i really liked this and would love for you to continue it, there were a few places that had me a little bit confused because of the sudden change in time, and a couple of minor spelling errors but nothing a little editing wont fix, ill be faving this in the hopes that you will continue:D
I think this is an interesting story – a really gripping opening chapter. That being said, there were scattered spelling and grammar mistakes. I think you should invest in a beta because this story has the potential to be great. I would like to know how Sesshoumaru and Kagome became that close in the beginning of the fic.
Don’t take this the wrong way, but I felt everyone’s characterization was wrong except for shippo, sango, rin, kouga, and the monk.
Kagome: she walks up to the group with Sesshoumaru in tow and simply says, “What’s up guys?” Unless you can clearly establish when the fic is taking place in terms of the chronology associated with the manga, Kagome and Sesshoumaru should be (if this is canon) mortal enemies (more or less).
Sesshoumaru: he cares too much about Kagome (not when she’s near death but when he sees her bathing). There is initial warmth for her that is unjustified by what he thinks of her at first: a tool for vanquishing Naraku. When she calls him Aniki for the first time, he suddenly joins her group. Sesshoumaru is simply too open in this fic. Likewise, Inuyasha is also too open. He barely puts up a fight when Sesshoumaru joins. This leaves me feeling confused and unsure about the direction of this fic in terms of character development. If this fic is supposed to be canon, Sesshoumaru shouldn’t be this open. Even at the end of the manga, he glares at Kagome for calling him oniichan.
However, Kouga is portrayed excellently in this chapter. He’s not the ass that many fics make him out to be. He’s what many would call the “reformed man.” Kouga can be solemn/serious and caring. You captured his characteristics perfectly. For all his rashness and imperfections, Kouga is, at the very least, earnest. Wonderful portrayal.
I liked your add in of the racist monk not performing funeral rites for Inuyasha. It makes me wonder whether or not the subject of race will play a role in the fic’s development. But I tend to read into things a bit too much. Overall, the fic was interesting, though I recommend a beta and some more explanations as to the nature of the relationship between Kagome, Sesshoumaru, and Inuyasha.
ducky out!
I liked this story. While I think I'll always prefer romances between Sess/Kag, instead of just friendships, it is nice to read a freindship fic once in a while. Sesshoumaru seemed a little out of character to me at times, especially during that one scene where Kagome hugged him, but aside from that, it was a good story.
I decided to see if i could find out what aniki means after reading some of the other reviews and found that it is a term for an older brother clears up some of my questions and confusion. I'd never seen that term before. If you could insert the meaning of the word into the story it would help those like me, who were confused by it being in the story. It's an original story line worth continuing.
You have the beginnings of a viable story it just needs more development. Sesshoumaru seemed quite ooc partially because there wasn't enough background on why he would join his brothers group and his relationship with Kagome. You gave the reader some information regarding it but not enough. Also it was confusing, how in the beginning Sesshoumaru is acting like a very concerned lover with Kagome but later in the story you say that Inuyasha was the love of Kagome's life and you indicated she still wasn't over it. Which is it? How did Kagome choose Aniki as Sesshoumaru's nickname and why does he tolerate it? With more elaboration this could be a really good story definitely worth continuing.
It was quite a switch from the classic romance between Sess & Kags. There are only a few booboo's here and there but the loss of Inuyasha & Miroku and the impact of their deaths on the ones that loved them most is painful and heartbreaking. It, however should not be rushed and time-leaped as you did. There was quite a lot more story hidden in between those tearful paragraphs and I would really love to see it completely explored. It is definitely a tale worth telling.
I really liked this one. It was so sad, Inuyasha and Miroku! I loved that Sesshoumaru let Kags and Sango stay with him, and that he threatened the monk so that his brother would have an honorable service. Kouga was good in this one too. It is short but very poignant. I look forward to reading more from you!
Hairann (Chapter 1) - Fri 19 Feb 2010
There are a few issues to work on, some of the scenes would perhaps work better if they were rearranged and you don't really have any indications of scene changes, which would make things easier on the reader. A bit rushed at time as well, but over all, I enjoyed this story. It is very rare, in fact I can't remember reading a single story that did it, to have Sesshoumaru have a brother like relationship with Kagome. Most people just focus on romance and forget their are many forms of a pairing. It was a real treat to find something as different as this. Keep up the amazing work.
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