This is a wonderful series. You paint your scenes as beautifully with words as you do with pens and pencils. Lovely descriptions, very poetic and ever so romantic. You are also doing a good job of developing their characters. Excellent storytelling skills too. I look forward to more chapters.
I did find a few things I wanted to bring to your attention.
Chapter 1
he struck out at her with his claws
Chapter 2
Her hand fingered the silkiness of the red cloth that hung around her neck
It had been about three weeks since that night Kagome had stumbled
things had returned to the way they were
relishing [in] the complete feel of [in is unnecessary with relishing. You could change relishing to revelling and then in would be needed.]
untouchable by anyone, [I would change to to by, it sounds better.]
everything became silent and the wind ceased [As you have it, it's a change of verb tense, the tense of all the verbs should remain the same.]
and the miko looked up at the bright moon that looked up in the sky. [Perhaps: that hung high in the sky?]
With one last glance at the spot where the demon lord had stood, Kagome turned and walked back into the forest, heading in the direction [back to] of her friends. [May I suggest of instead of back to, "heading in the direction of her friends." Or, "heading back to her friends."]
Chapter 3
The rain poured relentlessly outside the cave.
took out a small sachet of instant soup before heading [I think the word you want here is either sack or packet.]
As she mixed the contents of the sachet with water, [The same words would be more appropriate here.]
The beads of sweat made Rin's skin glisten
professing his detestation of humans from the first moment they met,
she wished she had a nice modern bed
she should be used to sleeping
that instead of the thin blanket she'd donned the night before,
Instead, her fingers ran against the silkiness of the kimono and she knelt in front of her backpack.
Chapter 4
Small scratches covered her legs and most of her body was smudged with dirt and blood.
Immediately, Kagome's fingers tightened around the wood of her bow as she pulled back the string, an arrow notched in place.
The air crackled with energy as her blue eyes flashed determinedly,
Kagome turned as she heard the sighs of relief from her companions,
She took a step forward to run towards the group behind her, but as she dropped her bow to the ground, her friends' expressions faltered as they reached forward helplessly towards her. [May I suggest: She turned and took a step towards the group behind her, but, as she dropped her bow to the ground, her friends' expressions falters as they reached helplessly towards her.]
Chapter 5
his eyes focused on her hands as they loosened their hold on the kimono
I really like the story so far. good job and i hope you win the contest.
autumngold (Chapter 5) - Mon 28 Dec 2009
What incredible looks at Kagome and Sesshoumaru's relationship. I certainly hope that Sesshoumaru stops fighting his interest in Kagome. With all tha they have been through together, I hope he starts seeing her as a person of worth. Hope you write again soon!
Ooooooooooooooh. I'm loving this series, and it's not just cause you're writing it for my challenges lol. I was holding my breath through this one too. Your token has been delivered!
| I liked how you described her coming back.
awww, he cares adn thanks her for services rendered. lol that sounds so clinical or so sluttish, whichever you choose. anyway, well done. I've always wondered how Sesshoumaru would react to an ailing Rin. He doesn't show it but he cares.
The imagery in this is fantastic. It's like I was watching it as I was reading it. Wow. your token has been delivered too! Fantastic job
I really liked this. I could see Sesshoumaru lashing out at people when he's hurt. It must be a pride thing. Awesome job! Your token has been delivered to your profile
| | | | | | | | 