I actually really enjoyed this. Somehow the whole story flowed, and the addition of the song/poems enhanced rather than detracting from the storyline. I would actually like to see more of this, if you ever decide to make a sequel. Keep up the good work!

It is quite a dramatic piece and covers an extremely touchy subject. One that might be oddly construed as somewhat trivial in the way that it was written. The center alignment and the song lyrics made it very difficult to read and in the end, I had to just shut out those lines to get to the underlying story. The story itself needs some substance and foundation, it seems to be missing the crux of the whys and hows. A little outlining of what is truly important before writing would flush out this piece and make it even more dramatic.

I tought this was an interesting tale. Your poetry skills are exceptional in the second and third chapters.  The first chapter, however, seemed to be bogged down just a little by the song lyrics, but it wasn't so much so that it was distracting from your story. You conveyed all of the emotions very well, I felt so sorry for her, and I was exstatic when Sesshoumaru showed up to save her. There were a few spelling and gramar issues, but that is nothing a quick editing session won't be able to fix. Over all very well done!

There is obviously some very deep emotions swirling around in this tale.  You did a good job of expressing her pain and desperation.  I felt, however, that the story needs more background.  The first chapter seems like a prologue and the last an epilogue. But the middle seemed to be missing to me.  Go back and flesh out your characters and develop your plot more.  There is good bones in which to build a great story on.  One way you could do that is to use the first and as chapters as a poetic prologue and epilogue respectively.  Then build the middle of your story.  To me the lyrics at times overwelmed your own words.  Perhaps cutting out some of them and or possibly putting them at the beginning or end of the chapters would alow your words to shine more.  A fantastic idea I hope you develop it more, I'd like to see where you can take this.

This is a very interesting little story. First off, there are some spelling and grammatical errors, which I would suggest using spell check and a beta for. That should clear up those kinds of things. An example would be 'scares' instead of 'scars'. I usually tell people using songs in fics to put them in the end or take them out altogether, but yours seemed to work, as the actual storytelling was in little snippets, which was great. The poem in chapter two was wonderful. I have to wonder why Inuyasha or Shippou never smelled the blood when she had an episode of cutting. I think that it is a very serious topic. When I was a freshmen in high school, I went to an all girls school that had uniforms, and one of the things we could wear was tights, and there was one girl who always wore them and the sweaters, no matter how hot it was. She was a loner and never talked to anyone. One day she passed out in front of the office. Her sleeve was pushed up in the fall and there was a whole bunch of cuts, in varous stages of healing. It turns out she had them all over her arms and legs, and some were very deep, and some were infected, which caused her to pass out. She was in the hospital for weeks. She had been doing it for years, and her parents never noticed, no one did. Reading this just kinda brought that terrible episode up because she was in a lot of my classes and I really tried to make friends with her and felt sorry for her. She ended up being home schooled which I felt was a bad move.

Anyways, sorry for the rant. Mental problems, like cutting, should never be approached casually, and I am glad you had someone in your story getting seeing this as a problem and getting her to stop. I liked this a lot, and think you have some great talent manipulating words to convey great emotion. Your second chapter especially is wonderful. Kudos!

Interesting story, but I think it would work much better without the lyrics or the poem.  If you just go with the story you have, you could just use it as a couple of drabbles and I think it would flow better.  Would have liked there to have been more, about how Kagome got to that point, why the others didn't seem to notice there was something wrong with her, why Sesshoumaru was there and what happens afterward.