Hello Everyone! And welcome to my very first fanfic (ahh I'm nervous, but I'm also very excited to get this going)! SessKag has been the only pairing for me ever since I first saw the anime when I was about 13-14). I really hope you all will enjoy my story, as well! Some characters will be deceased and some will be new, so please bear with me in this aspect! I am hoping that I can successfully write the fic that has been stuck in my head for ages now!
Side Note: I'm not sure how soon I will be updating as I do have a job/art that I work on/other misc life things, but if this fic works out and I get enough people liking it I will be more than encouraged to keep going! I have planned out atleast 5 chapters roughly so far, so I will be posting them as they come out!
Side Note #2: This Chapter will be a little dark. I know it's the first chapter, but I'd like to get it out of the way so I can develop my plot from here! I apologize in advance! ^^;
Enjoy!
--------------------------------
The flash of silver hair caught in streams of sunlight woke Kagome from her deep sleep. The room was dark, and shadows of girlish furnature could be barely made out in the late hours of the night. The thin blue curtains fluttered in the breeze from the window slightly opened just beside the bed. Dreary eyes glanced over at the small green alarm clock set on her nightstand. " 3:35...Great..." she mumbled, turning herself over to face the illuminated red numbers and scowl at them slowly. She shuffled her feet under the quilted covers before turning back over and laying completely on her back. She glanced up at the ceiling and sighed. Staring up as the faded white paint began to calm her down from the startled awakening she just had.
'Why does this keep happening? It's been three whole years already. You'd think I would have gotten over this by now. A normal person would get over this, right?' Her thoughts always ended up sour when she was left alone to think like this, which is why she never stayed alone in her apartment for too long. She had been waking up lately almost every night at this same time with those same dreams running through her head. Ayumi wouldn't be home tonight because she had a special meeting for work out of town. The fact that the apartment was empty wasn't helping Kagome's thoughts stay in check, either, and she hated it.
She slowly crept out of her bed and opened the door to her bedroom, glancing back at the clock. The illuminated numbers had changed to '3:40' now. She sighed once more in her head before turning to walk down the carpeted hallway to the bathroom. It was still dark and she didn't bother with turning the lights on as Ayumi kept a small night light plugged into the bathroom outlet for late-night bathroom trips such as this. Kagome turned the cold water on and let it run through her hands. The tempurature slowly became colder, and colder, and soon her hands felt numb, but she didn't remove them from their place in the sink. She stared up at her darkened reflection in the worn mirror infront of her. Her eyes were dull, and her hair was slightly crooked on the right side. She tried to flatten it out with her hands but failed and gave up almost immidiately.
'Is this really what my life is now? Day in and day out, I sit here like this, just a shell.' She thought bitterly as she slowly stared down into the sink at her increasingly numb hands. 'It should be better now, things should be better. But they aren't. They never were. I only put on a smile for Ayumi and Mom, and Sota, and Grandpa, because they knew I was hurting. They knew this wasn't easy, and them giving me pity wasn't going to change anything.' Her hands started to shake at where her mind was taking her, and she reached up, turned the faucet off, and wiped her hands into the soft towel hanging on the wooden hook to her left. Exiting the bathroom and heading back down the hall to her bed, she glanced at her bedroom door with languishing eyes. The door creaked open and Kagome gradually made her way to the window. The curtains waved with the night breeze, and Kagome took in a deep breath, remembering her past, and all that happened on that one day. The day everything was supposed to be okay.
(Flashback)
"Inuyasha, stop! You can't take it anymore, please, just back off for a bit, we can continue this when Miroku and Sango return! We can't do this alone, Inuyasha!", She screamed, her voice becoming hoarse in her urgency as she watched her lover dance back and forth in a deadly struggle to keep his sword in check. She could hear the manical laughter from Naraku ringing in her ears, and she wished she didn't feel so helpless right now.
"Keh! Shut up! You and I both know I could handle him by myself! Even if we have to wait I don't mind holding him off! Go get Miroku and Sango, then! I'll be fine here, you idiot!" He yelled across the worn and cracked field to her, waving his free hand dismissively.
"Me!? An idiot!? Inuyasha you're the idiot for suggesting something like that!" She wailed, waving her bow in the air. Her anger was cut short by the sound of a loud snap, and then everything infront of her was slowing down. The sight of Inuyasha's body slowly backing up and then crumpling into the ground. His final blow had beaten the devilish hanyou, but he had also recieved a wound that Kagome couldn't quite see from her position behind him, but she knew it was fatal the moment she laid her blue eyes on him. 'The blood, there's too much blood...' Her eyes slowly and mechanically moved down to the ever increasing pool below him. She didn't know she was at his side until she could hear his panting and feel the wetness from the gash completely down the front of his body soaking her clothes.
"No...", She breathed, her heart aching so much she felt like she had also been struck by Naraku. "No...Inu-", her voice cracked as he coughed up blood; the red substance spewing into the air above him and landing in droplets at his neck and on his chin.
"Kagome...Kagome are you hurt? Are-...are...you safe?", his voice was lower than a whisper and gargling from the blood filling his damaged lungs and chest cavity.
"NO! INUYASHA, STAY WITH ME, PLEASE!", she began to scream as loud as she could, pulling his head up to her shoulder and holding it tightly. The blood beginning to seep through her clothes and onto her skin, leaving a sickly slimy feeling all over her body. But she didn't care. She couldn't register what was going on. Her mind was telling her over and over 'This is just a dream, this is just a dream. It can't be real. None of this is real.' She wrenched at her clothing, trying to tear off a piece of it as her shaky voice could be heard from her own ears, choking out sobs as she tried to bandage the wound, but it was far too big. "PLEASE, SOMEONE!", she was bellowing out, her sobs appearent in her cracking voice. Miroku and Sango had gone off only for a few minutes to grab supplies. This wasn't supposed to be happening; none of this was supposed to be happening. Her sobs became heavier and harder to control as Inuyasha's body began to slowly lose its fight.
By the time Sango and Miroku had returned it was too late. He was gone. Naraku was gone.
But that didn't matter to Kagome. Naraku didn't matter anymore. No one mattered. No one but Inuyasha mattered. And she wished in that moment that she could bring him back. Bring him back and stop the ever-growing pain in her chest. The pain that split her in two, and then split her again in so many different ways. Her hands shook and she stared down at the lifeless body of her now deceased lover.
'This isn't happening. This can't happen.' Were the last thoughts she could muster before falling backwards into Miroku's arms unconcious.
(Flashback End)
Her eyes gazed down at her hands, and she remembered the feel of his hair and the way it stuck to her sweaty palms. She remembered the feel of his blood as it seeped through her clothing, and colored the barren ground below them a dark hue of maroon. She remembered his eyes as they lost their fire. She remembered the sound of his breath as it slowly dragged along his lips.
She remembered his smile.
A dull pain twinged within her chest. Somewhere deep down it still hurt. After all of these years, Kagome thought she had forgotten what that pain felt like. She learned to live with it as one does when something like that happens. Her hand slowly ghosted over her chest, and she pressed into it, feeling the gentle beat of her heart, and she hated herself for such a thing. She hated being alive, when he wasn't. The unfairness of the world couldn't be measured in her eyes. The unfairness of losing someone so close to your heart that you might as well have lost yourself, for living on another day without them would be unimaginable.
But she did it. And she kept doing it.
There wasn't any other way to live for awhile. She didn't speak much except when spoken to by her mother, or her younger brother. Her friends saw the pain in her eyes, and knew they couldn't understand such a thing, but they tried to cheer her up anyways. It had taken her almost a month to tell her mother what had happened to Inuyasha. She didn't have the courage to muster up the words before then, and when she did, she collapsed into her mothers arms, and sobbed. She sobbed like she did on the day he died, only worse. Because he wasn't there anymore. His soft face wasn't in her lap. His warm eyes weren't gazing up at hers, as they once did. Inuyasha was consumed by the soil, as all bodies eventually are. Once she gained enough composure to make such a thing as a funeral, her, Sango, Miroku, and Shippou had buried him underneath the Goshinboku. They hung his subjugation beads across the stone, and etched his name across the hard surface before saying a few prayers.
Kagome got halfway through Miroku's session of prayers before she broke into tears, and began to hear a keening, only to realize it was coming from herself, as she fell to her knees and rested her head on the stone. She let out most of her pain on that day, but not all of it. No, it wouldn't ever go away. At least not now.
She thought that over time, maybe, there would be some way to escape the pain, and the memories of him, even if it was for a little while. But there wasn't. There never was. It was just dull, and watered-down pain. Left over pain that she didn't want anymore. Left over heartache that she didn't need anymore. Left over love, that she couldn't give anymore.
Kagome languidly strode the few feet to her bed and slumped into the covers. She didn't bother with looking at the clock now, she just wanted to sleep. Her head buried in the covers, she willed herself back to sleep, and prayed that the dreams wouldn't come again. She prayed they'd let her be even if it was only for a little while. The distant sound of birds beginning to chirp and welcome the morning sun was stifled by the cool fabric of the pillow against her face, and the unshed tears behind her eyelids.
--------------------------------
I know you guys probably hate me for writing such a dark chapter, and it's only Kagome by herself, stewing in her sadness, but it will get better from here on! Or rather, it wont be quite this bad. I hope you will stick with this story and please leave reviews of this chapter if you want! I love critiques!
-V-Sama