Heart of my Soul by OnyxIvyStone

Dying and Living

Alma Muda

(From the "Domino" soundtrack, written by Heitor Pereira)

Open the door of your dark cell

And let me silence your screams with kisses

Open the door of your prison of pain

And cover yourself in my arms, my love

Open the door, I beg you

Open the door to your silent soul

The ground was soggy with deep red pools of warmth. It soaked through the leather of her boots and up into the fabric of her pants. Her blouse was a wash of slowly drying crimson and her hair was caked with mud made of blood, ash and earth, as was the whole back of her clothing. She was on her knees, holding the glowing pink crystal orb in her hands, staring with dull azure eyes at its purity. The Shikon no Tama. It was complete. Naraku was dead. His black blood was slowly mixing with the red of her friends, her beloveds, her allies and she was left there utterly alone.

She looked around herself at the broken bodies that surrounded her. In the end, it had been her power that had defeated the dark hanyou. Inuyasha and Sesshomaru had given her an opening when the power of their father's swords had fused and given her the opening she had needed. She'd rushed forward, knowing full well she was sacrificing her life to cross into the deadly cloud of Naraku's miasma, but she did not falter. She reached out into the fissure created by the brother's combined strength and had grasped the Shikon no Tama. She'd purified it while it was still within Naraku. In one last, desperate act, he dispelled his power, engulfing a square mile with malevolent energy that tore everyone to pieces, killing them.

She'd been spared because the Shikon no Tama had protected her. It had chosen her as its eternal protector. As long as she lived, the jewel would be her responsibility and the jewel intended for her to live for eternity. She stood slowly and looked to the two brothers. Inuyasha was shredded beyond recognition. She walked to his side and found the sword, Tessaiga, half submerged in a pool of his blood. She pulled it from the crimson bog and sheathed it carefully, with reverence. Next she walked to Sesshomaru, the great Taiyoukai who she had become friends with over the last few years. Rin had been murdered by one of Naraku's incarnations. The Taiyoukai had nearly lost his mind in grief. Kagome had been there for him. She'd helped him hunt down the incarnation and then promised him she would help him gain his revenge.

She knelt beside the broken body of the once so beautiful inuyoukai. She pushed his bloody, matted bangs away from the crescent moon still present on his brow and leaned down gently to kiss it. Inuyasha had wanted death. He'd decided he wished to return to Kikyo even though, once the undead miko had died, the fracture of Kagome's soul used to resurrect her had returned and fused with her. She remembered everything that had happened to Kikyo. She had all of her emotions. All of her memories. Still, Inuyasha could not accept that she had not died so much as been returned to her present life and so had decided that, no matter the result of the battle with Naraku, he would die in the end. They had said their goodbyes. She had not been given the chance to say goodbye to Sesshomaru.

"What will you do when Naraku is defeated, Miko?" His voice was soft and laden with the dull ache he still felt in the absence of Rin. Kagome's company had become his only sanity since the little girl had been murdered. She hadn't left his side, even when he'd threatened to kill her.

She shrugged lightly. "Once I thought I would stay here with Inuyasha and my friends... Then Miroku succumb to the curse placed on his family by Naraku. Sango went into hiding because she was pregnant only to lose the child and her life... Shippo... Sweet Shippo. When Naraku destroyed Kaede's village, he tried to be strong for them. To protect them, but he wasn't strong enough. Inuyasha and I had been away seeking out Naraku and when we returned, everyone was dead. Now Inuyasha says he doesn't want to live any more because Kikyo is dead. I don't know if I really have a reason to stay in this time any more."

"What about the mangy wolf?"

She smiled faintly and laughed bitterly. "Kouga, no. He's more a reason to run away than stay. He's always loved me, but I can't see him as anything more than a friend. If I stayed, I'd hurt him and I couldn't bear that."

"What about... What about this Sesshomaru?" He asked in an almost whispered tone.

She turned her head and met his fierce amber eyes with her shimmering azure ones. "If I went back to my time, I'd be like a ghost there. If I stayed here, with you, wouldn't it undermined your rule in the West?"

"Only if I let it do so. This Sesshomaru... Enjoys your company, Miko. You have made the loss of Rin bearable."

She smiled and nodded faintly, turning her gaze back to the stars. "Then I will stay."

"Why will I stay now, Sesshomaru?" She whispered softly against the smooth skin of his brow.

She sighed and trembled, then moved to grasp the hilt of Tesseiga. She found his hand would not release the blade. She frowned and tried to pry his fingers away from the finely woven leather and metal only to be nearly scared to death when he gripped it more firmly.

"You're... You're alive." She breathed and looked over the rest of his body. He was barely breathing. It was so shallow, in fact, that she'd completely missed it. His heart wasn't beating which caused her to pause. She waited a moment and then heard and felt the strong thrum in his chest. His body had slowed down in order to ensure his survival even while so terribly injured.

She felt tears well in her eyes and, though she could not see it herself, some of the light that had faded away returned to her gaze. "Hold on, Sesshomaru. Please..."

She closed her eyes and held the jewel tightly in her palm. If she tried to heal him with her powers alone, she would purify him, but through the Shikon no Tama, she could channel her energies through the youkai energies that were present and warring within it and alter her own power enough that she could heal him without harming him. "Please... Please..." She whispered. A sudden, agonizing jolt of energy pierced through her whole body as she focused and tried to heal the Taiyoukai before her.

After a moment of agony, Sesshomaru's eyes flashed open, bleeding red. He growled and snarled shortly before he caught sight of the miko who wept beside him, fighting to save his life. She was so focused and caught in a halo of white. He forced his beast back into the recesses of his mind and allowed himself to be healed. Agony turned into white, intense, blinding pain as he felt the bone and flesh of his missing arm begin to knit and regenerate. As his hand and fingers were returned to him, he flexed them and felt, for the first time, flesh where the phantom limb had been for so many years.

She felt weak. Her heart skipped a beat and suddenly she was simply, utterly exhausted. She began to collapse, but found arms wrapped securely around her. A soft cry escaped through her parted lips and a few tears slipped down her cheeks. She felt herself lifted up and held close to a strong armored chest. She felt wind blowing around her. She felt the warmth of the body that held her so close. She felt his breath against her brow where he placed his lips in a gentle kiss. And then the world went black.

~

He entered his palace in a rush of the scent of blood and ash. He did not let anyone near the girl he held so fast against his chest. She was breathing shallowly and was deathly pale. The scent of blood overwhelmed her normally pleasing scent and it bothered him greatly. He snarled at his servants and walked directly to the hot springs that were settled in the bathhouse that was in his private courtyard.

He laid her on one of the benches and undressed her swiftly. He did so without focusing on any part of her for any length of time. He knew of her modesty and, though when he first met her he thought her indecent, he had learned in time that she was, in fact, innocent and worthy of the respect that came with her maidenhood.

He disrobed as well and carried her into the heated waters of the hot springs, bathing them both with infinite care. Not only had she salvaged his sanity after the death of his ward, now she had saved his life. She was worthy of all the care he could show her. He trusted no one else to do so, especially not in his palace. All within the walls were youkai, who either wished to usurp him, harm him or hated humans so greatly that he would not trust them with Kagome's life. It was why he stayed away so much of the time. It was why Rin had never set foot in his palace. This was different. Kagome needed care in a place where she could recover and not fear anyone coming after the Shikon no Tama she held so tightly in her fist.

Once she was clean, he stood and carried her from the spring to his chambers. He dressed her in one of his lighter haori he usually wore for sleep. She was nearly swimming in the fabric. It fell down to her knees, but he mused that, much of that first span of time while they had been enemies, she had dressed in skirts far shorter. He worked out the tangles in her long hair with his finely carved comb, taking his time so every ebony strand fell neatly down her back. Shortly after he had laid her down and had dressed in a similar haori and hakama, he heard her whimper softly as she fought to wake. He knelt beside her and caressed his fingertips along her jaw gently.

"Kagome..." He whispered and was rewarded with her azure eyes fluttering open and meeting his amber gaze. "You are safe. You are in my home."

Her eyes welled with tears and she nodded slowly. He caressed her shoulders and arms gently, causing her to startle. She took his newly regenerated hand and looked at it in wonder. "I did this..."

He nodded and smiled faintly. It was a gentle smile. A kind smile. The smile that, up until then, only Rin had ever seen. "You gave me back what carelessness lost me."

She smiled and nodded, though her tears continued. He reached out and rubbed them away with the pads of his thumbs. "He's dead... They're all dead except for us. Sesshomaru, I feel so lost."

"You are not lost. You are safe with me. I will let no one harm you." He drew her into his embrace and held her close, smoothing her hair comfortingly.

She curled against him and held tightly to his frame. She closed her eyes and breathed in his clean, masculine scent. "No one could. The Shikon no Tama won't let me die. I should have, but it has chosen me to be its protector for eternity. I have the feeling that, if someone tried to kill me, no matter how damaged I was, I would survive."

"How can you be certain?"

"Because I should have died in the fight with Naraku. I sustained as much damage, if not more than you and Inuyasha did. I felt every blow. If any one should have died in that battle, it should have been me, but I'm still here."

He nodded and held her tighter. "This court is not a safe place, Kagome. If you stay with me here, you must be strong. Your life will be in danger every day."

"That's why you wandered with Rin?"

"Yes. I will wander with you if you so wish."

"No... I... I don't want to wander any more. At least not for a while." She looked up and met his gaze. "Please, Sesshomaru, trust me. I'm stronger than you give me credit for."

"I give you credit for your strength, Kagome. It is only that this Sesshomaru should be your protector. You should not have to fear in my house, but... The only safety you could ever truly know here would be as my mate and... I know you loved my brother. I know we are only allies and comrades..."

"We're much more than that." She chided, silencing him with her gaze. "Sesshomaru, you're my friend. You're more than my friend, you're... You're the only person who understands. You're the only person who doesn't make me fell second best or like a ghost wandering without purpose. Don't you see? I loved Inuyasha, but he never loved me back... You do."

He blinked, then nodded. What point was there in lying or denying the truth she'd deduced? "You love this Sesshomaru?"

She blushed faintly and traced his features with her fingertips. "Maybe this is the way it was meant to be. Two broken souls that fit together in a way that mends the fissures and shards they lost. I don't know what might happen tomorrow, Sesshomaru, but I know that, as I walked beside you, fought beside you, I learned how closely our souls match... You became my home, and I love you for that."

He smiled again, but faint amusement danced in his eyes where sorrow had been only moments before. Sorrow and mourning. "So many words."

She laughed with sudden mirth and then found her lips captured by his. She trembled and returned his kiss deeply and with the desperation that came with loss. She tasted the same desperation in him as their tongues danced together and she knew that, no matter what happened in the morning, this night was theirs and no one could steal it from them.

He laid her back again and pressed her into the mattress. His overwhelming need weakened any resolve he might have had regarding the miko's purity and his own pride. His actions would weaken his hold on the West as his father's had centuries before. Sesshomaru had fought the stigma his father's decisions had cast over his own reign and now, mating Kagome, risking her pregnancy would certainly destroy what respect he had left in the youkai court. But he didn't care any more. He'd lost so much. He ached so completely and he knew she understood. And he understood her pain. All that mattered was ebbing the ache they shared. All that mattered was filling the great expansive void that was threatening their existence.

He couldn't remember undressing her, or her undressing him, but as the fabric slipped from him onto the bedding, he realized that any thought was futile. Fighting their need was futile. And so, the great Taiyoukai of the West succumb to the supple, beautiful miko whose kisses danced along his jaw and hands gripped gently to his back.

She didn't remember the first pain. She had been told that it would come with her first time, but she didn't experience it. She was too lost in his presence and the comfort it brought her. Their bodies entwined and merged, becoming one in a slow, languid, but all together desperate act. Pleasure was secondary to their closeness, their union. Exhaustion was ignored and fought time and again. She needed him as desperately as he needed her and so, it was only with the gradual light of morning that they found themselves so utterly spent that continuing seemed a flight of fancy.

He curled around her and clutched her tightly to his form in much the same way she clung to him. Their legs even held fast to each other as afterglow hung in heavy veils around them. Between them, bittersweet kisses continued to connect lightly, slowly as their tears mingled together. Her heart felt broken and healed at once. His soul ached and thrived in her hands. It did not matter the trials the day would bring. There was no fear of the future. They had faced more terror than anyone else could enact upon them again. They had lost more than any one person should have to in a full lifetime. It did not matter what would come. It did not matter what they had endured. What mattered was the moment. What mattered was the throbbing pain living simultaneously with pleasure and comfort. Nothing would ever heal, but together they could endure.

~

So I wrote this because the song lyrics made me cry and I was inspired. There's so much else that inspired all of this drabble. My own pain. The pain of my loved ones lately. Loss. Its kind of personal, but that makes the best story. When your emotion bleeds over and suddenly things come to life. In any case, I hope you all enjoy. Also, extra super bonus points if anyone can tell me where the story summary comes from and what its in reference to.

Peace.