I appologize, but this story was just too hard to read. The paragraphs were cluttered with too many people talking, as a rule of thumb it is wise to never have more than one person talking in any paragraph. There are also hardly any details. Details are something that can make or break a story, and in this case they is sorely lacking. I would recomend writing out a detailed outline and then try rewriting this.

This fic came out a bit cluttered, I think, and sort of hard to read, because so many people talk in each paragraph. Spacing the fic out will make it much easier to read. There were some grammatical errors as well, and fixing those will make it much more enjoyable for readers. Loved seeing Kagome as a vampire, usually it's the other way around! And slave!Inuyasha was funny. Seven the nerd and Wisdom Ressurection the MMORPG were both Loveless references, right? Awesome!

Sorry but this story is just too hard to read, you have far too many people talking in a single paragraph, you should never have more than one, and there is almost no details.  I would really recommed writing out a detailed outline of what you what to happen in this story and try rewriting it from there. 

I like this very much.  The only thing I would suggest is that you watch your grammar and when you put in something like MMORPG you put in a little note either in the beginning or at the end of the story so everyone knows what you are talking about.  The story was very good and I look forward to your next chapter but I would like to see it flow more it was a little choppy to me.  Again though, it was very nice overall.

I thought that sesshomaru was leading a front against kagome and that was why inuyashsa was called to fight against his brother? Also come word and tense problems to reivew through. Enjoy the twist that KAGS is the vampire for a change.