An Itch to Scratch by iloveprettysilverhair

Fleas

In response to a challenge posted by Trouble in Shangri-La in 2005. The challenge was:

Sesshoumaru somehow gets fleas. Yes, fleas.

The only way to get rid of them is if Kagome gives him flea soap. She can either leave it for him to find or literally bathe him in it.

You do the rest.

Rules:

* Sesshoumaru MUST BE IC.

* There MUST BE a situation where Sesshoumaru is dying to scratch and can't without spoiling his "dignified" image.

* Kagome MUST catch him in the act of scratching like mad.

Well, this is my attempt. I hope it is up to par. Enjoy!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

How undignified.

How completely and utterly unbecoming for one such as I, the western lord, to be overthrown by a measly little parasite. Disgraceful.

I have never wanted to kill my useless half-brother more than I do on this day. It is entirely his fault that I must suffer from this. He is living up to his dog heritage in every sense of the way, and has unfortunately brought me down with him this time.

I guess I should have expected it sooner or later; the boy never bathes, it was just a matter of time before he was overrun with them. In all actuality I was surprised it hadn't come upon him sooner, Inuyasha has a way of attracting things that in one way or another are blood-sucking. But seriously, fleas? Why did it have to be fleas?

I, Sesshoumaru, can destroy an opponent with nothing more than a flick of my wrist; make men and demon alike cower in fear with a single glare. Yet I cannot soothe this damned itch!

"Lord Sesshoumaru?"

Ah, Rin, a mere child yet she can sense when I am discomforted. I really must reign in my disturbed aura.

"Yes Rin?" I answer.

"Do you need to take a rest, you look tired," says she.

Tired, yes I believe I am tired. I have not been able to rest properly for almost a week and although I do not need much sleep in the first place, it starts to strain even me after a while. Damn this itch, if only I could scratch it! It feels like a thousand little pin pricks making their way down my back. Rin is looking at me strangely, ah yes; she did ask me a question didn't she.

"Perhaps," was my reply.

Rin smiled, one of those large toothy smiles that she always graces me with, and hops towards the field of flowers that she no doubt spotted a mile away.

"Jaken," I said.

"Yes milord? What can this humble servant of yours do for you?"

This toad is lucky that he is loyal, otherwise I might have been rid of him many moons ago. His voice has a way of grating on one's nerves; similar to this itch that is currently making itself known on the back of my neck.

"Follow Rin and be sure that she comes to no harm," I replied.

"Yes milord! Anything for you!" Jaken bellowed before he scurried away.

Now that my charges are away I may be able to scratch the itch that has made its way to my stomach and head. I walk a little further to be perfectly sure I will not be disturbed for this less than majestic act I am about to indulge myself in. A tree might do nicely for this itch that has now taken over half my body.

After a thorough check of my surroundings I lengthen my claws, ever so slightly more, to scratch my chest. Ah, that feels much better! These claws are good for more than one thing. Now if I could just reach my back...there we go. Damn, but my nails are too short to reach mid back; that's where the tree will come in handy.

I prop myself up against the tree, ah this magnificent tree, and begin to rub up and down on it. This is definitely superior to my claws; gods this feels better! The tree against my back and my claws against my scalp is a satisfying feeling, it is no wonder I became lost in the sensation. Perhaps it was a bit too gratifying.

"Um, Lord Sesshoumaru?" came a quiet voice.

I freeze. Damn, no one was supposed to see me like this! I straighten myself up and turn my head to lock eyes with my intruder. Could this week get any more bothersome? This is all I need right now, now doubt this girl will run off and blab to all that will listen that she has caught me in this compromising position. Maybe if I give her a good glare, she will forget she saw me and go off on her way. It is worth a try.

Alright think angry look...

Damn. No use, she is still staring at me. Alright, time for threats, that always seems to work.

"Miko," I started. "You will tell no one of this or you will suffer the consequences."

That seems to have done the trick. I can sense the trepidation around her, and she is biting her bottom lip; always a good sign that my threats are effective. She nodded then in acquiesces. What is she doing out here anyway?

"Where is the half-breed?" I ask.

I almost let my façade drop when I saw her jump. Apparently she was not expecting me to speak. No matter, at least she is smart to fear me. She is hesitant to answer; oh how I do hate waiting. I narrow my eyes before trying again.

"Miko..."

"Um, h-he's at our camp, I was just looking for a hot spring," she finally answers.

"Hn." Oh well, I might as well point her in the right direction; then at least I will be able to return to my scratching.

"You will find a spring about a hundred yards from here. Go, and remember miko, I do not make idle on my threats," yes, that sounded acceptable.

The girl, Kagome I believe is what my half-brother calls her, gave me a disbelieving look. She then bowed her head a little before walking in the direction I pointed her in. I took this opportunity to scratch underneath my chin and the side of my neck. Hell forsakes these insufferable fleas! They are driving me mad with their incessant biting! Now the itch is on my leg; if I didn't have these claws I would have probably drowned myself by now just to be rid of this irritation.

"Ahem, Lord Sesshoumaru?"

Curses, I thought she had left already.

"I thought I made myself clear when I said to leave. Do not make me repeat myself again miko."

Alright, maybe that was a little harsh, but damn, I just want to scratch in peace. Great, now she is wringing her hands together; it is obvious she wants to say something. Argh, now they're biting in places they shouldn't be, how dare these pests take such liberties with my person?!

"Come out with it miko, or leave. I have no time for the likes of you."

She dares narrow her eyes at me? How intimidating does she think she looks with her hands balled up into little fists, she looks no fiercer than Rin does when she is picking flowers. The girl takes a couple of deep breaths, no doubt to calm her self before she began speaking.

"Um, well, I was just going to say that Inuyasha was having a problem with fleas...and well, I know you came in contact with him, so you might have got them too, and um, I have this stuff here in my backpack that gets rid of them, um if you are interested that is."

She wants to help me? I could not stop the eyebrow that rose at this declaration. Imagine, this woman-child offering to help this Sesshoumaru, it is almost laughable. However, the idea has merit, perhaps I should hear her out.

"Go on," I said.

"Well, it's kind of like soap, when washed with it; it kills the fleas and stops you from itching. It worked on Inuyasha, I, uh, don't see why it wouldn't work on you as well," the miko explained.

That is promising; it might not be so bad to take her up on her generous offer. Besides, it has been a while since I have indulged in anything. Not to mention that the small bites are gaining in their viciousness...alright then...

"I accept your offer; you shall bathe this Sesshoumaru."

"Huh?" came her intelligent response.

"You presented the use of your product and I do believe you said 'when washed' with it. Am I to believe you are rescinding on your offer?"

"What?! No! It's just that...well..." she trailed off.

The miko turned three different shades of red and dropped her gaze away from me. I see now; she is unused to seeing a nude male specimen. Surely my brother is a moron, or perhaps he seeks companionship among the male species? This girl follows him wherever he goes with no questions asked and she is still untouched; ridiculous.

Damn, if I don't have to scratch again. The bites are becoming more frequent now; they must sense their inevitable demise is close at hand. Now, to get the girl to comply with my demands.

"I have accepted your offer, and now it is time to fulfill your end of it," I say as I begin the trek to the hot springs.

I look over my shoulder slightly to see that she is reluctantly following me while mumbling to herself; undoubtedly trying to find a way out of this situation before we arrive at the spring. When we arrive, I will give her no chance for argument, these fleas are killing me and I will waste no further time with them.

True to my word, we arrive at the hot spring in a few short minutes. I start to disrobe when I hear a startled squeak behind me. When I look I see that the miko has covered her eyes with her hands and there is a bright blush staining her cheeks. I finish undressing and walk up to her so that I am mere inches away. When I lean down to whisper in her ear I can see her shiver involuntarily which brings a smirk to my face; the girl is amusing.

"Miko," I say in a low, soothing voice that I know will affect her. "It is usually customary to bathe in the nude. Do not be afraid to look upon my person; I have no shame and neither should you."

I almost wanted to laugh aloud when she peaked through her fingers to look me in the eyes, but I remained impassive on the outside. In all honesty, I was becoming impatient; I want nothing more than to be rid of the parasites on my body. Even now I can still feel them jumping and biting. I must remember to seek my revenge on Inuyasha after all of this is done. Time to speed things up a bit.

"Undress," I commanded. I did not wait for her to reply before I turned around and submerged myself in the hot spring.

"Excuse me?!" she all but shouted. Why couldn't things just go the way I wanted them to?

"Undress," I repeated.

"I can't just bathe with you, you-you...no! I can't," she determined.

"This Sesshoumaru was unaware that you had a choice in the matter. Now, you can either undress yourself or I will do it for you," there that ought to shut her up.

This time her blush spread further; her face was completely red as well as her neck. That was all I saw before it disappeared underneath her shirt. Interesting. Damn, the itching started again. The girl, Kagome, started to say something in protest but I merely narrowed my eyes at her, daring her to say something. She pursed her lips together and closed her eyes in what seemed to be contemplation. To my surprise, she spoke calmly.

"Fine," she said, "just turn around and don't even think about peeking."

"You have been mislead if you think that I, Sesshoumaru, would desire to look at your weak human body. Now, refrain from delaying before I lose my patience."

She gave a great sigh before she proceeded to undress. Being the honorable demon that I am, I did not embarrass her further by turning around to look at her. Soon I felt the water shift around me, signifying her entrance into the spring. I heard her rustle around her bag for a moment and then heard a pop. Curiosity got the better of me and I turned to look at what had made the noise. My breath hitched in my throat with the vision I saw.

The miko, Kagome, had her back turned towards me, and her hair was cascading down in ebony waves. Her body was made of soft curves that were easily visible to me since the water came only to her hips. Her skin looked incredibly smooth and was kissed with the lightest tan, evidence to the days spent traveling around Japan's countryside. In all my hundreds of years I have never seen a human look the way she did. She was toned in all the right places and yet still utterly feminine. My traitorous hand twitched at the thought of touching those curves before I was brought out of my musings by a rather painful bite on my thigh by one of those insufferable fleas.

She turned around at the sound of my twitch and gave a startled gasp. Her face lit up again a bright red when she saw that I was facing her. I did not miss the way her eyes roamed up and down my figure nor could I stop the swell of male pride that welled inside me when her blush darkened; it appeared that she liked what she saw. I snorted mentally, who wouldn't like what they saw; I keep myself in very good shape if I do say so myself.

The miko gulped audibly and drew in a shaky breath.

"Th-this is the flea shampoo that I'm gonna use. Um, it might smell a bit, but it works really well. This," she said as she motioned to a piece of cloth, "is what I'll be using to wa-wash...y-you...with."

I gave a curt nod and waited for her to begin. I knew she had reservations about bathing with me, but her discomfort was of no consequence. She stepped forward slowly and motioned for me to turn around so I complied. She brought the cloth to my back and began to rub small circles over my skin. The feeling was amazing. Everywhere her hand and that substance touched me left tingling sensations in their wake.

Her ministrations were soft and slow, but it seemed that the longer we stood there like this, the braver she became. She worked her way down to my lower back and then up again to my shoulders; it has been years since someone touched me as such. She hesitated a moment when she reached my lower back again and I looked at her from the corner of my eye. She gave me a look that told me she was unsure of whether or not I wished for her to continue and I nodded my head in approval.

Once again she drew in a shaky breath and continued to wash me. She should feel honored that I am allowing her free reign of my physique, not many are privilege to such. She slowed her ministrations and then soon stopped.

"Um, uh I'm done w-with th-this side," she stated nervously.

"Indeed," I replied and then slowly turned around. She had her head turned to the side and her eyes closed, which gave me ample time to look her over yet again. This human woman was even more stunning from the front. She refused to look my way, so I took matters into my own hands. I reached up and lightly grabbed her by the chin and turned her head to face me.

"You will look at this Sesshoumaru," I demanded, though it wasn't harsh. Interesting, I did not want to be forceful with her at this moment.

She did as I said, though somewhat reluctantly, and I was able to see clearly that she crystal blue eyes that I have never noticed before until now. She forever had a light blush on her cheeks, and she drew in her bottom lip through her teeth. At that moment I decided that it should be outlawed to treat such tender looking things with such disregard.

"Continue," I spoke softly although if I was not mistaken, my voice sounded rougher than intended.

The young miko began her movements anew on my chest; her fingertips every now and then brushing delicately against my skin. She continued on, trailing down my front until just before the water.

"I-I can't, I don't think I should keep going," she nervously said.

I nodded in understanding; it would do no good to scare the girl. Instead I turned around once again and spoke, "You will wash my hair." I then found a boulder to sit upon so that she could reach the top of my head.

She took in a relived breath and poured some of the malodorous substance into her hands. She began working it into a later atop my head and I almost moaned at the sensation. Her fingers worked diligently yet caressingly against my scalp. I will have to remember to have someone wash my hair for me periodically from now on. The miko seemed to enjoy the feeling of my hair, for she let out a breathy 'wow' when she started her way down it.

The miko, Kagome, tried to prolong the washing of my hair, but all too soon it was over and she released my locks.

"You can rinse now," said she, and if I was not mistaken there was a bit of reluctance in her voice.

I submerged under the water long enough to rinse and when I came back out she was already making her way to her belongings. I quickly got out of the spring long before she had even got halfway dressed and with sure steps I made it to her and knelt to whisper once again in her ear.

"That was pleasurable to this Sesshoumaru. Perhaps we shall do it again sometime."

She spun around to face me with a look of shock across her face which quickly turned to embarrassment. The young miko pulled in her bottom lip again, but this time I did not stop myself from capturing it with mine. She gasped and I took that moment then to deepen the kiss and drove my tongue into her mouth. It took a bit for her shock to wear off but when it did, I was rewarded with a throaty moan which helped me renew my efforts.

I grabbed her arms one by one and wrapped them around my neck and wrapped my own arm around her waist, drawing us closer together. I drug my hand from her waist up to cup her right breast while I worked my way down and took the other into my mouth. She moaned again, this time a bit louder as she tightened her hold in my hair. Her back arched instinctively bringing her pert breast further into my mouth. Not one to play favorites, I transferred my attention to the other breast earning another mewl from the miko. Never in my life would I have thought to be this intimate with a human, but there was something about her that drove all prejudice thoughts from my head.

I placed open mouth kisses back up her neck and once again captured her lips in a searing kiss. She released our kiss a bit later so that she could gain some much needed air and I never thought that one could look so endearing. But she, with her eyes half lidded and her face flushed, was stunning. We were both panting heavily with the force of our shared kiss, and she slowly released her hold on me.

"Kagome!" damn that Inuyasha; he indeed had bad timing.

I turned towards my clothing and made quick dressing in them. By the time I was done she had finished dressing as well and was packing her things in her oversized pouch. No sooner than she had packed everything up Inuyasha made his entrance.

"What did you do to her you bastard!" the half-breed roared as he shoved the miko behind him.

"This Sesshoumaru did nothing that was not permitted," I told him while I narrowed my eyes at his insinuations.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!" Ah, my dear brother and his cunning way with words.

"Nothing that is of consequence to you half-breed," I answered. No need to embarrass the young priestess, I do hope for a repeat of our time together in the near future.

"Inuyasha," I started, "surely your nose is not that weak. Before you begin to reek next time, I suggest you bathe lest you gift me with more of your parasites. If you do not, then I will personally throw you in a river if only to be sure that you do not insult my senses with your vile stench."

The mutt then growled at me and reached for the hilt of his sword. The miko placed her hand on his arm trying to placate him. "Let's just go Inuyasha; I'm fine so there's no need to start a fight now. Please," she said. I could tell by the strained look on her face that she was trying hard not to laugh. I will have to see if I can make her laugh when next we meet.

Inuyasha grabbed her hand and began walking away. Before she was completely out of sight she looked back at me and gave me a bright smile.

"Hn."

Perhaps having fleas was not all bad.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

I just want to say thank you to Sunset Miko for nominating this story for Best Comedy. Your support for my writing, along with the rest of my readers is very touching. Thank you!