My Hatred, My Obsession by Raven91

How I Hate You

My Hatred, My Obsession

Chapter 1 - How I Hate You

He was bleeding, bleeding badly.

Pain dominated his face; it ruled him.

She had never seen him being dominated, and it somehow felt wrong. Hell, the entire situation altogether felt wrong; him on top of her, dripping his blood on her, and her beneath him, staining his claws with her own blood. Perhaps this hallucination could be attributed to the lack of air in her lungs. But that, of course, was his fault. If only he could let her go so that she could regain some of her senses, but that, obviously, would never happen.

No...she would die here. She would die for seeing his one moment of weakness.

But her body refused to just give up; refused to deliver her to a place where she could no longer feel the pain he was inflicting. So she fought; fought him with all her strength. And that was why – before she herself could realize what she had done – he was flying backwards from the wave of power her body had hurtled at him. And then she was running, clutching at her bleeding shoulder, her left arm handing uselessly at her side. The rain was pounding, driving its limbs of freezing water into her, as if trying to prevent for from going any faster. The muddy ground moved under her and she slipped, sliding across the soaked leaves that littered it and adding further injuries to her already quickly mounting list of damage.

Then she was up and running again, but this time, she felt him following her. He was playing games with her, she realized. Her half-crazed mind drove her forward, her aching legs refusing to stop. It was as if she had degraded to the intelligence of a common beast.

'Danger...danger...run...must get away...'

In those moments, Kagome had ceased to exist. It was only the hunter and the hunted.

She could feel him breathing down her neck at some points. He would get closer, then back off, get close, then back off. He was teasing her, playing with her like some cat with a mouse. Only he wasn't a cat...he was a dog...a very feral and dangerous dog that wanted to kill her.

And then his claws were tearing through the skin on her back. She was flying through the air, skidding across the mud and dirt, and finally landing several feet away. This time, her legs could hold her no longer.

This time, she knew that she would have to pay...pay for seeing the great Sesshoumaru close to death and showing it.

(.....................)

She wasn't sure if she was dead when she opened her eyes and saw the sun. Every morning, she wondered what miracle had kept her alive that night, and why that dream kept coming back to her. It had been several months since the incident. Like all mornings since the nightmares began several weeks ago, she forced herself awake and started breakfast. Sango, Miroku, Shippo, Kirara, and Inuyasha were still sleeping – the hanyou's body looking rather uncomfortable in its half-sitting position. She tried not to make much noise as she started a small fire, grabbed a pot and some bathing articles from her bag and went off to the spring close by to fetch some water. She knew that the others would not be awake for another hour or so yet, so she took her time, enjoying the beautiful scenery that was so common in that era.

She came to the spring before she knew it. For a while, she allowed herself to simply enjoy the sounds of the running water. She removed her loose pajamas and tiptoed into the spring, feeling all her soreness ease. As she ran the soap over her body, she felt as if all the nightmares were being washed away. Her shoulder still bore a scar from that time – three claw marks. She dove under the water and quickly rinsed off her hair.

When she got back to the camp, everyone was still asleep. She smiled, feeling that they needed their rest, and refraining from waking them. As usual, she was going to make Ramen. Digging around in her bag, she found a package of instant soup mix and decided to try making it with the curly noodles. Pretty soon, the camp was smothered in the delicious smell. Inuyasha, being the most perceptive, woke up first, sniffing the air. Before he could even ask, she walked over and set a bowl of the soup in front of him. When she returned, four hopeful faces were waiting. She handed out the bowls, watching contentedly as they ate and complemented her cooking – although she really hadn't done much. She poured the left-over soup into her own bowl and began to eat, although she wasn't feeling particularly hungry.

As expected, Inuyasha and Shippo got into a fight over the meal, and as was normal, there was much yelling involved between the two. Inuyasha quickly found his place on the ground, his face smashed into the dirt and Shippo happily reached for the hanyou's bowl. He was smacked by his livid enemy, who somehow managed to free himself from the spell long enough to do just that. The kitsune was soon in tears, and that was how Kagome ended up giving away her breakfast.

By the middle of the day, after a tiring trek through a long and barren field, Kagome was feeling the effects of the lack of food. Inuyasha pushed on for they had heard rumors of a shard somewhere in this area, and the half-demon was bent on finding it at any cost. The sun was bearing down on her and she suddenly felt sick. Deciding that she could no longer move until she took a break, Kagome slid her bag to the floor and sat down. The group, their own bodies weary, did not immediately notice Kagome's absence. Sango was the first. She ran back to Kagome when she saw her position, and quickly asked her if everything was alright.

"I just think I need a break, Sango-chan." Inuyasha – to everyone's supreme shock – said nothing to berate Kagome for holding them up. In fact, he said nothing altogether to anyone. He simply passed the time staring at the sky while everyone rested. His silence – as deceptive as it was to the others – could not fool the young miko. She knew what was wrong, but refused to completely acknowledge the problem to herself. Questions ran through her mind, and she began to realize that perhaps there was another reason for his impatience to move on. But despite Kagome's reluctance to accept reality, when Inuyasha began to show signs of impatience and restlessness, she knew that she could not deny it any longer.

"Inuyasha..." He didn't turn around.

"What is it?" Even his voice was aloof.

"Go to her, Inuyasha..." This time, he turned around, and neither his eyes nor his voice was empty.

"Kagome..." Sure, she felt bad...but that did not mean that she would keep Inuyasha from doing what he wanted. If he was happy only when he was with her then she wasn't about to stop him from going.

"Go..." And as if that word was somehow a magical blade that cut his leash, he sprinted off, becoming nothing but a red blur in the distance.

The silence in the wake of the cool exchange was deafening and uncomfortable. Sango and Miroku both knew that trying to say something would only make matters worse, so they held their tongues. Shippo was silent as well. Night settled in, and still there was no sign of Inuyasha. Kagome – despite her depressed mood – felt worried.

"Don't worry, Kagome-chan. He'll be back soon." But that was what she told herself hours ago. Sango's words did not ease her fear at all. She forced herself to plaster a smile on her face.

"Sango-chan. Would you like to come bathe with me?" Sango didn't say anything about her friend's sudden change of mood. She knew that Kagome could usually – as miraculous as it was – bounce back from many situations with a cheerful disposition. She smiled back.

"Let's go see if there are any springs nearby." She waited for Kagome to gather up her things and after asking Miroku to watch the camp, they were off. To their luck, there was indeed a small stream nearby, but to their disappointment, it was frigid. After a quick bath, Sango decided to broach a subject that she had been thinking about for a long time.

"Kagome-chan..."

"Hm?" They were sitting on a patch of grass, and a gentle breeze blew Kagome's hair to the side, revealing the scar on her shoulder. Sango felt a little guilty asking her friend something so personal, but she really wanted to know...

"What happened, that one time?" She knew that Kagome understood what she meant, but the miko was long in answering nonetheless.

"Sesshoumaru..." She said nothing more, and Sango was left disappointed. Somehow, Kagome must have thought that that single word alone could describe everything.

(....................)

The next morning saw the same routine, only Kagome felt worse than she had the other day. She once again ended up giving most of her breakfast to Shippo, and as usual, this went unnoticed. Perhaps Kagome should have blamed herself for being so reckless with her health, but she was so tired and ill, that she could do no more than wonder what was wrong. They were passing on the edge of a cliff by midday, and Inuyasha was getting excited. Kagome assumed that he sensed a demon nearby, and reached out with her own senses to find it. Her heart lurched in her chest and she felt dizzy.

"Inuyasha..." she found that she could barely speak. "Two shards...ahead..."

"Gotcha!" He ran forward along with everyone else. She couldn't blame him for not noticing that she wasn't following. After all, she had always managed to keep up even if she wasn't riding on his back. But this time, she could do no more than whisper for him to wait before she felt herself plummeting over the edge of the cliff and into nothingness.

(........................)