Husbands should be like Kleenex: soft, strong, and disposable.

Mrs. White from Clue

Hansel: So I'm rappelling down Mount Vesuvius when suddenly I slip, and I start to fall. Just falling, ahh ahh, I'll never forget the terror. When suddenly I realize "Holy shit, Hansel, haven't you been smoking Peyote for six straight days, and couldn't some of this maybe be in your head?"

Derek Zoolander: And?

Hansel: And it was. I was totally fine. I've never even been to Mount Vesuvius.

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Derek Zoolander: Or are you here to tell me what a bad eugoogoolizer I am?

Matilda: A what?

Derek Zoolander: A eugoogoolizer... one who speaks at funerals.

[Matilda looks at Derek confused]
Derek Zoolander: Or did you think I was too stupid to know what a eugoogooly was?

I dont know where i heard this.

A guy once told me to shoot first and ask questions later. I wanted to ask him why, but i had to shoot him first.

also this is a conversation i had with my freind when we saw an animal in her yard at night:

Her: What's that?
me: its one of those uhhh...half albino smelly things ...ummm.. you know they fart on people.

in my defense though it was like three in the morning and i say random things when im tired.

Okay this is a quote i heard a couple years ago when I was a sophmore in highschool. In my english class we were on shakespear, and we were learning wat makes a comedy a comedy (besides the jokes and all that fun stuff) and what makes a tragity a tragity. So to help the class fully understand he said this quote and I will never forget it, for it is now my favorite quote EVER. Anyway enough with the backstory.


"Tragity is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into a sewer and die."


Just a fun quote. so yup.

Wow. Muscles and curves. My penis is so confused.
-Dr. Gregory House

My favorite anchorman quotes:

Brian Fantana: They've done studies you kow. 60% of the time it works all the time.

~~~~~~~~

Brian Fantana: I think I was in love once.

Ron Burgundy: Really? What was her name?

Brian Fantana: I don't remember.

Ron Burgundy: That's not a good start, but keep going.

Brian Fantana: She was Brazilian, or Chinese, or something weird. I met her in the bathroom of a K-Mart and we made out for hours. Then we parted ways, never to see each other again.

Ron Burgundy: I'm pretty sure that's not love.

Brian Fantana: Damn it!

"What was sundered and undone, shall behold the two made one,"Olgra, from the Dark Crystal.



"A life without love, is no life attall,"DaVincci, from Ever After.



"Nah, it's just an eye. The Gods seen fit to grace me with two of them."From the movie "300".



"It's only Forever. It's not long at all." Lyrics from song 'Underground' by David Bowie. Made for the movie Labyrinth

"I will give you the choice, I never had." Lestat from Interview With a Vampire




"You can't kill me Victor. I'm already dead."Dracula :from Van Helsing



"This lonesome gargoyle, who burns in hell, but secretly yearns for heaven."Sang by the Phantom in The Phantom of the Opera.




"Evil knows evil." Gary Oldman as Dr. Smith, in Lost in Space.




"'Evil is a point of view,' he whispered now. 'We are immortal. And what we have before us are the rich feasts that conscience cannot appreciate and mortal men cannot know without regret. God kills, and so shall we; indiscriminately. He takes the richest and the poorest, and so shall we; for no creatures under God are as we are, none so like Him as ourselves, dark angels not confined to the stinking limits of hell but wandering His earth and all its kingdoms.'"Interview with the Vampire-Lestat

((I'm sorry about all the quotes at once. I keep them all in one place, and it's a lot easier than having to have to keep going back and forth. Not to mention my keyboard is dying...again...))


All these are from Hamlet:

"Am I a coward?
Who calls me villain, breaks my pate across,
Plucks off my beard, and blows it in my face,
Tweaks me by th' nose, gives me the lie i'th' throat
as deep as to the lings? Who does me this?
Ha! 'Swounds, I should take it. For is cannot be
but I am pigeon-livered and lack gall
to make opression bitter..."



"Bloody, bawdy villain!
Remorseless, treacherous lecherous, kindless villain!
O vengeance!
..."


"That I, the son of a dear father murdered,
Prompted to my revenge by heaven and hell,
Must, like a whore, unpack my heart with words,
and fall a-cursing like a very drab,
a scullion! Fie upon't, foh!
..."


"For murder, thought it have no tongue, will speak
with most miraculous organ. I'll have these players
play something like the murder of my father
before mine uncle. I'll observe his looks,
I'll tent him to the quick. If he but blenches,
I know my course. The spirit that I have seen
may be the devil, and the devil hath power
t'assume a pleasing shape;yea, and perhaps
out of my weakness, and my melancholy,
as he is very potent with such spirits,
abuses me to damn me. I'll have my grounds
more relative than this. The play's the thing
wherein I'll catch the conscience of the King."

ohhh i love quotes, as you would tell if you looked on my profile

I like the white stuff, don't you? -me (i say this to friends eating ranch or vanilla ice cream)

I may be evil but i'm not mean -me (tis true )

Ask yourself this, why was the sword made? -me(i say this when people mention stuff about evil seriously)

life is a bitch, if it was easy it'd be a slut - don't know where but i totally agree with it

My cat can beat up my dog - me (and i am not lying my cat can really beat up my dog)

Here's to me, here's to you, best friends we'll always be, and if some how we disagree, hell to you here's to me - don't know either but funny

Let's consult The Great 'Hn' Dictionary. Hmm, a 'hn' with a slight knowing attitude, with roll of the eyes. . . ah! Here it is! It means, 'I don't know,' or some situations, 'Why would I have bothered to remember anything so ridiculous is that?' - Don't know who said it but perfect for Sesshomaru

if life was easy, then what fun would that be - me

i have so much more it ain't funny but that is all i'll post...for now muwahahahah*coughcough* DAMN YOU COUGH DAMN YOU!!!

The pen is mightier than the sword, but the sword is more fun to use.

Happines isn't good enough for me I demand euphoria

If you dont stand behind our troops feel free to stand in front of them.

a friend hugs you goodbye, a best friend rapes you in the hallway.

why do we kill people, who kill people, to show people that killing is wrong. (about the death penalty)

if at frist you dont succeed, then skydiving definatly isnt for you.

Pnub: Maybe we should clean that up.
Mick: Yeah, and while we're at it, let's just clean the whole f***in' house.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mick: Yeah, I was a little bitter about the getting killed by my best friend thing, but I've had time to get over it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anton: Hey, I didn't kill anyone on purpose, okay?
Mick: Yeah, well, we weren't in hell! I mean, there was this bright white light at the end of a long tunnel, right, and there was these chicks' voices, and that music...
Anton: Music?
Pnub: Yeah, kinda uncool music, like, Enya. And these chicks' voices, they were saying, "come to us, come towards the light".
Anton: So what happened?
Mick: We figured, f*** it, I mean, it was really far!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

All from Idle Hands. I love that stupid movie!

These are all quotes from Orgazmo. The creators of South Park made it and it's hysterical. It's about a Mormon who ends up playing a porn superhero...so... enough said.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Joe Young: "We're from The Church of Jesus Christ."
Old Lady: "Oh, the Mormons? "
Joe Young: "That's right. I'm elder Young and this is elder White. "
Old Lady: "Well, you two boys can just f*** right off."
Joe Young: "Ma'am?"
Old Lady: "You heard me. Take that book of Mormons and shove it so far up your righteous asses that you choke, you soul soliciting pigf***ers."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dave the Lighting Guy: "I don't wanna sound like a queer or nothin', but I think Depeche Mode is a sweet band!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dave the Lighting Guy: "Dude, I don't wanna sound like a queer or nothin', but I think you got a hot ass!"
Joe Young: "Thanks."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dave the Lighting Guy: "Say, have you seen that movie Clash of the Titans?"
Joe Young: "Oh yeah, the greek mythology."
Dave the Lighting Guy: "Hey, I don't wanna sound like a queer or nothin', but I think unicorns are kick ass!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dave the Lightning Guy: [to Joe] "I don't want to sound like a queer or nothin', but I'd kinda like to make love to you tonight."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dave the Lighting Guy: "My name's Dave."
Sancho: "I am Sancho. Don't mean to sound like queer, but I find fire very romantic."