Aww that was a touching story, had me tearing up there. I can't wait to see more stories from you.
Awesome one-shot! It was hot and sweet at the same time.
stars (Chapter 1) - Mon 21 Sep 2009
this would be great if it was a story
Aw, the ending was sweet. I liked it! Good job
i loved it it was so kinky...
Lauren (Chapter 1) - Sun 20 Sep 2009
There is only one word to describe this story: AMAZING!!!!!
That was so hot and steamy and damn cute at the same time.
raRr! please tell me your entering this int my GM challenge! this was fantastic!!! - r0o
Diane (Chapter 1) - Sun 20 Sep 2009
I like it but you have a gender problem, saying both he/she & him/her for Kagome & Sesshomaru instead of she/her for Kagome & he/him for Sesshomaru. Like in this part; He was shaking beneath him and he had to forth herself to keep her teeth away from his quivering length so he didn’t scare him. it's almost all from a male POV, it should be; He was shaking beneath her and she had to force herself to keep her teeth away from his quivering length so she didn’t scare him. Hope this helps.
A nice lemon, I liked the whole idea and reading it ingeneral. I noticed a shift in person in one of the paragraphs in the second half of the chapter, though:
"Kagome took him back into her mouth without warning and he thrust upward too fast her teeth dragged across his shaft when he pulled back. He cried out and thrust upward again as his semen shot into my mouth in scalding spurts. I swallowed as much as I could and let the rest coat his softened cock. She licked the drops she missed from his soft penis and sat back."
-----> "his semen shot into my mouth in scalding spurts. I swallowed as much as I could and let the rest coat his softened cock." It shifts from the regular 3rd person you use in the story to first person, for those two sentences. Just wanted to point that out in case you wanted to fix it. :)
Wow, I loved it! Very well done and I enjoyed reading it! Bravo!
holycow (Chapter 1) - Sun 20 Sep 2009
that was frickin amazing! u should continue!
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