Reviews for The Breeder by Texanlady

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Silverkitsune26 (Chapter 19) - Thu 07 Jan 2010

Ooooohhhhhh........ Inuyasha gonna hate himself, even more than he allredy does whe he gets to see Kagome and what he's done to her. I hope she will give him hell.

Hmmmmm......... it seems that Sesshoumaru might beguin to the error of his ways, but he has a LONG way to go yet.

Please update soon. Your story is one of my favourites.

Silverkitsune26 ^_^


Katrina (Chapter 19) - Thu 07 Jan 2010

Also, I forgot to metion something. I hope that Kagura doesn't turn out to be the villian in the story. I mean, Kagura should realize of how Sesshomaru is treating Kagome, and should be on Kagome side. I hope that Kagura will help out Kagome in escaping and everything. After all, Kagura should know the feeling of what is like to be treated as a toy and slave. Just hope that Kagura will see the real side of Sesshomaru and maybe realize how foolish she was in thinking to be Sesshomaru mate.


SakuraDreamHeart (Chapter 19) - Wed 06 Jan 2010

Jeez good luck on your computer D8

 

I love where the story is going! Please continue it's amazing : ) I wonder though if she'll ever deliver a punch to Inuyasha XD I totally would...right to his nose >:3 Please continue <3


Madeline (Chapter 19) - Wed 06 Jan 2010

Wow.... I love this story!! I know it's dark and twisted but I love it! I wonder what inuyasha will do when he see Kagome?!! I can't wait for you to update again!! Keep up the awesome work!! 


WhiteRose-Kurama (Chapter 19) - Tue 05 Jan 2010

Kagome has a point... Has Sesshou altered her time by claiming her as his mate? And if so, wouldn't there be some rippling effect? For example, Kagome's memories of her time would be altered to include demons if anything major did occur. I wonder if the demons just hid themselves very well or Kagome's powers may not have been developed enough to sense them. I look forward to Kagome's reunion with her friends since all hell will probably break loose once Kagome's condition is made apparent. Keep up the good work and update soon :P


katlady (Chapter 19) - Tue 05 Jan 2010

i am  begining to falll in love with you cause  you updated..sad that your comp died so did  one of mine thoug

words of wisdoem for  ever one who read this after our lovely authorest

 Back up files on to a flash drive a 2gb shoul do the tick for mst of your files

 

learend that while in class... update as soon as you can


Mina (Chapter 19) - Mon 04 Jan 2010

good job texanlady! please update soon again ! :)


Katrina (Chapter 19) - Mon 04 Jan 2010

That sucks. I hope that everything will go well and get your computer fixed. I always make a copy on my disc just in case if anything goes wrong with the computer. I hope to hear more of your fanfic soon though, I starting ot hate Sesshomaru in this story. I wished I could kick his sorry ass with the help of the anime canon characters from Ikkitousen to gang up on him and beat the living shit out of him.

 

 


Rowdys girl (Chapter 19) - Mon 04 Jan 2010

Not shy about it? You have no idea how hard I am trying to be diplomatic about pointing out these little things, cuz I hate when people point out my errors. It destroys my illusions of perfection. LOL. But when the storytelling is this good, it brings out my anal retentive OCD and I want to see that the technical part of the story matches the quality of the story. Excellence breeds excellence! And you're a damned good writer! And this is a damned good chapter. I wish she could give him one good blast of her power - right in the ass where his brain is apparently lodged!

And, before I forget, I am sorry about your computer. If you would like, I will send you my rubber mallet so you can beat the hell out of it. Now onto the angst:

Beloved Tex, commas really are your friends:

“I and the other guards, along with Ami, have found worth in your breeder and mate. [Parenthetical phrases should be set off by commas.]

 

I have spoken at length with your breeder, my lord, and I think you should speak to her of the future she hails from and the place of demons in it. [I can't remember the actual rule, nor can I find my English Handbook (I will finish unpacking someday) but when an individual is addressed by another, their name or title or mode of address should be set off by commas as a parenthetical phrase.]

According to her, our kind are merely myths in her world. [Introductory phrases should be followed by commas.]

This news startled Sesshoumaru, though he refused to show it.[Dependent clauses]

He nodded his head at Ami, who was sitting beside Kagome’s futon and rose to leave as soon as he opened the door[,] and stepped into the room. [I don't believe I'm telling you this, but this comma should be deleted, as this is not a series, and the and stands alone.]

 

His eyes hungrily raked over her [form] and he delighted in the changes he saw. [Just a suggestion, but I would delete the word form here. It isn't really necessary and has already been used in the paragraph.]

Her skin glowed with health and, as he moved his gaze lower, he smirked at the sight of the prominent bump [on] of his mate’s stomach.

 

Look, I don't want to fill up your entire review page with these little comma transgressions, so, to find out where you should have a comma, read the story aloud and where you pause, that is probably where you should have a comma. Commas are about the flow and clarity of language. If you have a comma in the wrong place, it causes the language to sound choppy, it slows the reading. If you don't use commas, the text can be confusing, as if you had written a series of things but had left the commas out. I'm not going to point out any more commas unless it's something egregious. I have an edited copy of this chapter, just contact me if you want me to send it to you. The following items are things that really need to be considered.

Her health was his utmost priority now that she was carrying.

When her stomach rumbled in hunger, he smirked and stood after one last lingering stroke of his hands across her soft skin.

He saw Kagura’s eyes widen at the sight of Kagome before she bowed and he continued to monitor her as he said

“My honorable Lord Sesshoumaru, while you led your army [into] to victory against Naraku and  later  all the other lords of Japan, this Jaken kept watch [of] over your great house.

When Jaken bowed and left to carry out his orders, Sesshoumaru focused his attention on Kagura who, he had noticed, kept eying Kagome.

Silently, she wished [to] the demoness luck.

“I do love MY son…but that doesn’t change any of my feelings for you or the situation you’ve forced me into.

Moving to sit with one knee raised so that he could drape an arm over it with the other held his cup in his lap Sesshoumaru replied, “Proceed.” This sounds a little awkward. Perhaps you might prefer: He moved to sit in his favorite position with one knee raised, an arm lying across it, while he held his cup in the other hand now resting in his lap, “Proceed.”

“It matters not.  I’m sure that the future you [had] knew is no more.

If she is so foolish as to believe she can thwart my plans for our future then I will deal with her.

“I wish him to see the fate he abandoned you [too] to.

Once again I can tell that you raced to get this down so you could post it, you speed demon, you. I know the comma thing comes from writing so fast. I'm just suggesting that, after you finish the 'I'm done with this chapter' dance in your chair, you read the chapter aloud for comma usage. Remember, where there is a natural pause, that is a spot where there should probably be a comma. Nag! Nag! Nag! You really do have excellent language skills, you just need to be a bit more anal. LOL. I guess that I am the Empress of Anal!



erai (Chapter 19) - Mon 04 Jan 2010

Ah... As always I loved it. It was such a treat to come home and see your alert pop up. I squee'd! Very nice chapter. Love how you really show Kagome's mix of emotions towards Inuyasha very well. She's just the right amount of bitter... not too much but not too little. Love it. I could spout praises all night, but I'd make you blush I'm sure. My only qualm is that updates aren't as often as I'd like them to be, but that is simply me being selfish. We all have lives that run us down and I know you update when you are able. Thanks for making my day. One question though: Is Sesshy really gonna try to "breed" with Kagome while she is pregnant? Coz to me what with their past couplings and all, this seems to have miscarriage written all over it if they do. Just because Sesshy is so rough... Just wondering is all.

 

Ja ne, and see you next time!!!


stars (Chapter 19) - Mon 04 Jan 2010

please updata


jk-chan (Chapter 19) - Mon 04 Jan 2010

omg im soooo happy that you finally added the next chapter i really love your story thanx


REDWOLF (Chapter 19) - Mon 04 Jan 2010

Does Sesshoumaru call Kagome "little one" because he is so old???

I wish Sesshoumaru could show just a ounce of love for Kagome....I feel so sorry for her when acts like she is his favorite chew toy. I LOVED it when Kagome told him to take Kagura to his bed....boy didn't that strike his pride!!!! Fantastic job...i hope you can rebuild your work because it is fantastic work!


Yamiyo (Chapter 19) - Mon 04 Jan 2010

Please tell me sess has a change of heart soon cause i'm really starting to hate him in your story. I love the story just not him, and thats sad he's one of my fav characters.


sempai19 (Chapter 19) - Mon 04 Jan 2010

Awesome chapter. Update soon please.


sierra (Chapter 19) - Mon 04 Jan 2010

Thanx for making another chapter cant wait for more!


Michaela (Chapter 19) - Mon 04 Jan 2010

Inuyasha's arrival can't get here soon enough. a statement i agree with. this is very well written and i love it. please update soon. and if you get the chance to get on fanfiction to critrique my work i would be thrilled. KagomeKairi1507


autumngold (Chapter 19) - Mon 04 Jan 2010

Nice update!  I can't wait for Inuyasha to feel pain.  I hope he understands exactly what Kagome has gone through, how she has been raped and brutalized.  Some protector!  How dare he treat the only person who loves him that way, he deserves everything bad that could happen to him!  Can't wait to read more!


Ceferadel (Chapter 19) - Mon 04 Jan 2010

I really love this story! Sesshoumaru is portrayed so well and Kagome ha! Headstrong until the bitter end. She has no idea what she is giving up by not being more loveable to sesh.. and I really want to see him transform in his dog form to protect her. That would be hot, but we really need something evil to happen to the both of them to get them together more... Or something evil to happen to Kagome that makes her run to Sesh... hmm Until next time!


fluffykags (Chapter 19) - Mon 04 Jan 2010

I can't wait for your update!~!!!


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