Keep posting!

Okies a few suggestions to help make this story a bit more readable.  First you really need to slow down.  Take the time to add in details and let the story flow by itself instead of rushing to get to each scene.  Watch your sentence structure, some of them seemed jumbled.  Try not to have so many one line paragraphs, especially in a row, they tend to cause a story to be choppy and can distract your readers.  And I would recommend looking into the help of a beta, who can catch at lot of the little mistakes that all of us make and will let you conscentrate on the story itself. 

Wow, what a great story so far.  It's new, fresh, and wonderfully written.  There are some small gramatical errors but nothing big.  I loved the comment about Sesshoaru's body heat.  He does not look like he would be warm.  "His warm skin startled her, it was white as snow but as warm as a summer’s day." I loved the way the story flowed and cannot wait to read the next chapter.  This story grabbed me from the beginning which few actually do.  I also like how you have portrayed Kagome.  I love that she puts her child first and only looks for what's best for her. That is how it should be but unfortunately that is not always the case.  So far the story has been wonderful all I can say is keep up the good work and update soon please. ^_^

This is an excellent start to your story, and the last chapter does leave you wanting to know what happens next, which is always a good thing. However I noticed that the flow of your story is a little bumpy, and it feels a bit rushed in places. A beta could help you to straighten things out, if you are having trouble finding one I believe there is a thread in the forum where you can request help or find people who are willing to beta. Other than that I believe you have the beginnings of a good story here and with a little work it will shine for all it's worth. Keep up the good work!

very angsty, which I always enjoy in a story. I would caution to consider the maturity of your content. Sometimes the way things are worded or explained doesn't have a cohesive flow, and it makes it difficult to follow. Good luck and keep up the work. You have an interesting plot going here.

I like it.
However there are a few grammatical errors and I really do mean just a few...
'Every face for tables turned to look at her' It could be cleared up to say 'Everyone turned to face her'  or something, just a suggestion nothing more. Other then that it's a good story line so far I do hope to see more for this ^-^.