Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha, cowboy bebop, dragon ball z or tetris which have brief mentions in the story. The underlying idea for this story was developed by Ske. Ske's Forever We Shall be was the inspiration. It differs greatly though and Ske has given me permission to do this work..
It has been 3 years since Kagome first started her adventures in the Feudal era and they have come to a close in a Pyrrhic victory that has left Kagome with a broken spirit. With only loose ends to tie up in the feudal era, she has decided to attend to those and then begin her college years.
In the end all we have is each other-unknown
His face was expressionless, his wide eyes vacant, no amount of cajoling or tearful pleading could raise any response from him besides an empty stare. He was in effect a puppet made out of flesh, totally devoid of any semblance of freewill. In another life his name had been Kohaku, an eleven year old boy just beginning to face the responsibilities of his clan. But the stars he was born under were cruel and his life had been cut short before he could even fully appreciate all he had. The only thing that connected him to the land of the living was the jewel shard planted in his back. The last remaining piece of the Shikon no Tama. The fabled jewel of four souls that had caused nothing but pain and misery to all those who held it.
The Demon Exterminator Sango stood before Kohaku, hoping fervently, praying desperately, that some light of recognition would shine in his eyes. That he would smile lovingly at her and embrace her warmly. That whatever spell controlling him would dissipate harmlessly and restore her brother to her. But Heaven was deaf to her pleas. It was perhaps the cruelest joke that fate had ever played, to grant the safe return of her brother, but only as an mindless husk. In between the borders of life and death hung her brother, the only living member of her family.
Brought back to life by the sadistic Naraku, he was used as both a servant and a torture device against Sango. Under Naraku's control he had turned on his family and butchered them without remorse, he had wiped out an entire village, he tried to kill her best friend Kagome and committed who knows how many other crimes. His sweet face and its almond colored eyes had looked on passively as his chain-blade tore through the innocent like a scythe through wheat. Despite his prowess with that weapon and a host of others, that was not why Naraku kept him alive. No, Kohaku's service to Naraku was meant to strike deeper than any wound to the flesh could. He was meant as a source of emotional torment to Inuyasha's group. Which of them would shoulder the guilt of killing Sango's brother? That prospect undermined their confidence, ate away at their resolve, and filled their hearts with confused anguish.
"I can do it for you if you...you know..." Kagome offered to Sango while motioning to Kohaku with the Tensaiga hoping to shore up her friend's confidence with a reminder of their plan. A plan whose prospects of success were not very reassuring.
Breathing deep, Sango answered as her eyes watered "No, he is my brother and my responsibility. I have to remove the shard from his back and end this parody of life. If we can't revive him using the Tensaiga then he can at least be at peace in whatever follows this life."
With that she stepped forward and with every step toward her brother unbidden memories swam to the surface of her mind. She could virtually hear his voice in her mind as he asked do you remember you used to hold me during thunderstorms promising to protect me? How we would sit in the candle lit darkness with me trembling in your arms? What about those times in the fields as we practiced? When you would tenderly and patiently coach me as I learned how to defend myself? Remember at your 16th birthday how I proudly demonstrated all I had learned from you? How you glowed as the village praised your hard work and success in training me? How brightly I smiled knowing my sister would always be there for me.
As each painfully detailed memory crested in her mind, she could feel her heart clench, begging her to stop. To not do this terrible deed. By the time Sango's fingers were poised above the jewel shard, tears rained freely from her face and soft sobs escaped her throat. She was about to end whatever life her brother still had and even though she knew it had to be done, she shook in her soul wrenching agony. Marshaling the last of her fleeting determination, she forced herself to pull the shard free. Her brother let out a sharp cry, like a wounded animal, and then dropped to the ground as the animating power of the jewel shard left his body. Seeing her friend trying to resist breaking down completely, Kagome ran over to her and simply held her as Sango's grief shook her.
When Sango at last gained a semblance of self control she pressed the jewel shard into Kagome's hand and whispered "I just want one thing to go right, we've lost so much already. Please Kohaku, please come back. Kohaku...I need you..."
As Sango stepped back, Kagome turned toward Kohaku and unsheathed the Tensaiga. Please God, please give us this one miracle. Standing over the dead boy, odd details began to pile up in her mind's eye. The cute, youthful freckles dotting his face. The raven hair that glistened in the sun's rays. The gentle mouth that seemed to project a friendly shyness. All of them promising a life that could have been filled with joyous laughter and endless love but for Naraku. The one who did nothing but sow sorrow wherever he went. The one whose legacy of torment still lashed at their already broken hearts. Even dead he refuses to stop spreading pain. For a moment Kagome was filled with fury at the thought that his machinations were somehow inescapable. She almost wished for him to be alive once more so she could see him die again. But she tamped that feeling down, and focused on the Tensaiga. What did Totosai say? Just like the Tessaiga the Tensaiga was meant to serve, to protect humans. But can a human use it?
Somewhere in the eternal night Kohaku heard a voice, one ever so soft with an echo of love. A familiar voice that filled him with longing. A voice that was filled with hope and sorrow and a desperate entreaty. Floating in the sea of emptiness, he felt a gentle tug when a white star flared into existence in front of him, puncturing the darkness surrounding him and offering an unknown promise. Finding himself accelerating toward it, he was suddenly gripped in an inexplicable fear and tried to resist the pull of the brilliant white light. The intense light itself wasn't what filled him with fear, it was oddly comforting and he somehow knew that whatever ever lay beyond it was not going to hurt him. But some part of him insisted that he deserved to drift alone forever in eternal darkness; that he had committed unspeakable sins and he had to be punished for them. That for one such as him forgiveness or redemption was unthinkable. As he drew closer to that brilliant light, almost frightening in its intensity, his resistance grew until he felt himself wracked with pain in a merciless caress. Despite his frantic efforts, Kohaku was powerless to stop himself from hurtling out of the infinite darkness and into the blazing starlight filling his vision.
For a moment after Kagome had swung the Tensaiga, nothing happened and she was overcome with dread. She had failed Sango, and her little brother was lost forever. If the Tensaiga couldn't revive him then what could? But even as the wave of black despondency overtook Kagome's mind, it clashed with a single ray of hope as a hitched breath escaped kohaku's lips.
I can't go back, I don't want to remember what I've done. Oh Gods please don't make me live again. Not when that nightmare was finally over. As Kohaku's guilt ridden spirit was dragged kicking and screaming into his body once more, his body tensed and he screamed. It was a scream that held within it all the feelings of guilt and shame that burdened him. A scream that pierced both the air and the heart and filled anyone hearing it with pity and despair. A scream of such twisted agony, even nature lay silent for a moment in mourning. As Kohaku got to his hands and knees, he vomited, as though he was attempting to purge himself of his dark past and all the transgressions committed in it. But the past was inescapable, and it continued to crush him under its weight, squeezing tears from his mahogany eyes.
Sango, who had been frozen by her brothers scream or perhaps by disbelief that one so young could feel such sorrow, rushed over to him as soon as he started to cry. As she cradled his head in her arms he whimpered, "Why did you bring me back? I deserved death. I killed...I killed them all. And the village...I deserved that hideous abyss." Sango just held him to her as he wept; each tear shed weighed on her shoulder like crystallized guilt.
Kagome, unsure of what to do but not wanting to disturb such a tender moment, walked quietly back to Kaada's hut. Thinking over everything she'd done in the feudal era, with Kohaku's resurrection in particular occupying her, an unwanted question formed in Kagome's mind. Am I somehow destined to bring suffering to others? The Shikon no Tama was born from me and all it has done is caused tragedy after tragedy. What if I'm just like it. No matter what I do people getting hurt is the end result. Everyone I try to help just seems to sink further into their problems. Is that why Inuyasha-
Not even realizing just how far she walked or where she was, she suddenly felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up into Miroku's concerned eyes.
"Kagome, your loving face...its as filled with anguish as any I have ever seen. Is there something I can do?"
For a moment Kagome felt that she had been caught in a moment of unreality. The perverted monk Miroku wanted to give her the comfort that by all rights Inuyasha was supposed to be giving her. A lecherous monk was attempting to fill the void that her first love should have been. Kagome was torn between wanting to laugh hysterically at the womanizing monk or letting out all of her feelings in a torrent of tears. His softly spoken words were right and Kagome couldn't deny it try as she might. She was hurting like crazy on the inside and she could virtually hear the thousand shards of her shattered heart skating across the ice cold bleakness consuming her soul. The most precious thing in her life, her innocence, something she didn't even know she possessed, something she didn't believe she had because of all she had seen, was dead. As dead as Inuyasha. Traveling with him she somehow had fallen under the impression that with him everything would turn out for the best, just like in the movies. As though some invincible shield surrounded her, protecting her from the jagged blades of fate that were constantly swinging at her. But she had been proven wrong in the harshest way possible. Inuyasha was gone forever and someone, probably Kikyou, had taken his body, refusing to allow her to even bury him properly. And as for Sesshoumaru...
"Your right Miroku, that's why I'm leaving. Today. With Kohaku's shard the jewel has been complete and I'm returning with it to my own time. This time just has too many painful memories and I can't deal with them. I have to go before I drown in them."
Turning around trying to hide her welling tears from Miroku, but knowing it was useless, she staggered back to the hut and without saying anything more started packing. As Kaeda watched the reincarnation of her sister, a solemn frown etched itself onto the old miko's face. "Kagome, I know ye be in pain, but listen to this old woman for just a moment. I remember when you had first fallen through the well and appeared in our village. Thy strange, indecent garb, and ill tempered responses baffled us all, and the village thought ye might be some kind of apparition making mischief. It seems foolish, laughable in fact that I had been throwing salt and chanting at ye in an effort to dispel thy person. But when I finally looked into thine face, so much like my long lost sister's, I feared that the tides of time had started their endless cycle again and I would be forced to witness once more the death of my sister. Even if it was her reincarnation whom I would be forced to see washed away by the ebbing waves of destiny, I still did not want to see you depart. I know it sounds selfish, but I never wanted your adventures to end. Because with that end I felt that I would lose my sister once again. However, in time, I realized I was wrong, that the dreams harbored in thine eyes were unique. That ye were a wholly separate person from my sister, and certainly not a replacement for her. I am sorry for having seen you that insulting way and I beg forgiveness for ever having thought so, but please do not turn your back on us. We have all lost so much already, if we were to lose Shippou's mother, Sango's best friend, and Miroku's...well who knows...but your very special to all of us. More so than words can say. We have all been through so much together. Too much to simply forget and abandon."
Kagome stared into the yellow fibers of her backpack for a long while. A torrent of jumbled emotions and half formed thoughts swept over her mind as Kaede's words weighed in her mind. She couldn't abandon her friends, not her family, as she had been planning. But this place, this time, the memories that would never die... She owed them more than that. Even Miroku whose constant groping was still an ever present and irritating threat. But I need to get away, I need to rest, I need to heal.
The tears she had been holding back had at last broken through as she suddenly found her arms around Kaede's neck. "Kaede, I'm sorry but I need some time away. To calm my mind and live a normal life without constant haunting reminders of demons and a forsaken love. But I promise, someday, I will return."
Kaede more aware of her years than ever, wrapped her arms around Kagome's slender softly sobbing form. "I understand child, I wish it were not so, but I understand. Please do not leave us for long, our time on this world is all too short as it is."
Separating from Kaede, Kagome grabbed her belongings and head toward what passed as a door. Upon reaching the threshold, something Kaede said finally penetrated to her mind.
"Kaede, you said you had stopped seeing me as your sister. What am I to you?"
"A daughter."
For a moment Kagome didn't react, as a warm glow began to fill her. "Thank you, Kaede."
And with those simple words she departed for the well, heading toward an uncertain future and away from a agonizing past.
Reaching the clearing within the forest that the well rested in, Kagome was not surprised to find Sango and Miroku waiting for her like in an ambush. The expressions on their faces were caught somewhere between anger, disappointment, and desperation. It was their final stand to try to persuade Kagome that she didn't need to retreat from this time and them in an attempt to deal with her inner turmoil. Kagome paused for a moment trying to summon righteous anger at those blocking her path but found that she just couldn't. The emotional blaze that had burned inside of her was finally beginning to exhaust itself, at least temporarily. The only thing she could feel right then was an overwhelming sense of fatigue and the need to curl up somewhere to let her wounded heart mend.
"I've already made up my mind guys. I need this. I need a normal life. After everything I've been through and everything I've given up, don't I deserve some measure of peace?"
"You think we don't know your pain?" Sango asked in a voice trembling with accusation. "You think we don't know what its like to have your life brought down in shambles around you. When I saw my family cut down, I thought that every reason for living was gone along with them."
"I seem to recall you living long enough to come after Inuyasha."
"That was different, Kagome. After I was done with him I fully intended to commit suicide to free myself from this life and join my family in the next. But I didn't. Even with Naraku gone and justice served I'm not going to flee this world. I found a reason to stay-" lacing her fingers with Miroku's, Sango continued "-and I know there will be more than just one."
Kagome stood still for a moment staring at the two, processing news that should have filled her with elation. Sango and Miroku had obviously decided to marry to one another. The way Inuyasha should have committed to her if not for Kikyou and his oath to the dead. Jealously at their new found happiness flared in her and renewed anger lit her eyes.
Tears of confused rage poured down from her eyes as Kagome lost control of herself. "Do you seriously think that knowing you have each found someone who loves you and will actually LIVE for you brightens my day. WHY CAN'T ANYONE LIVE FOR ME? IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME THAT DRIVES OTHERS TO SEEK DEATH RATHER THAN BE WITH ME? IS HELL SO MUCH BETTER THAN MY LOVE?"
Not quite sure how she how it had happened, Kagome suddenly found herself sitting by the well with Sango and Miroku on either side of her, while she stared at the ground as tears glittered on her skin.
"I'm sorry." was all she could say thinking of her selfishness outburst. She should have been happy that they had found love in this broken world.
"Well these were probably not the best of circumstances to make clear our intentions." Miroku responded in his charming voice already soothing her raw nerves. "But with you apparently leaving we just had to tell you. And speaking of leaving, please don't. Not just because Inuyasha chose the wrong girl. You still have us. And where would we be without you?"
Kagome pulled her knees up to her chest and resisted the tears that once again threatened to cascade down her cheeks like liquid sorrow. Miroku had unknowingly launched to the forefront of her mind what she had been trying to escape. Those memories imprinted forever within her by the searing brush stroke of unforgettable agony. Inuyasha...Had she been dreaming all along? Had she been giving away her feelings for free? Sesshoumaru...And what about him? The one she had been so intimately connected with at the end. The one who, unlike Inuyasha, bonded with her so deeply he had been a part of her. The one that she had a complete understanding of for a short while but was left wanting more from him even now.
It confused and scared Kagome to realize that she wanted to have that link with Sesshoumaru, who had tried to kill her numerous times, once more. What's happening to me? To want a merciless youkai once more...
Sango had been waiting for a response from Kagome for what seemed like an eternity and gently squeezed her hand interrupting her chaotic musings.
"Look I'm happy that you two have finally decided how much you meant to each other but I'm still leaving. Miroku I know as a monk you had times where you went off to meditate privately to put your mind at ease. Sango I can't imagine you killing monsters all the time and not needing a break. Well I'm not even from this time and don't have your training or experience with all this. I just helped rid the world of Naraku and who knows what else and I could use a vacation. Thank you for everything and I wish you all the best."
Standing up, before either of her friends could react and try to hold her back any longer, Kagome fell backwards into the well and out of their world. When Kagome emerged in her own era, she took out the last shard from Kohaku's back as well as the nearly completed. One last thing to do I guess. Cupping them both together in her hands, she concentrated until she felt a wholeness in her hands. Then something unexpected happened, she felt it sink into her flesh. When she opened her hands, they were empty. Looks like it was absorbed into me. Maybe it wanted to come home just like I did.
Looking into the gaping maw of the well Miroku managed to express precisely both his and Sango's feelings for the moment. "I never knew how perfectly happy we were until I learned that we could not stay together."