This story is very hard to read, and it is a pity. For it seems very interesting, but I am having trouble reading because of all the grammatical errors.

The way that you have your words is also a little confusing, for I am not quite sure who is saying what.

You have an interesting idea going on here, but there are few that can read it. The errors are to aggravating to the eye.

Now, I am not going to sit here and tell you just what is wrong with the story. I shall also tell you how you can fix it.

1. You have to look over your Capitalizations. You seem to be lacking the common knowledge that the first letter in a sentence is capitalized, just as with a name is.

2. Look at some other stories that have high ratings and compare the way that their story is written compared to yours.

3. Get someone to look over your work so that it is presented in a much better way.

4. Do not mistake this for a flame, I would never do such.

5. Do not ignore this and think that your story is fine the way it is, for I am giving you a chance to fix your mistakes. The only true mistake out there is refusing to fix the ones that you did make.

I really do hate writing reviews like this, it makes me think that I am being mean. I do not mean this as a flame, so please do not take it that way!

I would love to see this story continued. Even though I see you have not updated in quites some time. That is a shame that no one would help you make your story better.

I really hope that you read this, apply it, and continue writing it.

Fanged Beasty

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