Steamy but also very loving. The only piece of advice I can really think to offer (as I'm not great with poem structure) is that it is sometimes confusing when you jump between Kagome's prespective and Sesshomaru's. Otherwise, I couldn't find anything to "help" you on. Wonderful!
Amy (Chapter 1) - Fri 02 Jul 2010
THIS REMINDS ME OF HIAWATHA , IN STYLE AND WORDS. AN INDIAN POEM TO BE READ OVER AND OVER AGAIN!THANK YOU!
Ikaru (Chapter 1) - Fri 07 May 2010
I liked the way you separated the two different POV's...it made it easy to follow who was saying what, Your writing was also very well done, I couldn't find and spelling or grammar mistakes. Over all this was a very lovely piece to read, well done and keep up the good work!!
Ink (Chapter 1) - Thu 06 May 2010
| I actually really like how you change POV. This is the first time that I've seen it work so well! Usually back and forth gets pretty confusing. The last line seems out of place. I like it though because it makes them one instead of separate in the end. So what I'm trying to says is that I really it!
Hairann (Chapter 1) - Fri 30 Apr 2010
Very interesting and while usually it doesn't work well, I like how you went back and forth between the two of them. The way you have the layout, it was easy to spot the change in POV. I think it would have flowed a little better if they had equal sized stanzas, but it was good none the less. Though I do feel that last sentence is out of place, perhaps if you had half of it from one POV and the other half from the other, rather than it being 'we', I think it would have worked out a bit better. Really enjoyed this piece :).
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