I think youre story has great potential, however, speaking as a writer myself, id like to give some constructive critisism. you have a small tendency to rely on the details of the settings and character descriptions just to take up space. You could instaed focus on creating more diologue to give the reader a clearer image. I love the idea you had for a beach vacation though. Just a little more editting to free it of clutter would make the writing a lot more enjoyable to read. Happy writing! ;)
sharilynn- Wed 26 Sep 2007
ohhhhh my my lets see lol,this is really good please keep writing.
Sharilynn
Sessygurl- Sun 23 Sep 2007
Ah! Please update!
jasmine- Sat 08 Sep 2007
please write more
UPDATE SOON PLZ!!!
LordSesshomaruLover16- Wed 22 Aug 2007
hey love your fanfic update soon okay it totally rocks so far keep up the good work looking forward to what happens next
thanks ur #fan Sheena aka LordSesshomaruLover16
LordSesshomaruLover16- Wed 22 Aug 2007
hey love your fanfic update soon okay it totally rocks so far keep up the good work looking forward to what happens next
thanks ur #fan Sheena aka LordSesshomaruLover16
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