Finding True Life, Love, and Happiness by Priestess Ashley

Prologue: Kagome

Prologue: Kagome

All I ever wanted to do was leave. Though I could walk away, I never am going to. I'm scared, but what if one day, I'm taken away from everyone, by a masked man who claims to love me. Who would miss me? Who would I miss?

            I have no parents. They died after a year I was born, but no one knows how. It was as if they got up and killed themselves. Not knowing anything, I was a little girl walking around my home town of Kyoto, Japan without anyone to help me. I felt like when I woke up from my fantasy life, no one was there to greet me. But what no one knows is that he was there for me, and I never saw him. He was the ghost of my dreams and the fear of my nightmares.

            I dreamt of him once, and I still remember the name I called him, even though he never said a word, I knew he was real. The name that was given to him was Sesshomaru. It is eyes that gave me the name. They were so golden, that they always reminded me of the sun. And that day that he was named, he spoke his first words. They are fuzzy to my mind, but I still remember when his soft voice whispered my name, like if it was his private secret. And I enjoyed when he whispered the secret of my name. It made me feel that, even though I was alone, and now live in an apartment with a woman who found me, someone loved me, and I knew that he wouldn't leave me. I don't know him, but one day I will find him.

            I live in an old apartment just off of the entrance to Kyoto, with a young woman who looks like she could be my sister. Living here now, I never felt the love I wish I had. She was silent when I achieved a goal, and never hugged me when I cried. My mother never hugged me either, nor my dad or even my young sister. I had a sister when I was sent to the orphanage, but she died. When I turned 15, she was sent to the hospital with cancer. I never saw her after that, and now I never will.

            I was a cruel girl, mad at the world because mine came crashing down. And I blamed my sister for my parent's disappearance. Always yelling at her and now I feel guilty that, for once when someone tried to hug me, I rejected them. I yelled at her, saying I don't need love from a pathetic girl, but what I didn't know, was those were my last words I would ever say to the young girl that cried tears of a broken heart when she was rejected by the only family she had. And now, I am haunted with nightmares of when she sobbed at my feet, but I ignored her pleads for love and compassion.

            Because of that day, I isolated myself from everyone. When I was 10, and I had a crush on a boy in my orphanage, he talked to me. He would say things like "Sweet!" and "Awesome!" He was always excited about everything around him, but that day he talked to me, I was bitter with anger for his attitude. He was always so happy, he had a family. No siblings or parents who never hugged him. His name that I bitterly whispered was Yume, he was Japanese. I over and over asked someone what it meant, but ignored the answers that I hated. And every answer caused horrible rage to fill my body, because his once beautiful name meant dream. Yume's parents thought of him as a dream come true, I would always see them come in, and when I was confused about why he was in the orphanage, I found out that they didn't have a home for him.

            It was all an act. I followed them when they left to a 3 floor house filled with expansive things like stereos and televisions. They never thought of him as a dream come true, they thought of him as a dream that was meant to never happen. I heard them talking when they let their car, which looked hideous as it was parked next to a white Volvo. While I was gazing at the car, they were insulting there son. Anger flew through my veins as I heard them whisper "Mistake" and "I'm glad he's gone." They kissed and walked inside of the house as I snuck away and dashed back to the orphanage, tears of rage and sorrow cascading down my cheeks. Never once did I see nor speak to Yume again. I was too ashamed to, knowing that I knew something that would be blurted out by accident if we spoke to one another.

            Three days after Anime died, that was my sister's name because my parents were artists; I was adopted by an abusive woman. She was cruel and treated me like an animal. Every time I cleaned her house, she would hit me and shove me around because I missed a spot or she felt like it. I was her doll in her house of horror, but never once I spoke my pain, or cried my feelings out, knowing I would be beaten if I did.

            Every night I would go to the closet size room she gave me and shed some tears on the flattened pillow. Days passed but I never left the horror and pain of the abuse, because I did not want to return to the place that I came from. And now, I bitterly regret every harsh and sickening word I said to those I wish were with me now.

            Tomorrow, I start high school. I would go to Shikon High and have to come home to a house of beatings. I doubt I will make any friends and I will remain silent the whole day if I have to. I don't need anyone in my life now, and I don't want anyone in my life.

            As night roles on, I drift to sleep, whispering under my breath as I close my tired eyes,

            "Sesshomaru."