Alive, Just Shattered by Inudemoness247

Chapter 1: Neither Dead or Alive

Alive, Just Shattered

Chapter 1: Neither Dead or Alive

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or YYH

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Has the thought ever crossed your mind as to what keeps you alive? Well sure there is your heart, lungs, brain and that sort of thing. But as in what keeps you alive, your soul, spirit, someone or something that keeps you moving from day to day; from every sunrise to sunset, only to do it all over again.

If you have what is it that keeps you on this earth? Have you ever asked yourself what would you do if you lost that something? Could you keep on living in a world where there is nothing left for you but a cold sadness that would forever haunt you as long as you remained 'alive'?

Well of course you haven't stopped to think about what that certain thing is. Most people don't stop to think about that sort of thing. People, us human beings; no living creatures tend to avoid that kind of thing. It doesn't matter if you or mortal, immortal, human, demon, god, goddess; these sort of things just don't pop into our minds during the day.

We tend to keep to the happier things in life, because in reality we avoid what we are afraid of. Anything that has a connection with death or even revolves around death is avoided; or for the most part it is. Most are afraid of death so they don't want to think about it and like to think they will never die. I used to be one of those people.

Yes even though I never knew it I was afraid of the thought of dying or seeing someone I knew die. The past few years in my life have changed that part about me completely. If they hadn't I wouldn't be thinking of such a thing now. I have seen many die and in a way have even died myself.

As confusing and unbelievable as it may sound I am dead but yet technically alive. Yes I am still breathing and walk among the world of the living, and I am sitting here at this very moment breathing as I watch the day come and go. You want to know how I am like this; I am like this because I have lost everything that gave me the will to live but something that I don't even know what, refuses to let me die all the way.

The things I found out that keep us wanting to live are in our very soul and spirit, imprinted within all of ourselves. For me it had been my friends, family, the mission, and him. Yes it was you Inuyasha, the man I loved but to never be loved by. I had known this for so long before that day, ever since the day I told you that I would stay by your side because all I really wanted was for you to be happy, even if that meant you would be with Kikyo.

It wasn't till that final day that my soul began to fall apart like tiny shards of glass, like the shards of the jewel we had hunted for so long. It were those many shards that brought us all together and me to you and yet at the same time killed me. I do not blame you for this happening to me, or the one you choose, or Naraku who killed them. No, I blame only one thing, the Shikon.

It has been a year since that day when my soul began to fall apart. My will to live was in my soul, my very spirit. But with my soul's vanishing so did my life because my will to live was in that which fell apart.

A year ago was the final battle with Naraku. The only shards left were the ones he had. Koga had been killed along with those remaining in his pack that were still alive. Both Miroku and Sango had been killed along with the one I had come to know as a son. Yes Shippo, he had been killed right in front of me but only an arm reach away. So close that his blood had been spilt onto me when a demon suddenly appeared taking his head.

I remember the shock, sorrow, and pain I felt when I helplessly watched all my friends die. But I didn't let their deaths be in vain. I was there along with the remaining others, which were Inuyasha, Kikyo, and Kirara. By the time my friends and son had been killed Naraku's army had been killed leaving only Kagura and Naraku himself. Kohaku had died at the beginning when Naraku took his shard from his back. Miroku and Sango had managed to kill Kanna and with all of us combined we took on the demon army. Koga and his pack along with Inuyasha had killed Kagura.

In the end it was the two arrows, one mine the others Kikyo's and Inuyasha's sword that killed Naraku. I had purified the jewel and brought it together before handing it over to Inuyasha. I hated that jewel and wanted noting of it but knew you had wanted it for so long. So Inuyasha made his wish, that Kikyo and him would be together. She was brought back to life fully, so where would that leave me?

For some reason my soul refused to go to her but instead the part of my soul in her came back to me. I guess you could say it wasn't a match. Somehow or another though Kikyo was brought back, just as she was before she died. When I handed the jewel over to him I knew what his wish would be and I of course did nothing to try and stop him.

I wanted Inuyasha happy, smiling, and laughing; even if it was with Kikyo. Maybe if I had never given the jewel to him to make the wish I wouldn't have turned out this way. One of the last things giving me the will to live had been ripped away. I couldn't be with Inuyasha; he had Kikyo. Because of that I began to die.

After everything was said and done and we had burned or friend's bodies I went to go home. There was no reason to stay in a time I didn't belong and had nothing for me anymore. As I jumped into the old yet so familiar well for what I thought would be the last time there was something missing. There was no blue glow sending me back, no graceful landing telling me I was home, no roof above telling me I was in the well house. No I was stuck in a time I didn't belong in.

Along with Inuyasha's wish the jewel had vanished; I could never return home. So I have the jewel to blame for bringing me here. For so many deaths including the ones I held dear and now for not allowing me to return to my own time. I was stuck here, in my own time I could have healed these wounds. I am covered in scars that can't be seen these are scars of the mind, emotionally.

Seeing as I could not return home Kaede, Inuyasha, and Kikyo offered that I remain in their village. I had no where to go so I stayed. As it turns out now that Kikyo was as she was so long before, was actually very nice. Both Kaede and Kikyo both helped train me in the past year. Now that I was stuck here I no longer wear that old school uniform but miko garbs, though a bit different from Kikyo's. The pants are black while the top is blue.

Kikyo and Inuyasha are now mates. They both have their own hut and have begun their family and life together, after all a whole year has passed now. Kikyo still helps the injured and keeps the village safe from demons as she did fifty years ago. I now live with Kaede in her hut along with Kirara who has remained with me ever since I began my life here. I help Kaede and the village as much as I can as a miko. Kirara has become what it seems like my only friend and even though I can't really talk to her I am fine with it, after all I never do talk as it is.

Ever since that day when my time refused to let me back, the day when my soul just shattered I haven't talked. I may occasionally say a word or two when needed, but unless it is I don't. Inuyasha and the others don't try to get me to talk because they know what all happened and for some reason can't help but pity me.

You might think that if my soul is shattered that I would be some sort of lifeless body that can't move yet somehow breaths. Well, my soul and spirit is still there in me, just shattered but remaining in me. As though it is just waiting to be put back together. But could I ever be healed? To have my will, soul, and spirit brought back together as the jewel was? Maybe there is something in me that knows it will, that is why maybe I am still alive.

Right now it seems hard to believe that I could become anywhere like I used to be. It would take a lot to do that. But maybe one day I can feel the joys of life again and finally be able to live and feel as I once was.

Over the past year I have gain control over my powers thanks to a lot of Kikyo's help. I can shoot a bow now with perfect aim. I have even gone and taught myself on my own how to use my energy into attacks without the use of a bow. Inuyasha even helped me with the use of a sword and I have even learned how to fight with the old staff Miroku once had.

I couldn't just leave the staff, so I kept it to remember him by. As for Sango, I had Kirara for that. I would have kept her Hiraikotsu but it had been broken in half. I had taken the ribbon Shippo used to tie his hair and tied it around the hilt of my sword. The sword had been given to me as a gift from Tetsusaiga's creator.

I was hardly ever needed in the village seeing as there were two other miko's so I had a lot of free time. Inuyasha who also had a lot of free time now that he didn't have jewel shards to find saw that; I sparred with him most of the day. Even though he had chosen Kikyo him and I were still friends. Even though he never would say it, even during one of our many sparring matches he never said it. But I knew why he spent so much time during his day sparring with me, it was the same reason Kikyo and Kaede helped train me so much.

None of them liked what I had become and for some reason they all felt guilty. In each of their eyes I could see sympathy, pity, and sadness when they looked at me. By keeping me training and working so much they hoped that I would snap out of whatever I was in and somehow save me from myself.

One day Inuyasha and I had been resting on a grassy hill that looked over the village after a sparring match. He told me he was sorry for everything that happened saying he blamed himself. He said if he hadn't continuously dragged me back here from my own time he may have been able to save me from all of this. He also said that my eyes have changed. He told me they looked like ice. Cold and hiding so much while allowing you to see the sadness, pain, and sorrow underneath if you stopped to look for just a second. The longer you looked the more he said you could see it and drew you in filling you up with what you saw in them.

Inuyasha said he blamed himself for the look in my eyes and for putting it there. I told him not to. If they wanted to blame anything blame the jewel, because out of everything that is what I blame.

Oh I do blame the jewel more than anything. Even though I hate it, I don't hate who created it only the jewel it self. As the days grew on I could feel the hate building up in me, swaying the purity in myself turning my powers dark. As soon as I would start to train though it would vanish completely, erasing every trace that it had ever been there.

In my training I could forget it all and get lost in this little world where only the weapon in my hands and myself moving it was there. All the memories of my friends, pain, sorrow, and anguish would vanish with the swing of my arm and my weapon in my hand. I didn't train to get stronger I did it so for some time I would be able to forget.

The truth was even though I trained a lot and had actually become quite good with all the weapons and things I trained in I never used them in real battle except sparring matches with Inuyasha. The sword I swung through the air so much during my training routines had yet to be covered in blood of another. My powers that I have trained have yet to be used to actually kill as well as the arrows I use with my bow. In fact I haven't killed for a bit over a year now.

It wasn't like I wanted to go out and kill someone or something. No in fact I could care less about that. All I cared about was training, and being able to forget while I lost myself in the movements of the weapon in my hands.

My power was actually unknown as to how much it was really and how high. It seemed because my soul was 'shattered' that so was the ability for anyone to find out how much power I possess. I merely seemed like a harmless miko that could do no more than heal. It had startled both Kaede and Kikyo when they could barely feel my aura. It was like it was there yet it wasn't at the same time. Like it to was shattered and lost waiting to be put back together.

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Kagome wondered why when Inuyasha made his wish that her soul just hadn't gone to Kikyo. She was the reincarnation of Kikyo, right? She had a lot of questions actually. Like her power seemed somehow different from Kikyo's along with so much more.

As time went on her speed increased dramatically and made some wonder if she didn't have some kind of demon blood in her. But that was the fact she didn't have demon blood in her, not even a drop. She just came to the conclusion it was due to all the hours of training and her powers. She could even now sneak up on Inuyasha without him even sensing her, even with his demon senses. She could be so quiet that it was like she wasn't there and could move so fast that she could just move in a blur. No one thought much of this not even Kagome did. She didn't care and wasn't bothered by it. Why should she?

Today was like any other day really. Kaede was helping the villagers that needed it and was tending to her herb garden. Kikyo and Inuyasha had gone to help a village up north. The village had been plagued by attacks by a low class demon. So as predicted when one of the villagers came asking for their help they left right away. Kaede would help any that got sick and if it came to it Kagome would be able to protect the village from any demons while they were gone.

Kagome was currently at a river near the village. If something happened that she was needed for like an attack she could get back to the village in no time at all. Besides if a demon did come she would be able to sense them before they could do any harm.

The cool water slowly flowed past her; it would be winter soon. Fall had been here for some time and it had been a bit more calming for Kagome. She would often go and sit on the hill that looked over the village watching the leaves of the trees slowly change color. As time went on each and every leaf fell making the trees bare. Everything began to look dead as the cold took over. Kaede had said the first snow would be here soon, said it was something she could sense, like a sixth sense.

Kagome hoped the old miko was right. One thing she loved was the snow. When the world around her would be covered in a blanket of white, that stretched out as far as the eye could see. The cold never bothered her really and she actually preferred it. The icy coldness that she would get made her numb. Another way to help forget even for just a minute.

Kagome was sitting on the riverbank with her knees drawn up against her chest, her arms wrapped around them, and her head resting on her knees. She gazed at the crystal clear water in silence. Kirara was sleeping, curled up into a ball next to her. She could see their faces on the waters surface, the faces of her dead friends.

She wondered if her family in the future thought she was dead or had some hope she was still alive and would come home one day. She was alive but there was no way for her to go home. She would remain here for the rest of the days till she finally died.

So is this what became of the miko that shattered the jewel she had come so much to hate? There seemed to be nothing worth living for and as she looked and thought about it there wasn't. Her friends were dead, Naraku was dead along with his followers, she would never be able to return to her time, never to see her family again, Inuyasha and Kikyo had each other, after Kaede died Kikyo could take her place. If she had no purpose then why was she still here? Was it a punishment for something?

As Kagome sat there on the riverbank watching the water flow by her anger increased. She was angry at what her life had become, for being stuck here, and for the jewel that had ruined everything in her life. She wanted so badly to just scream at the top of her lungs but found she couldn't, because when she did nothing could come out. It was like everything was trapped within her about to burst.

She just wanted to kill or destroy something; the jewel is what she wanted that something to be. But that was just the thing she couldn't. The jewel had vanished going out of her reach. Even if she did have the jewel, what would she do, step on it? No matter what she would never be able to do anything to the jewel; like it was mocking her. If she broke it, it was still there and could be put together.

Kagome let out a sigh. She was really pathetic; she was mad at a jewel of all things. Kagome suddenly stood walking off into the woods. Kirara who had just waken up quickly got up and followed her. Where was a demon attacking the village when you wanted them to?! If a demon was attacking the village she could at least take off some anger and frustration by killing it.

Before long Kagome found herself on the grassy hill looking over the village. The sky had an orange glow to it signaling that the sun was setting. Night would be upon them soon. Inuyasha and Kikyo should be back soon; they had been gone for a while now. Kagome watched as the villagers headed in to the warm comfort of their homes and the diner that awaited them. Kagome looked down at Kirara as she meowed.

"You can go ahead. I'll be in, in a little bit." Kagome said telling the fire cat that she could go inside where Kaede awaited them.

The small cat meowed one more time before bounding off down the hill and towards Kaede's hut. A tired sigh escaped her lips as she gazed over the village. She didn't want to go in just yet, she needed to let out some of this frustration first. Kagome moved her hand unsheathing her blade as she began more of her 'training'.

Before long she was lost in the sound of the blade cutting through the air, the whooshing sound it would make. Her eyes focused on the swift smooth movements of her sword and the hand that moved it. Over the past year since she had begun training her movements have become more graceful and perfected. Her stance was better as well along with everything else.

It wasn't much longer till Kagome had closed her eyes listening to the sounds and the humming the sword made; it was like a soft lullaby. The movements were so familiar to her, the soft humming brought her to peace, and it was the only thing she knew now; the only thing to loose herself in completely.

Kagome hummed along with her sword as she continued the movements, the sound matching perfectly. It was like the sword and her were singing a secret song that only they knew the words to. Kagome became so caught up in it that she never noticed when the blade stared to glow purple. The color going perfect with the color of the sky as the sun descended.

To anyone that saw her at that moment would agree that it was a beautiful sight. A slight purple glow hanging in the air where the sword moved. Kagome's long hair flew about her as she moved catching the last rays of the sun, which was setting behind her. Her face was calm and had a look of utter peace.

Everything was brought to an abrupt halt. Kagome stood up straight, her sword still in her hand. Kagome's humming stopped and her eyes popped open looking straight ahead. A faint pulse was heard; the glow around the blade soon surrounded her. She was taken back a bit the air in front of her rippled.

Kagome looked at what was before her in confusion as to what it was exactly. Cautiously she lowered her sword a bit while stepping forward bringing her hand up. A warm feeling jolted through her hand as she touched it. Suddenly a hole opened up, a blue light emanating from it; the hole growing larger by the second till it was big enough to walk through. Kagome quickly jerked her hand back as her fingertips got shocked.

'What?' Kagome thought jumping back when she felt something coming through.

Before Kagome now stood a demon. He was about Sesshomaru's height with green scaly skin. His eyes were all yellow besides his red pupils. He was wearing nothing but a plain pair of brown pants. His sharp yellow claws ready to kill.

"Hmm – what do I have here?" The demon spoke. One of his fangs showing as he grinned at her. "Don't tell me you are trying to kill me."

"Well I don't understand how you got here or what that thing is exactly but seeing as you are here and can cause harm to this village I will. Besides I've been needing to release some stress." Kagome said grinning and getting into fighting stance raising her sword.

"Like you could kill me." He said laughing at her.

"At least put up a fight, humor me." Kagome said smiling.

The demon snorted and grinned at her before lunging at her. The moment he leapt towards her Kagome leapt back into the air. She came back down swinging her sword at him. Kagome was a bit surprised when he quickly twisted a bit and back flipped out of the way. In several swift moves the demon was behind Kagome about to thrust his hand through her chest. Kagome turned around swinging her blade cutting of the demon's hand.

"Wench, you will pay for that." The demon said trying to grab Kagome with the hand he still hand.

Kagome got out of the way just in time, putting some distance between the two. Her attention went to the hole that the demon had came out of not to long ago. She could feel it; more were coming. She had no time to play with this low class demon. Kagome quickly charged forward slicing the demon's head off; or at least that is what she would have hoped had happened. The moment she got close enough the demon grabbed her wrist throwing her into the portal from where the demon had come.

Everything seemed to slow down, like watching a movie play in slow motion. Anxiety built by the second as Kagome wondered what was going to happen. She soon found out. Everything soon changed around her as she entered the portal. At first it was blue like the well's portal had been, then it changed to a dark crimson. She could feel the presence of demons approaching her and fast.

What was she to do? She was all alone and she wasn't even sure of where she was. There was no way she could take on all the demons that were coming her way by herself. That was just the thing, there wasn't anyone her to help her. Outside of this that demon still stood, he was alive. The village was helpless unless somehow Kirara could kill the demon on her own. Kaede would be of no use; she was to old now to be of much help when it came to killing demons.

She had let them down. How many times would she let someone down when it mattered the most? Well of course she couldn't answer that she couldn't see into the future. As the demons drew closer she wasn't afraid but she was disgusted. That she couldn't protect the villagers. Kagome didn't even know how to get back to them.

Suddenly they hit her like a giant wave crashing down onto the rocks. Demons swarmed around her in a frenzy. They all seemed to be going in one direction, from what seemed as where she had come from. That meant the village would be covered with them soon.

Surprisingly none of them paid her much attention. They all went by her in a rush like they were trying to get through this 'portal' or whatever it was as soon as they possibly could. Every now and then one might give her a look as they hurried by. At least they weren't trying to kill her, but could the same fate be said for the villagers? She couldn't take that chance. Kagome could at least try and stop some of them now.

Kagome focused on all of her energy into her pulling it to the surface. If she was lucky she could take out a bunch of them in one blow. Though in the end she would be powerless, all of her energy drained; but it was worth a shot. Soon every inch of her skin was tingling, it was now or never she guessed. As she opened the imaginary doors that were within her, her energy flooded out in a giant wave.

Every demon around her was hit with it, and was immediately killed. It hit them all hard, like the raging waves pounding against the rocks by the shore. Her energy for some reason didn't seem like it had a color; it was like the wind. You couldn't really see it but you could feel it. The only way you knew it was there by feeling it and seeing it hit others around you in it's disturbance.

Kagome's eyes widened at the sight. The demons were quickly torn apart as though they had been thrown into a blinder. Soon there was nothing left of them. They had all, to her surprise, been killed. The village would be safe, good.

Even though the demons were gone Kagome seemed to still have energy pouring out of her. There seemed to be no way to stop it. The wall that had been built to keep it in had been broken like a dam and her energy was pouring out of her like flooding waters.

All the stress it was putting on her body as it flooded out seemed like it would tear her body into shreds from all the stress. Kagome was suddenly scared; she was terrified. It was like she was being killed by her own energy and it was scaring the hell out of her.

Then it struck her and hard. It felt like a dagger was stabbing her. But the pain was all over and it never lessened, the pain only grew. Kagome finally let it out, she screamed at the top of her lungs. The high-pitched scream was carried with the giant wave of energy as it rushed out to where she didn't know. The scream seemed like it would break glass.

'God make this stop.'

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All around it was quiet and dark. The moon above was full on the cool night. Demons and humans slept on in their man made buildings of steel. Some slept on in blissful ignorance while a few were brought from their slumber. Anyone with a sense of their surroundings could feel it. A soft whisper in the air - something that reached their soul.

A sweet promise of what once was - a past so long forgotten that it was no more than a faint dream. A world where they lived freely - a world with promises of power. With greedy footsteps some rose from their sleep and ventured to the heart of this sweet whisper.

Suddenly all the demons that had still been trying to reach the portal stopped at once. They all felt it as their eyes widened. Suddenly it hit them all knocking them back a bit before they were no more as the wave of raw energy hit them. The last thing they heard was the banshee like scream as they quickly faded off to their deaths in the after life.

All of the demons for miles met the same fate. Those that had been heading for the portal and even those that hadn't were killed. The sleeping had been woken up by the scream, the moment they had opened their eyes they had been killed.

Finally the wave of raw energy was gone, as though it had never been there. In its leaving was destruction along with the absence of thousands of demons. Those that had been killed didn't have a trace that they had been there or ever been alive. All of the trees that had been in the area had been knocked down as though a powerful wave of water came taking it all down. The leaves that had still clung to the trees during the cold time of the year were gone leaving the trees completely bare. Buildings closest cracked leaving the weaker to fall. The sounds of car alarms could be heard as windows turned to shards of glass on the pavement.

The portal finally began to flicker in and out like a burning out light bulb. It was like the energy was too much for it. Finally it went out disappearing from sight leaving the destruction behind giving no real clue as to what brought the destruction. All that had been there to see it was dead now.