What Hurts the Most by ladieyasha10

What Hurts the Most

The breeze flowed so gently it was almost nonexistent. Its presence was not nearly as powerful or forceful as the demon that stood impenetrably over a single gray headstone.

The wind's invisible intensity copulated gently with the wispy strands of the great beings hair, bringing forth the gorgeous silk silver strands to intermingle innocently with the cherry tree blossoms that floated listlessly and passionately from the tree that served as the site of the final resting place of the only one he thought had cared for him.

Not feared him, but truly held him in concern. Golden eyes broadened with the feeling of loss and weakness. To be defeated in battle allowed a show of respect for the courage necessary to confront a worthy warrior. To be defeated in life by death allowed nothing but the admittance of weakness.

Because of his lack of understanding and reliance on brute force he had lost her, the only one that he had desired. She had tried so hard to bring him out of his shell, to make him the epitome of every girl's fantasy. But, what she had not understood was that he could not be urged to bend; he was no fantasy. He was real.

The cloudless blue sky had turned to dusky purple signaling the oncoming night. How long he stood there was unknown but he could feel the ache in his spine which indicated he had been erect for quite some time. No sign of exhaustion was apparent from his features but the evidence of his broken heart lay visible in his obvious hesitation to leave.

This girl that he had barely known had taken from him his sense of control and he cursed himself and her for it. Yet, the release had been welcomed and he had indeed enjoyed the feeling that she demonstrated towards him.

He was so careless, falling deep into her trap, not realizing until it was too late and she had already gone that he needed her. If it was as simple a matter as saving her then he would have been there sword ready and poised to smite the first oppressor to her existence but she had chosen the path she had taken and it landed her right where she was now.

Gone.

He would never see her again. The power of his sword was useless to bring her back. He had failed all along to see that loving her was what he was trying to do.

He turned on his heel and proceeded into his domain as the twinkling of the stars became discernible against the pitch black of the night sky.

A glance upward at the uncontrolled magnificence reminded him of the first night they had made love outside, the only witness the starry canopy that reigned so majestically above him now. He could have told her then but it would not have been true. At first it was lust and revenge, not love. No, he had not loved her until later, after his desire had been abated and he could not stand to be without the feel of her breath on his neck or her frail frame pressed against his naked body.

Inside he could feel the loss and the pain permeated his domains, now void of the warmth that she contributed to it and its inhabitants.

Soundlessly and appearing as emotionless as was his reputation to do so, he glided into the bedroom that they had once shared.

Carefully he peeled off the layers of his clothing that shielded his body from the world. Once nude he crawled into the massiveness that was his empty bed.

Contemplating his reaction to her disappearance, he felt the need to question his own motives for feeling this unquenchable sadness. Shifting on the mattress, outwardly focusing on finding a comfortable position, he began to caress his left arm. It was the only tangible object that she had not previously possessed that she had left behind.

He almost smirked when he remembered that after the splendid release of her first orgasm she had unintentionally used her miko powers to envelop his body and shape his missing limb. He had been so shocked he could think of no better way to thank her than to make her scream, and she had, all night long.

The memory sparked the realization in his mind for why he was so intense in his mourning. He knew why. It was the regret of a territory unconquered; an obstacle unattained. Sure, he had tasted and savored in her body a countless number of times, but there was more to a woman. She had a soul and it was the one thing that she had willingly offered to share with him but he had not done the same with his own. He had not welcomed himself to her love, but why?

Then the obvious dawned on him. It was so simple he felt the need to speak it aloud to assure himself of the truth behind his epiphany. In his smooth monotone voice he caressed the words that revealed his recognition of why her absence caused him such great heartache. He breathed. "What hurt the most was being so close, and having so much to say, and watching you walk away. And never knowing what could have been and not seeing that loving you is what I was trying to do."