I was wondering how old Sesshoumaru and Kagome are in this story? And normally with most collages you would stay in a dorm, at home, or a place nearbye. Working like crazy just to pay for your classes and a roof over your head. Though if you were had enough money you wouldn't have to worry much or work. Collage isn't like a regualar high school except for minor drama. Anyway, does she work? Or him for that matter?
I normally don't read school type stories, because they are so childish. Hey, I got curious on this one. Funny rivalry by the way. Your grammar is a little rough, but that’s normal. Here is two spots I noticed in chapter two.
(Kagome blushed and stood, shook her head and said, "No, Sensei I was thinking of some thinking is all, I'm sorry it won't happen again.")
Would you rather type it like this?
(Blushing, Kagome stood. Shaking her head once before speaking. "No, Sensei. I was thinking about something is all. I'm sorry about interrupting your lesson. It won't happen again.")
That part kept bugging me. Instead of, "I was thinking of some thinking is all" from a high grading student. Technically that is considered slanging or slurring your sentences. When normally speaking in such an environment it is a bit more formal than usual. Though, that way of speaking is also considered a southern accent type. -shrugs- Who knows? Maybe I pay such attention to it, because I've grown up with formal, and gentlemen based mannerisms. Pardon if my notion upset you. There was also one last error at the bottom.
(She felt his insisted staring until class was over and she quickly left the room. She didnt know what to say so feeling uncomfortable, she decided to go to the library to study.)
You forgot an apostrophe for “didn’t” and insisted means to state or demand something firmly in spite of a disagreement. I think you were meaning to write insistent. Which is like some one persistently staring at your back.
(Feeling his continued staring till class was over, Kagome quickly left the room. Not sure what to do with the uncomfortable feelings he invoked. She began to wonder towards the library to study.)
Or…
(She felt his insistent staring until class was over. Quickly leaving the room since she didn’t know what to say to him. Feeling so uncomfortable about speaking. She decided to go to the library to study instead.)
Well there are a few other ways of writing it. It’s just how you had written that one paragraph. There was at least three different things you could have meant and it had insinuated. Anyway, I can’t really help much with beta work. -smiles- Have to many stories of my own. I wish you luck and thank you for writing.
awesomeness!!! I didnt exspect it to go up that fast! haha keep up the good work!
