall completely into despair.
At least when she was playing the games, it distracted her for hours, it made the time steadily waste away. Today she had gotten up a little earlier than usual, and any time she wasn’t focused on something was time left to lament about how far from her hopes she’d ended up.
Her ‘easy’ lifestyle was one a lot of other women envied. She knew that she was better off than a lot of people, her sadness hadn’t blinded her to that fact, only deepened her guilt for her inability to be happy with what she possessed.
After they’d defeated Naraku Kagome had been able to make a wish that wasn’t selfish on the jewel of four souls to purify it. She’d wished that all the evil that Naraku had done would be wiped away with his death, and as a result time had shifted, she’d never returned to the past yet she couldn’t forget it or any of her friends there, that her life had been taken from her because she’d done the right thing. Even in this strange combination of dimensions her high school years had gone poorly, she remembered two lifetimes but in her false one she still hadn’t done very well in school. She had decided it was a result of it being closer to the truth, which only she could remember, her family and friends didn’t recall her trips to the past or her sicknesses.
Tonight she had to leave with Hojo, in only about an hour he’d be by the house to pick her up. She’d agreed to go to one of the parties at a local hotel that the hospital was funding. It was some high priced dinner with hardly edible food, though at least the proceeds would go back to the hospital where Hojo worked now. He’d become a doctor as he always planned to, as was his own destiny, the way his family had always been. They didn’t approve of her; Kagome didn’t work, she’d tried to hold a couple jobs but she was either too easily distracted or depressed to care about if they held up. She couldn’t even be considered a trophy wife, as many of the other doctors wives had called her behind her back, she wasn’t seen enough that she felt that applied. She usually only went to events for larger holidays or if Hojo was laying on the guilt more than usual. He’d been an amazing man through it all, he’d suffered almost completely silently through her depressed state though she knew he must have realized she didn’t love him the same way he seemed to adore her.
She felt the least she could do was go and play nice and smile and nod and try to keep up with small talk when he had one of these larger events he wanted her to attend. She mostly was glad there was a open bar, she wasn’t a loud drunk, perhaps even more quiet than normal, but it was a nice way to take the edge off of her overpowering sorrow.
Her eggplants were ready to be picked, she’d need to get some more planted so she’d have something to do with them tomorrow, then she could go get ready for the dinner tonight.