Interesting start... love the mother/son relationship between Kagome and Shippo. Great work on how you wrote the kit taking care of his mother and also good work with the Rin and Jaken scene.
Hi,
I'd just like to help you out with a quick correction for some of your internet-found Japanese I read in one of your stories. I'll admit I'm not a native Japanese speaker, but I did live in Japan for several years and to my knowledge was considered quite fluent in the spoken language.
For future information:
Omaesan = misuse of a combination of "omae" (you) and "san" (similar to the english use of mr, ms, miss, mrs, etc.) To elaborate, "Omae" is *usually* said in a gruff manner and is generally considered a word used by males and is *generally* also considered to be rude. The use of "san", on the other hand, is a polite way of addressing a person. I have never in my life heard the two used in conjunction, it'd be like saying "Mr. You!" in English.
Minikui is not incorrect in the literal translation, but honestly it's just not a word I've ever heard spoken or actually used for any reason. My guess is that it's either outdated or that it perhaps doesn't hold the same context as it's literal translation. In either case, I'd advise using a different source to look up adjectives in the future.
Several other Japanese words you've inserted into your work are similar in that literally, they aren't entirely wrong - though they are gramatticaly correct or just completely inaccurate if you actually understand the language - but the dictionary translation isn't "wrong". I'd be happy to help you out in the future with different translations, but as a courtesy to people who don't speak a lick of Japanese and are likely to copy and reuse words from you in the future, I'd just appreciate it if you'd do a little further research before inserting a language which you are obviously unfamiliar with into your stories.
Thanks, and keep up the otherwise good work.
I really like how quickly this story went. Sometimes, you don't want a one-shot and don't want an epic tale. You need something like this to fill a few evening with some good reading entertainment.
For your next story, some separators between changes of scenary will help cut down on confusion.
I really like how Sessy and Kags to stay in character. You did a good job of maintaining that even when they were acting out of character. Did that make sense? LOL Anyway, I really enjoyed this.
Anamika (Chapter 11) - Wed 26 Nov 2008
I liked the idea. It was good. It has a subtleness to it. Not too much of Kag- Sess mushy time but still the same. The fic's also nicely written and the storyline well depicted.
Diane (Chapter 5) - Sun 11 May 2008
I'm reading this for the 2nd time since I just discovered it on this site. Just a bit of trivia, in the original French version of Cinderella the slippers were squirrel fur, someone mucked up the translation & it turned out as glass. OH in chapter 2 Puma wouldn't work since they're a US continent only wildcat not a Japanese one, you could possibly change it to panther though since I think they have them in Japan. Hope these help.
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