KaminokoDaughters (Chapter 1) - Sat 10 Dec 2011

It was an interesting first chapter. The cutting thing caught me of guard for sure. 

It got a bit confusing for a second, because you were missing puncuation like quotation marks to denote when someone is speaking, commas for pauses and sentence joining, and a handful of spelling errors that I was not completely sure what you meant to write.  There were moments when letters and spaces between words and puncutation were absent, but it seems to me that you are a fast typer and simply missed the errors while your fingers sped across the keys.  It might help to slow down when you type or type in Word so it will correct you or show you your errors as you go. It even helps to carefully read over what you wrote after a paragraph or a few sentences if you don't particularly feel like Word. All these errors are minor and easily overlooked, but it would help your readers to better understand what you would like to say.  However, you are writing for yourself, so you are entitled to write how you wish and therefore you do not have to listen to any of this if you do not wish to. I will be on the look out for the next portion. 

--Kaminoko


lara (Chapter 1) - Fri 22 Apr 2011

I really ,really hope there is more to this story.I'm also confused as to why Kagome is not trying to hide her nudity from him?


Ashley Brown (Chapter 1) - Fri 22 Apr 2011

Okay, do you have a beta to read over this for you? I have read through it and you have dozens of punctuation errors, misspellings, and improper word usage. Now I understand that there is a vast diveristy of roles that writers like to put the cast of InuYasha in, but whatever story-line you are trying to wax here isn't holding up to serious criticism. Please get your beta to read over this, correct the grammar errors and repost it. I'm positive that those changes will make it better or at least give it a better grounding.


Ashley Brown (Chapter 1) - Fri 22 Apr 2011

I haven't even read it, but I will tell you know; Paragraphs!! You have a giant wall-of-text that no one likes to read. Please go back and put some breaks in it. Please. I'm still going to read it, but the wall-of-text is going to make it less enjoyable. Please for everyone's sake, break it down into paragraphs.

 

I hope it's good.


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