Even If... by Only-A-Dreamer

Kill me...

Her body twisted and turned, lifting from the bed, as another roll of pain ran through her body, desperately wishing to make the pain go elsewhere, anywhere, just not there. She could feel the poison pulsing through her blood. Beads of sweat rolled as she grasped her pillow tightly, and buried her head in her pillows, crying and screaming "Sesshoumaru!!!" Her body curled into fetal position as the spasm of pain left her. She was glad, but not stupid. 'What am I glad for, in but a few seconds it will return. It always does.' Though it felt like an eternity, it had been but hours since her hurt began. She wanted, no, she needed to see Sesshoumaru. 'Sesshou, please come, please!' Not long had the thought began, before another burst of pain had seared through her body from the poison buried in her body. Her body again twisted and turned, the silk sheets doing naught but entrapping her to the bed. In that moment, she wished that she had not sent out the servants earlier. She knew they were standing outside her door at that very moment waiting for her beckon and at once would rush in, to help their mistress. She knew they loved her, and were in awe of her kindness, understandingness, and courage. For that same reason she knew it were not possible for them to see her hurt and not be hurt mentally themselves. 'I am but a coward,' she thought, her face set in a grim smile, as the pain subsided.

~~~ ~~~

The lord of the western lands speeded into his castle, his body ramming into the door, caring naught of the pain he felt as millions of splinters pierced his skin. His demon blood was pumping furiously, with his now blood-red eyes showing immense anger and pain. The servants froze in the middle of their duties, none daring to speak, for none had seen their master in such a muddled state before, and knew not of what to neither say nor do, for fear of his wrath. "Where is Kagome???" he roared.

"Milord, Milord! I am sorry! I am sorry! There had been an attack after milord's departure, and though we tried, we were unable to protect Lady Kagome from harm, and she had been hurt. She was fine for but two days, when the pains started. We do not know of how to help her, she is in the master's room right now," the squeaky voice of his loyal toad demon servant, Jaken, croaked. Jaken had ran to him as soon as Jaken had heard his roar. Jaken's words were missed by Sesshoumaru, as he sprinted off to his room, after hearing the words, "attack, Lady Kagome, hurt, and master's room." The only thoughts that he had at the moment were hopeful ones, and only of her health. 'Please be alright.'

He soon found himself in front of his room, several servants huddled around it, some praying for Kagome's health, while others talked and hoped of her safety. "Why are you not in taking care of your mistress?" he growled, as the odor of her blood filled his nostrils. The servants began to answer, all at different times, but he had already left, and walked into the room, when he heard her voice, softly calling his name. His eyes turned normal amber at the sight of her, but became angry once again, as he smelled the air.

Kagome sighed Sesshoumaru's name as the pain slowed. She then turned her attention on her arm wound which had reopened, but had not missed the creaking of the door and had immediately turned to it. She was relieved and excited as she saw her mate, albeit her vision was now blurred from the poison getting to it, but she knew there could be no mistake. "Sesshou," she whispered. Sesshoumaru had rushed to her, and gathered her in his arms. He had never experienced any more joy than he did at that moment.

When he noticed her wince, he loosened his grip on her, contenting himself to the sweet smell of her, as he buried his head in her hair. When he saw her open wound he became annoyed at the thought of her hurting herself by moving, and began immediately asking her, "Why have you been moving, you're hurt, and why is this wound open, are you trying to hurt yourself?" Kagome stopped him as he made a move to help bandage it, in a calm voice, she replied, "Don't Sesshou, it's no use, it won't matter anyways, you and I both know...ahhh," her sentence was cut short as her spasms began once again.

She pulled herself from his grasp and began twisting and turning once again. Sesshoumaru was confused when she pulled away from him, but as he sniffed the air her words registered in his mind. The stench in the room was of death, and the thought began registering as well. 'She is going to die!!!' And although it was selfish, the next thought he had was, 'She's going to leave me again, by myself!' He pulled her in his arms once again, despite her struggles. Finally she was in his arms again, though her body was shaking from pain. She began crying at that moment, her voice trembling, "Ses..ssho... I was so scared. I hated the thought of dying without seeing you one last time, stupid, ne? It hurts, Sesshou, it does, take the pain away, gods, it just hurts."

Sesshoumaru replied almost immediately, his voice full of confidence as he told her, "You're not going to die, you hear me, Kagome? I won't allow it! I simply won't allow it! You're going to get better, and then we'll always be together, just you, me, and our pups. You won't ever leave me. NEVER!" Kagome chuckled weakly as the pain diminished, partly at the confidence in his words, but mostly at the untruth of them. "Don't lie to me Sesshou, I'm dying, I know it, you know it, half the god-forsaken servants know it. I'm not even sure how I was able to live for a week, I should have died when the youkai attacked me, but I guessed I wanted to tell you I loved you one last time-" This time it was not pains that interrupted her, but an abrupt kiss from Sesshoumaru. As he pulled away, he looked at her and repeated, "You are NOT going to die! You are NOT going to leave me! You will NOT EVER leave me!!!" He gripped her tighter, as she began shaking. "Don't, Sesshou, please DON'T tell me lies, let me have one last day just for you and me, I think, no, I KNOW I will not live past nightfall, don't, try to comfort me, I can practically feel death breathing on my neck, just let me be with you, please, just no lies?" At such a plea, he could do not but agree. He knew that fact too, but he did not wish to accept it, but for her sake he would. "Sesshou, can you stop holding me so tightly, I can't breathe," she joked. He pulled away from her and grabbed a chair seating him at her bedside clasping her small hands within his own.

Seeing her in pain, set off bursts of anger within himself, at himself. He had never hated himself more. "It was my fault. I'm sorry, Kagome," he said. "It isn't your fault, Sesshou, it's nobody's fault, it was fate." Kagome told him, but he knew better. "Yes it is, all of it is! If I hadn't been such a bastard at the beginning we would have been mated already, not just a week ago. And if I hadn't been so insistent, we wouldn't have preformed the ceremony anyways, and your miko blood wouldn't have tried to purify the demon blood, and you wouldn't have been weakened during the attack. I shouldn't have even left the day earlier, I should have been there. Gods, forgive me, Kagome, I wouldn't have told you to do that, never, if I had known the results." 'I am the cause of this all! If I had recognized what a wonderful person Kagome was at the beginning, I would have done the ceremony when we were first married. I shouldn't have left the next day when I heard of bandits in my lands. They don't matter; Kagome is the one that matters, just her."

He had performed the demon mating ceremony with her but a week ago. The ceremony had them exchanging blood, and it was because of her miko blood trying to purify his demon blood within herself, that she had been weakened, or she would have never gotten hurt. Nothing matters, only she does. Kami, I have never begged for anything, just don't take her please.' He was pulled from his thoughts as Kagome whispered his name while tightly holding on to his hands. She was once again moving, desperately; sweat dripping down the sides of her face, as she wearied herself. After such a long lapse, it resumed but this time almost three times as powerful, and she knew, in that moment, that were she to let it kill her, it would torture her to the death. Looking at her mate, she knew there was but one option. She would rather die from his hand than by this suffering. She turned to Sesshoumaru, willing her body to stay still, if but for a moment.

"It hurts, Sesshou, it hurts so much I can't describe it. Please, please help me." She implored him. "How?" he asked. She pushed herself up and over to the chair, entwining her arms around his neck, and buried herself in him, while he took his hands and moved them to her waist. Kagome lifted her mouth to his left ear, and whispered softly, "Kill me..."

Sesshoumaru immediately pulled away from her, and with force, screamed, "NO!!! How can you ask that of me?" Kagome pleadingly continued, "Please, Sesshoumaru, I can't..AHH!!! I just can't live my last few hours like this. Please, Sesshou, because you love me?" She stopped and pulled away into the bed, as the pain reached an all new high. "I cannot live anyways; I would rather die from your hand then this way, please." Sesshoumaru looked at her, became angry at her, and for a second, even hated her for submitting and so easily accepting her death, but knew she was right. Youkai poison never allowed its victims to die peacefully. Looking at her, writhing in pain, his heart broke in half, and knew his decision.

He nodded. Tears streaming down her face, as she tried to smile, "Thank you, Sesshoumaru, thank you. I know this is selfish but I just can't. I would never have wanted you to do it, I really do want to spend my last few hours with you, but I can't, not this way, I'm sorry. I do love you, please don't be mad at me, please, don't hate me." Sesshoumaru climbed on the bed and gathered her in his arms, kissing her on the lips one last time, he told her, "I love you, too. Foolish girl, how could I ever be mad at you, or hate you for wishing to not suffer." Her heart tore apart too, as she looked at him. 'He deserves to know, he needs to know it would not just be your life he's ending.' Kagome stared at him, but between the poison and tears, she couldn't see but a blur of white. "Sesshoumaru, I should have told you before I made you agree, but... I didn't do it on purpose, truly."

He looked at her, and asked "What is it?" "I wanted to tell you before everything, truly, but you were so excited about the demon mating ceremony, and so was I, so I thought this could wait. But... had I known I would have told you so much earlier. I'm... I'm pregnant."

He stared back at her, his mind frozen in shock. Slowly he moved his head to her flat stomach, and could hear the two heartbeats, of the two, but grimly also the faintness of it. He swallowed hard. 'She should have told me' was his thought, but then it changed to, "I should have known, I should have been there, but I wasn't and this is my punishment, to lose both my wife, and pup. Kami, but the gods hated him. To lose both would kill him, to know he was killing both, but to make them hurt longer for his sake was selfish.' He hugged her tightly, and looked at her one last time; he raised his hand to her neck, while whispering "I'm so sorry for everything. I'll always love you."

Her last words to him were, "Even with a choice I would have still married you, despite the ending. I love you, too. In another life." Smiling slightly, she closed her eyes, and was consumed by black as she felt his sharp nail against her neck. With one clean stroke, he slit her throat with a single claw. He let out an anguish howl as he felt her life leave from her. He softly laid her body on the bed, and left the room, the servants gasped as at his bloodied appearance as he left the room, but their hearts broke for him, as they peered at Lady Kagome in her death, a slit against her throat, and a small smile on her face.

(What does every1 think? Is it okay, I thought it was pretty sad, I was crying at parts while I typed it but then again I do have on sad music >Aimee ponders, finger stroking her chin, carefully< Anyhow, I think I can turn this into a full story, but if you guys don't think I should ill just leave it as a one shot, k? Review please, gracias, arigato, cam on, and plain 'ol thanks.)

Love and more,

Aimee