Okay, so in light of bringing a more upbeat feel to the forums, I thought this might be fun... All of us either have kids, or have been exposed to them through babysitting, neices/nephews, neighbors etc. And we all know kids do and say the darndest things... So anyone willing and wanting to participate I propose - share your funny stories! Add to the thread as you remember or experience them.

Here is my CURRENT story:

Even as I write this, my 2.5 year old daughter is bangnign and kicking our front door and screaming "COME BAAAAAACK!" Her father just left for Lowes to pick up some paint, and she wanted to go "bye-bye" with him. After a major meltdown at Lowes yesterday, we opted not to let her tag along. But now she's keeps screaming "NO! Come Baaaack! I help you! Come back daddy!" Mind you he's been gone about 5 minutes now, and can't hear her. I know I shouldnt be in stitches over this, but really I can't stop laughing! She is SO MAD at that door! ROFL!

Laugh... it will help, believe me. Eventually, even toddlers figure out that they are being ridiculous. Honest. And it will make for one of the BEST family stories in years to come!!! I have a million of those from when my kids were toddlers, and they truly appreciate them now - as long as I don't tell their friends.

~~Wiccan~~

I'm sure you're definitely right. My niece is in her terrible two. She is quite intelligent, but she's quite ...vocal, when her mother leaves.

Current story:

Her mother had to go to the walmart to pick up a halloween costume for her. When her mom left, she threw the mother of all tantrums!! She pulled the blinds back she could watch her mother leave. then banged on the window until she waved goodbye and then when she left, She broke out in a wail to break glass!! "MOOOMMMYYY!!!" over and over again. She jumped up and down on the couch, threw her shoes and pulled her hair. We had to promise her candy to get her to sit still!!! I was in stitches but my mother (her grandmother), was peeved over one of the strips on the blinds getting broken. We'll be glad when she gets older and we can tell others these stories too.

Current Toddler Troubles...
I have a 4.5 year old and a 15 month old who literally act like twins, if one isn't around the other than they are unhappy. Yesterday my parents took my eldest daughter out with them and we took our youngest with us since we were going to do a little Christmas shopping.
Needles to say that didn't sit well with the kids and while we were driving my youngest chucked her bottle at the back of dada's head lol. And well whenever older sissy isn't around she chucks anything she can get her little hands on.

One of the funnier stories occured with one of my bffs little girl, and I call her my little adopt-a-niece. She will be 2 next month. A few months ago my friend and I and the little one were in a subway to get lunch. Since she is so little, we don't actually order her an entire meal of her own yet, she usually gets some of ours.

And I spoil this little girl rotten. I was the one to give her, her first sip of coke (and now she is addictedish. She always knows when auntie lizzie is around, auntie lizzie has that sweet tasting drink that makes her hyper! Ahhh, a girl after my own heart!).

Bear in mind, she already had pieces of mommy's sandwich in front of her with all the good stuff. I tend to choose very plain subs. I literally eat the bread with mayonaisse, turkey, provolone cheese and lettuce. That's it. My friend has a more varied meat and usually fits hers with, "the works," aka, nearly EVERYTHING on it.

So with this thought in mind, we are sitting down in the subway. And the little one seems to adore me (probably as much as I adore her ^^) and usually prefers to sit next to me. Well I am talking to mommy, and all of the sudden, a little hand reaches up, grabs hold of a part of my sandwich, and proceeded to pull herself some of my sandwich off! Needless to say, I am stunned. Not only was I NOT expecting something like that, but MOMMY, the traitor, is too busy laughing at the situation and the look on my face to even be able to breathe right. And to make the situation even more priceless, was that the little one began laughing as well because mommy was! Of course after that all three of us were laughing, and we got a few odd looks in the process, but there you have it.

It is one of the memories I treasure. She may have been mildly ill-mannered, but it was at such an age and in such a way that made the whole aspect just memorable.

we have a motion activated Halloween decoration at work...right next to the wheelbarrow of candy we hand out the day before and the day of Halloween... every time that thing went off my son would drop what he had and run for the nearest adult! lol...it was so cute and funny to watch

I have one, mine is from when my oldest {who will be 18 in less than 2 months as she repeatedly reminds us} was about 2 and half. We lived with my best friends, who got married the month before we moved in with them. Well we lived in North Va and decided to go camping in Front Royal, Va on the skyline drive area of Shenendoah national park.Jeanette drove up, I rode up front and her Hubby Keith rode in back with my kid, my hubby was meeting us up there after work. About an hour into the drive her and Keith decided to get into a little arguement and one of them hit the other and it started a little slap thing. My friends hubby actually had the nerve to go "She hit me first." He was 20 years old, Jeanette threatened to turn the car around if they didn't behave. Me I was too busy laughing at everyone and looked in the back seat and both were scooted as far over as they could, when one was in a car seat and pouting.

That was one of my favorite memories of my daughter, next to the time she went with her daddy to get his check and she told his boss, "Gee you have a belly like my daddy, mr wendall."

Then there was the time at Walmart that she was in the cart and this lady behind us had a pager and when it went off my daughter yelled very loud," watch out daddy she's backing up."

Today my son said the F word, another kid there runs up to her dad and goes 'he said fuck' and the dad is all *teardrop* 'uh okay'. girl: 'he did daddy he said fuck' dad: 'um, okay stop saying it'...I about died laughing, it was too funny.

I have 3 kids, so the stories get a li'l mixed up, or attributed to the wrong child after enough time goes by, so I'm gonna share something that happened to my cousin when her (now 13 yr old) son Brody was about a year old. It was just that memorable in a 'I'm sorry I'm laughing and I'm glad it wasn't me' sort of way.

Brody started talking when he was about 6 months old, and my cousin was proud of that until one day about 6 months later when she took him shopping with her. Now, she was in the early stages of pregnancy with Brody's li'l sister- not enough for the tummy to be showing too much yet, but enough for other . . . girlie parts to be more noticable and her husband wasn't afraid to drop mention of that every chance he got. She didn't go out much at the time and had gotten used to wearing just like a sports bra and overalls and so she, of course, wore this same type of outfit to the store- she's pregnant, she's tired, she wants to be comfortable. As she's waiting on line at the cash register she's carrying Brody on her hip and out of no where this li'l boy grabs the top of her sports bra, pulls it down and goes "BOOBIES!"

I was laughing so hard when she told me the story that I couldn't even hear what she said her reaction was at the time.

HAHAHAHA!!! Freya Ishtar, I laughed so hard I about fell out of the chair I was sitting in. When I read this earlier I was with a friend of mine and she was talking on the phone. Needless to say, she gave me the strangest look.

Ok, here is another one I thought of. Its not geared to any child in particular, for all children seem to do this. I not only have very long sleak hair that falls nearly to my bumm, but I also wear glasses. For some reason, whenever I meet a small child for the first time, the first things they go for, are the glasses and the hair. I nearly always have to clean of smudges on my glasses and pick up fallen hair from the ground after I am done.

I don't have a child myself, this is a story my best friend shared with me about something her daughter(my niece) did when she was a toddler(she's five now)

So you know how when potty training a baby,or puppy-whatever, and when they go you praise them enthusiastically for example "Good job! You made a poo poo/pee pee! Good girl/boy!" Well this is what my friend did when she was potty training her daughter. One day she, her daughter and her son(who was a baby) went to WalMart.

She had to go to the bathroom and the family bathroom was taken so she just took her daughter and son into the women's bathroom and into the stall with her. As most people know usually walmart bathrooms are pretty full. This one was no different. So anyways, my friend went to the bathroom and stood up to pull up her pants n such, and her daughter looked into the toilet and started clapping her hands and enthusiastically yelled "Good job mommy you went potty in the toilet!"

Everyone in the bathroom heard it, my friend was so embarrassed she stayed in the stall until everyone went out.

I'm not a mom yet, but some day I hope to be. I do babysit on Sundays though, and there is this 2 year old that is SUPER SMART!

She gets kinda hyper though and likes to jump up and down while singing 'jump, jump, jump!' And she plays 'drums' on this foam cylinders and cleans up when you ask her to! She's a real darling XD

I am going to a Halloween think up at the lake in my area with my friend and aforementioned daughter tonight. I will probably have some amusing stories from that since everyone is dressing up for a masquerade. I am excited! Halloween is my favorite holiday! ^^


Ok so the entire night was adorable. Between the little one continuously running up to the bonfire to roast marshmallows, to dancing on the dance floor, she was priceless!

There was one point where her mommy and I were trying to get her to eat. I would hand her a fry or a piece of chicken and she would turn her head away and say no. So her mommy hold up her tray at one point and asks if she wanted some. The little one grabbed the mini bag of candy corn on the tray and looked to me to open it! XD

Here's a few new ones:
For whatever reason my daughter has decided its fun to sit on my feet, like a dog or a cat. Seriously, she's just stting there and happily watching Special Agent Oso! She is sooooo WEIRD! She deffinately gets this from her fathers side of the family. lol

A couple of other cute things she's started doing. Now that the baby is ALMOST here, she keeps asking to listen to her brother! She puts her head to my belly and will stay like that for EVER.

She has also started calling my tummy "owie" because I keep going "OW!" every time I get a good kick. lol So she thinks my tummy is "owie."

Thats adorable! I remember when I was towards the end with my youngest, Mathias, my middle boy, Xavier, who was about 2 and 1/2 at the time would always kiss me on my tummy and say 'hi, baby!'

My daughter, the oldest, always eyed my expanding middle with suspicion. She'd look at it, look at me, then look back at it, and ask, "It's gonna be a GIRL, right?"

All through my second pregnancy, we tried to get her used to the idea that she might not get the baby sister that she so desperately wanted, especially since the ultrasound showed that we were having a boy. She never did take to the idea of a brother, was horribly disappointed when he arrived, and took every opportunity to torture the poor thing. Small wonder that they don't get along well to this day, huh?

~~Wiccan~~

WiccanMethuselah wrote:
My daughter, the oldest, always eyed my expanding middle with suspicion. She'd look at it, look at me, then look back at it, and ask, "It's gonna be a GIRL, right?"That's awesome.

I guess i don't have any kids, or nieces or nephews, but like you said in this thread earlier, when your older you learn the stories and they really do amuse you. So i guess I'll tell you one of my favorites about baby r0o:

So I was crawling age, about the time when you start learning to feed yourself, and on more adult foods.

Mommar0o had made pasta the night this happened for dinner. Now, most momma's of multi-kids know, feed the youngest first, then feed the rest. It's (as I'm told) easier that way.

So i got my pasta with 1 meatball, ate it, was happy and content in my highchair (so says mommar0o) when she sits down Eldest brother0o, and younger brother0o. (who is still older then me... Pecking order it goes, EldestBrother0o, YoungestBrother0o, then r0o herself - only girl.)

Now apparently I had always been a bit of a 'miss Piggy' b/c (i am told) i always LOVED to eat, even at the hospital after birth. Mommar0o had turned around to get something from the kitchen when she suddenly hears Youngestbrother0o screaming at the top of his lungs, "SHE'S GOTS MY BALLS!!!!"

Terrified at the sound of it, mommar0o comes back to find baby r0o crawling across the kitchen table to YoungstBrother0o's plate to get and eat his meatballs... He was not pleased.

mommar0o 'died' laughing. =x

This one one of the many bits of antics between YoungestBrothr0o and baby r0o... I still call him 'Antagonist' .... Literally.... to this day. ^_^

I love this! All my nieces and nephews live far away so I don't have too many stories, but this is my favorite one.

We had adopted an abused, abandoned cat from the animal shelter four years ago. Consequently, the cat was terrified of everyone except me. A year after that, my sister-in-law's father died and they left my nephew with us so they could go to the funeral.

Sammy was sooo excited when he saw the cat upon entering the house. They didn't have a cat at the time, only their dog. He, of course, tried to get at the cat and the cat, of course, ran away. So, Sammy looked to me for advice.

I told him, "You have to be gentle with the kitty Sammy. She's afraid of people because her old owners hurt her." He stared at me for a second, thinking about what I had told him and started running after the kitty again. This time, he was yelling at the kitty as well. "Stop, kitty, stop! I'm a gentle boy!" "Stop, kitty, stop! I'm a gentle boy!"

This went on for two hours. You could almost read the expression on the cat's face saying "Hide me from the small one! Please! Hide me from the small one!" The cat subsequently disappeared somewhere in the house. Sammy stayed with us for two days and then left with his father. The cat returned on the third day. Sammy was two at the time.

This is my favorite baby story.

aw! Poor kitty! But Sammy sounds like such a sweety. Thats just too cute a story! Thanks for sharing!

@Wiccan: OMG! lol Fortunately my daughter isn't really aware of the differences of boy vs girl yet, so she's cool with the idea of a brother. But talk about funny - "Its gonna be a GIRL, right?" lol!!!!!!!! How old was she at the time?

MoxyMikki wrote:

@Wiccan: OMG! lol Fortunately my daughter isn't really aware of the differences of boy vs girl yet, so she's cool with the idea of a brother. But talk about funny - "Its gonna be a GIRL, right?" lol!!!!!!!! How old was she at the time?

She was a little over 2 years old at that point, precocious little twerp that she was (and still is).

I have another fun anecdote along the lines of the one r0o (too freakin' FUNNY!) graced us with...

Most of the problems with the two of them stemmed from times I had to leave them alone, like bathroom breaks. On one such instance, while in the bathroom, I could hear Jessa screaming at the top of her lungs, "Help, my baby brother is trying to kill me!"

Mind you, Steven had just started crawling, and had barely gotten a couple of teeth in his mouth. I came out to find him latched onto his sister's arm with all the tenacity of a bulldog. So much so, in fact, that I had to pinch his nose to get him to unclamp his jaws. He didn't manage to break the skin, but the girl had a nice bruise there for a while. I looked at her and said, "See what happens when you torture your brother?"

Needless to say, she kept all appendages away from his mouth for a while after that!

~~Wiccan~~

Now I dont have any kids myself but I have oodles of c ousins, and this actually happened a couple of years ago. My cousin Christopher (he was 2 or so at the time) is an absolute snuggle bug he just loves to sit in yout lap after romping with the other cousins and snuggle. Well I walk into grandma's and grandpa's on christmas and I see him and i'm all like "Christopher! Hi there!" and all cutely he says "^.^ Hi Ewica" I then proceeded to ask him "where's my hug?" to which he replied "O_O I dont know" and he runs away from me. Its pretty safe to say I laughed pretty hard.

Lmao @ Wiccan. Though this isnt exactly along those lines, but stories involving toddlers and teething always make me think of it. Xavier started cutting teeth early and has always been a li'l on the small side for his age. This boy had all his front teeth by the time that he was 6 to 8 -ish months old. One day I'm grocery shopping with him in the stroller and this little old lady starts smiling at him and waving and this li'l boy smiles back at her with a mouth full of teeth like no one so small should have, apparently, and that poor lady gave a such a start she nearly dropped her grocery basket.

r0o's made me laugh for oh so many reasons. Excuse the language but I can just see r0o going after someones balls. I am in class and listening to the teacher talk at this time and i almost burst out laughing in front of 20 plus people. it would have been bad. Anyways I have a story about me and one about my little brother.

Little Brother story:
I was about 8 or 9 and my brother was about a year or so. He was sooo annoying (still is) and he was screaming and playing with toys at the top of his lungs, so what do me and his other sister's do? We turn up the TV and ignore him.

My little brother was a wanderer and he had a habit of running in and out of rooms, up and down stairs and getting into mischief. Anyways my and his other two sisters are ignoring him and watching TV.

On a commercial I realize that i haven't heard the little brother screaming for a bit and its really quiet. The other girls realize it at the same time and we get up and go looking for him. He was hidden behind a plastic play kitchen with his legs spread wide and his face on the floor between then drooling in his sleep with a pot and pan in each hand.

My story:
So when I (little miss Kirai) was a baby we had a dog. This dog decided that i was its puppy. She slept under my bed to protect me and was always there. If my parents got mad at me for something this dog would be there in front of my growling at them for upsetting me.

So there is this story we have about what i would do on a daily basis. I would ride the dog. Not on top i would grab onto Ginger(the dog) underneath and ride until i wanted to get off. Then she would lie down and i would grab my soother (i was NEVER without it) and my cuddy (baby blanket) and i would curl up against her and used her for a pillow and slept. She would never move and was the most patient dog in the world.

Kirai wrote:

My story:
So when I (little miss Kirai) was a baby we had a dog. This dog decided that i was its puppy. She slept under my bed to protect me and was always there. If my parents got mad at me for something this dog would be there in front of my growling at them for upsetting me.

So there is this story we have about what i would do on a daily basis. I would ride the dog. Not on top i would grab onto Ginger(the dog) underneath and ride until i wanted to get off. Then she would lie down and i would grab my soother (i was NEVER without it) and my cuddy (baby blanket) and i would curl up against her and used her for a pillow and slept. She would never move and was the most patient dog in the world.
That's so cute. My husband had a dog like that when he was growing up, a big rotwiler mixbreed named Smokey. My mother-in-law told me that when my hubby was about 3 he would toddle around the yard which was marked with a post to show the border. He would go to step beyond that post and my mother-in-law would watch as Smokey pulled my husband back up through the yard by the seat of his pants. (kicking and screaming, of course)
I really wish I could have met this dog. My darling, never to fear anything, hubby used to be afraid of turtles. As his duty, one day, Smokey gently picked up a turtle in his mouth and proceeded to chase my husband around the yard with it.

Gotta love kids and animals.

I know I can think of some goofy stuff with my munchkins, after I get the littlest one to sleep.

Wow... these stories are all so cute. I have a lot to look forward to. But I do have two stories to share.

Despite my daughter only being four months old she has her great grandma tied around her pinky. When I leave for school she starts acting up. Apparently (cause I haven't witnessed it yet) she will shove her fingers to the back of her throat until she gags. My nana would run to check on her and she would smile and laugh. Eventually my nana decided she wasn't going to do the running cause she didn't want Kiki to think this was a game. So Kiki has taken it a step further and will now gag herself until she gets sick.

Smart baby? Whenever I am home she is the quietest thing and she never tries this trick. So my assumption is she knows when I am gone and what she can get away with.


As for my other story it has to do when I was little.

I have a little brother (actually he's bigger than me now). I am the oldest by almost 3 years. Well when my brother was potty training around two I think and I was five at the time. Anyway he had this turtle potty and he would take it and sit on it in front of the t.v. Well I guess my favourite show was Bert and Ernie off of Sesame Street. One day he sits and blocks my view while my show was on. I complained but no one could get him to move. So my mom said the show would be on again later and I could watch it then, just leave him be because he was going to the bathroom.

Well I did wait, until the adults left the room. Then I told my brother:
"If you keep sitting on the turtle it's going to bite your dicky bird off."

The adults began laughing in the next room and my brother screamed and ran away.

My brother wasn't potty trained until four and to this day he hates turtles.