The Peeps Go Marching One By One…
By Danyealle-sama
I own nothing when it come to Inuyasha, save my Sesshomaru fan girl souvenirs, nor the candy Peeps and make no money from this fiction (no one in their right mind would pay me for this anyway).
CrackFic, not meant to be taken at all seriously. And no, I’m not sharing the drugs I was taking when I wrote this.
Dedicated to Demon Goddess who gave me the idea whether she knew it or not. Plus, she hates those disgusting things as much as I do!
Puttering around in his large kitchen, Sesshomaru was desperately trying to get the mess cleaned up before Kagome and the kids came home. It would be about dinner time when they arrived so it wouldn’t do to have the kitchen a nightmare that she would have to clean before she could even start cooking. His stomach was tuned to being fed at a certain time and his three boys were prone to being cranky if they weren’t fed on schedule. Though he felt it was far beneath him and his daiyoukai status to do something as mundane as clean up the kitchen, since he helped make the mess he felt that it was only right. Plus, he wouldn’t have to put up with the glares from his miko if he did.
Puttering around, he threw away used boxes and other things that had come from his time decorating Easter eggs with his pups. Honestly, though he would never say it, he had enjoyed the time he spent doing that with them. It wasn’t something that he normally would do, but the time spent with the boys dipping and coloring the eggs had been enjoyable.
Once the remnants of the dying and coloring was gone, he wiped up the counters then tossed everything into the dishwasher for later. That complete, he went about putting up the things Kagome had bought for the boys to put in their baskets the following day. Opening a cupboard, he hid the candy and toys on a high shelf that he knew wouldn’t stop his pups, he knew them well enough that something like a shelf out of their reach wouldn’t deter them from snooping, but would slow them down enough that he may be able to catch them before they could get to the candy booty. Sliding everything as far back as he could, he was pleased with himself over the hiding spot.
About to shut the door, he stopped when a box of those disgusting, pink marshmallow peeps fell out. Grabbing it, he was about to stuff it back on the shelf when an idea dawned on him. Grinning wickedly, he shut the door and walked over to the microwave with the candy. Stripping the box off the row of little pink chicks, he tossed it aside then stuffed the sugary snack into the machine and turned it on. Crouching down, he watched with avid interest as they turned around and around on the tray in it, swelling as they grew closer to the bursting moment as the sugary thick concoction that they were made of started to liquefy. Grinning manically, the kind of look that would almost always have terrified Jaken into almost wetting himself in the past, he waited, body tense, for that one moment that was coming quickly.
Rubbing his hands together, eyes glued to the lighted front of the microwave, he waited until, suddenly, there was a soft pop and the marshmallow creatures exploded, coating the inside of it. Chuckling evilly, he stood up, eyes dancing. That had been most satisfying to see. He hated those things and they tasted horrid. But, now, he had to clean up the mess they had made. It wouldn’t do to have to explain to Kagome why their microwave was coating with liquefied marshmallow and pink, sugary coating.
Grabbing the paper towels, he popped the door open and started to wipe out the chunks of liquefied goop that coated the thing. Smirking a bit, he thought that watching the explosion of it was worth the cleanup effort. Sure, it was a childish, immature thing to do, but Easter only came once a year and he had to have some fun once in a while.
After tossing away the first wad of paper towels, he was wiping up more of the globs of gooey mess when the warm, thick liquid seemed to wrap around his hand and hold him still. Brow furrowed, he yanked on his hand, trying to extract it but it was held fast. Then he felt the mass of gelatinous goo slither up his arm, coating it. Snarling, he yanked harder, trying to get himself loose, confused as to what was going on. However, that thick concoction seemed to not be deterred and moved ever further up his arm, coating it in a sticky white, thick mass.
Panicking a bit, he yanked harder, letting his hand turn green in hopes of dissolving the ever moving mass. Sure, it would probably destroy the microwave but he would just buy Kagome another one, telling her that this one stopped working. But it didn’t work. Though the mass took on a bit of a lime green hue for a few moments, it quickly went back to a pristine white and continued its march up his arm. It was about then that he heard what sounded like the marching of hundreds of little feet across the kitchen floor.
Whipping his head around, he glanced around the room, eyes widening to the point they looked like they would fall out of his head. There, covering the floor, counters, stove, refrigerator, any available surface, was what seemed like an army of peeps. Pink, orange, green, blue, yellow, lavender, bunnies, chickens, they were all there just sitting motionless staring at him with those black candy eyes of theirs. Something about this scene freaked him out and scared him in a way that no youkai he had battled in the past ever had done. In fact, this was more unnerving and frightening than Naraku had ever thought of being!
Letting out a very canine-like whine, he struggled against the mass that was holding his arm in the microwave, fully intending to flee the kitchen when he was loose. No, he didn’t want to deal with this nightmare! The way he saw it, he was going to have to retrieve Bakusaiga to rid himself of the issue. Destroying the kitchen would be a small price to pay to accomplish that. Hell, Kagome was talking about wanting to redecorate it anyway. This would give her an excuse to do just that. But he couldn’t manage to get his hand loose from the accursed goop that held him in place! Letting out a louder whine, starting to sweat, he yanked harder.
Then, the silent mass of candy began to move once more. The sounds of feet on the floor and appliances, echoed in the kitchen and they all seemed to be humming some kind of happy, cheerful spring-like tune as they moved. Though the expression on their candy faces didn’t seem to change at all, he got the distinct feeling that they intended to do some serious harm to his cherished person and an atmosphere of malice seemed to fill the air.
Terror, pure and unadulterated, was setting in and he began to howl like a dog, struggling mightily against the steel-like goo that held him in place. He yanked on it so hard that the appliance came off the counter and smashed into the front of the cabinets but it still was attached to his arm by the substance that held him. Backing away, keeping an eye on the candy army as he did, he was inching towards the exit. He had to get his damn sword! That was the only way to stop this nightmare!
When he was at the door to the kitchen, he was just about to bolt through it when the unearthly, nightmarish army seemed to all jump at once, landing on him. Howling in fear, he struggled against the sticky, nasty candy that pelted him as he tried to inch his way out the door. The goo seemed to start its crawl up his body faster and was now encompassing him up to his shoulder. Once every part of his person was coated with either that slimly, white goop or a candy animal, it all seemed to stop. Time felt as though it stood still for a moment before there was a giant explosion and he was covered, head to toe, with liquefied marshmallow and brightly colored candy. Opening his mouth to scream, it was then filled with the sticky, sweet stuff, making him gag on the disgusting taste of it.
Suddenly, as he was about to start screaming for help, an arm flopped across his chest and a whimper was heard from a small child. Bolting upright in bed, he looked around, panicked to find that he was sprawled in his bed with all three of his pups. They were still asleep. It was the youngest that had jarred him awake as he shifted around.
Flopping back down, he shut his eyes and groaned, heart hammering in his chest. It was all just a nightmare brought on by the festivities they had participated in earlier that day and the sweets they had all ingested. Really, he should have known better because he wasn’t used to that kind of sugar intake and it was bound to cause havoc in his system.
Taking deep, calming breaths as he tried to put the vision of rampaging Peeps out of his mind, he growled out, “I hate Easter!”