This is my first fanfic with Sesshomaru and my first oneshot…ever. When I saw this challenge, thought it was funny and the perfect way to introduce myself with his character. He is VERY OOC, since he is portraying Maury. I do watch the Maury Show, so when I saw DemonQueen17 post, this story came to my head.
Disclaimer: I do NOT own Inuyasha, which belongs to Rumiko Takahashi. Nor do I own The Maury Show, which belong to Maury Povich.
Warning: Rated M for language. Although I used [BEEP] to cover most of them, I am just taking precautions. I am sorry for any miss spellings or bad grammar; I do not have a BETA. You have been warn.
Sorry about earlier, if you saw this and got a blank stroy. It didn't seem to have gone tru the fist few tries.
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The cheers of the audience hit his ears as he neared the stage. The set up was always the same: A stair case leading down to the stage from backstage, three chairs, and TV screens around the studio for the audience. He fixed his black slacks and smoothed out his black sweater. His long silver hair was left loose and flowed behind him. With a short glance to his co-workers, he moved up to start his show.
He waved at the audience as the cheers become louder. Lifting his pants a bit, he sat on one of the chair and faced the camera.
“Welcome to the Sesshomaru Show. I am your host Sesshomaru Tashio. Today will be an exciting day. Our first guest of the day is Sango.”
He turned to the young woman next to him. Sango had her hair tied in a high ponytail; she wore a simple blank top and blue jeans. She was not in a happy mood.
“Unfortunately she is not here for a pleasant visit. She is here because she truly believes her husband is cheating on her.”
Loud gasps and “boos” came for the crowed while Sango nodded. “She is here to make him a lie detector test to prove that not only did he cheat on her with not one…nor two women…but with seventeen different women. “
“That’s right Sesshomaru. That no good lying son of a bitch thought he could do this to me and get away with it. Once I found out for sure he is cheating on me, I am going to give such a beating and kick his [beep] out on the streets like the dog he is!” Sango exclaimed as she got on her feet.
Sesshomaru moved his hands up and down and tried to calm the crowed as it got excited with Sango’s promise. “Now, at the backstage we have Sango’s husband, Miroku. And he this is what he had to say about the accusations.”
Through the crowds’ howling, the TV screens turned to show a video. A man in his late 20’s showed; he had black hair tied in a low ponytail, and purple eyes.
“I am here to show my wife, that I did not cheat on her. I love her dearly, and she is my world. All those women are just past lovers who cannot stand not being with me. It’s not my fault I am irresistible. The test will show that I did NOT sleep with any women beside my wife, I respect her too much to do that.”
Sesshomaru stood, “Let’s welcome, Miroku.”
The man from the video started to walk down the stairs that lead to the stage. He tried to ignore the loud ‘boos’ and ‘hisses’ from the audience and went to shake Sesshomaru’s hand. In the progress, Sango got up and moved the chair next to her and placed it as far from her as possible. Miroku gave her a pained look, before taking his seat a few feet away from his beloved.
“Welcome to the show Miroku. Is there anything you like to say before I read the test results?”
Miroku shook his head. “No I just want to clear my name so we can continue living our lives like we should.”
“Well the results are in.” As the cheers went off, Sesshomaru got up to retrieve the catalog envelope from an intern. He sat in his chair and crossed his legs. Once he placed his glasses on, he opened the envelope.
“Miroku, you were asked ‘the times you claimed were working late, were you accurately out with other girls’ you said ‘no’. The lie detector determined…you were telling the Truth.”
Both Sango and Miroku sighed in relief. She stood to hug him as the crowd cheered.
“During your 5 years of marriage, did you ever think about cheating on your wife, you said ‘no’. The lie detector determined….that was a lie.”
“YOU MOTHER [BEEP]!” She got up her chair and charged towards Miroku. Three security guards had to pull her back to her chair, where she sat. She crossed her arms over her chest and huffed.
Sesshomaru had to raise his voice over the sound of gasps and booing. “Not only were you thinking of cheating, but you confessed that there was a girl at your work you sometimes fantasied about.”
The security guards were back as Sango made a lunge at her soon to be ex-husband. The crowd was an a uproar, as Miroku tried to hide behind another security guard. As the guards were busy trying to control a pissed-off woman, Sesshomaru tried to calm the crowd down to finish off the results. Sango was once again seating in her chair, while she continued to curses at him. There were a lot of [beep]s inserted when she shouted.
Once both of his guests were stilled down, he turned to Sango, “Sango, how are you feeling?”
“I-I…there are no…ugh!....You mother[beep] !” She shouted and pointed to Miroku.
“Sango, we have one more question to get through. Will you be ok to hear it?”
At her nod, he continued. “Miroku, you were asked did you sleep with any one other then you wife. You said ‘no’. The lie determined….you were telling the truth.”
“Yeah!!!” the crowd cheered.
Sango and Miroku both got up and hugged. Both whispering their apologizes and promising to do better. Sesshomaru stood and walked to them. He informed them that they can go to the backstage were Dr. Kagome Higurashi could help them further.
[Do you believe your husband or boyfriend is having sex with one or more of your friends and him to take a lie detector test? Call The Sesshomaru Show at 1-Sesshomaru. That’s 1-737-746-6278*.]
“Welcome back. Now we have a new guest. Meet Kikyou.” The young woman next to him had tears in her brown eyes. Her long black hair laid flat against her back as she slouched in the chair.
“Kikyou has a son, Akago.” The TV screen showed an infant with black hair and dull gold eyes, looking excitedly at his surroundings. The audience ‘aaah’d at the photo. “What a beautiful son you have.”
“Thank you.” She sniffled.
“Now Kikyou, you are here to find out just who is this child’s father, right?”
“Yes.” She sniffled. “I was dating with Inuyasha for about 2 years and we had a huge argument. I ended up sleeping with my ex-boyfriend Naraku. But we got back together and then I found out I was pregnant.”
The crowd ooh’d at her statement. Kikyou couldn’t continue, and started to cry. She accepted a tissue from Sesshomaru, as he handed her a tissue box.
“After Kikyou informed Inuyasha of what happen, he refused to do anything with her. Not only that, but refused her son too.” Sesshomaru stood. “Let’s welcome Inuaysha.”
As a silver haired man started to descend the stairs, the crowed ‘boo’d him. Sesshomaru waited for Inuyasha to take his seat, but he was too busy cursing at the audience to notice. He called him multiple times before he got his attention. Both male soon took their seats.
“Inuyasha….do you truly believe that that baby boy is not-“
“THAT IS HIS KID! THAT IS HIS KID!” Kikyou interrupted and ran towards the TV screen behind Sesshomaru. A photo of her son showed right next to a photo of Inuyasha. As she pointed out the similarities, the crowd went wild.
“He has the same eyes, my hair but the same eyes as him. IT IS YOUR KID!”
Inuaysha had enough. “Stop lying your bitch. That brat ain’t mine. It’s that [BEEP]’s. And you know it you [BEEP] [BEEP]!”
Kikyou continued to scream and clapped her hands, as she neared her ex-boyfriend. Sesshomaru tried to once again take control of the situation. It worsen as Inuaysha started to insult Naraku.
“THAT PIECE OF [BEEP] DOESN’T EVEN KNOW WHERE HIS [BEEP] OR HIS [BEEP] IS! HOW WOULD WE [BEEP] KNOW IF YOU DIDN’T [BEEP] ANOTHER [BEEP] AND IT’S HIS [BEEP]-ING KID!”
As the ex-couple continued their little battle, the crowd went hysterical once they saw Naraku come running down the stairs. The long black haired male tackled Inuyasha the minute his feet touched the stage. The security guards arrived to keep the two male from killing one another.
“MOTHER[BEEP]!”
“PECIE OF [BEEP]!”
“[BEEP] YOU! [BEEP] YOU! [BEEP] YOU!”
Throughout the chaos, Sesshomaru asked for the paternity test results. Kikyou got back to her chair waiting for the inevitable. Inuyasha and Naraku were roughly shown to their chairs, still glaring at each other.
“The paternity test results are in!” Sesshomaru announced. He put his glasses back on to read the results.
“When it comes to Kikyo's love child, Akago, Inuyasha you are NOT the father.” The crowd ‘ooh’d and gasped, as Inuyasha quickly got to his feet, with a huge grin on his face.
“Hell, yeah! I told you he wasn't mine, you tramp!”
Kikyou cried into her hands, she could not believe this was happening. Sesshomaru looked at Naraku, “When it comes to Akago, Naraku, you ARE the father.”
Naraku stood, beyond pissed. “Damnit!”
Kikyo exited the stage to the right, running, screaming and crying. Kagome, the show’s counselor, was running right behind her.
Sesshomaru waited for the crowd once again calm themselves down. He asked Inuyasha to sit once again. The serious tone his half-brother used made an uneasy shiver go down his spine. He knew this was not going to end well.
“Inuyasha, I have something I've been meaning to tell you. I had a secret affair with your mother behind Father's back and it turns out that Father isn't really your father. I am.”
Inuyasha’s eyes widen, “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Sesshomaru’s audiences were speechless.
~~~
*Not a real number.
Challenge: "He said what?!" Challenge
The post I used was DemonQueen17 from the thread: Things Sesshomaru would never say.
This was her post:
Sesshomaru: When it comes to Kikyo's love child, Akago, Inuyasha you are NOT the father.
Inuyasha: Hell, yeah! I told you he wasn't mine, you tramp!
Sesshomaru: When it comes to Akago, Naraku, you ARE the father.
Naraku: Damnit!
(Exit Kikyo stage right, running, screaming and crying)
Sesshomaru: Inuyasha, I have something I've been meaning to tell you. I had a secret affair with your mother behind Father's back and it turns out that Father isn't really your father. I am.
Inuyasha: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!